


The Theater

by RileyRiles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Bella Gets Undeserved Abuse, Genderfluid Character, Humor, MST3k-Style Riffing, Multi, Multiple Universes Colliding, Satire, Stalking, There actually is a plot and story to the MST, There is a plot underneath the suffering, Unnecessarily Necessary Murder, Weekly Updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-02-23 04:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 62,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23905873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RileyRiles/pseuds/RileyRiles
Summary: Three different people walk into a theater. Shenanigans ensue.With the promise of cultural expansion, new and unique experiences with a multiverse, money, and free food, three strangers are tasked with reading bad fanfiction for the entertainment of the masses. Between the horrible stories they endure, they might even grow a little as people, or maybe just devolve into madness from the torture. Who can say.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	1. Story One: Witch-Gods and Other Poppycock

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've always enjoyed MST3k, and I've always had fun reading MST stories. Inspired by a masterpiece I read back in 2011, I decided to make one of my own. the fandom tags and character list will grow as more stories are reviewed, don't you worry.
> 
> Essentially, this will be a MST of virtually any terrible story, badfics and trollfics alike. I do have a list of stories I plan to get to, and I am also open to suggestions of stories to do. To suggest stories, I recommend both naming the story and author or the story name and a link. Most importantly, they need to be BAD stories. Horrible grammar, horrible spelling, gross mischaracterization, nonexistent or nonsensical plots, Mary Sue and her brother Gary Stu, you get the picture. 
> 
> Let's enjoy this wild ride together.

The frown on his face wouldn’t leave no matter how hard he might have tried, _not that he was trying particularly hard_ , even though he was trying to focus as much as he could on the book in his hands and not on the world around him. Yes, he’s read _The Setting Sun_ a number of times by now, enough times that he all but knew the story word-for-word, but to his credit he hadn’t really thought he’d be spending all that much time reading when he grabbed the book from his shelf before leaving the apartment. It was just something to read while he was on the train, to pass the time. If he had known that even after arriving that he would be spending what felt like hours just _waiting_ , he would have picked something else. Maybe _The Memory Police_ , he kept meaning to read it. _Murder in the Crooked House_ was another book he could have picked, he’s heard good things. Ah, but, hindsight was 20/20. He had to make do with what he had on hand to pass the time.

 _Not that it’d make much difference_ , he thought to himself as he turned the page. The longer he sat there waiting, the harder it was to concentrate, to focus. He tapped his fingers against the book cover as his eyes ran over the lines of words. He’d spent hours here, or rather, it felt like hours. He hadn’t brought a watch, another poor decision. But he had spent hours here, wasting time when he could have been out and about, he could have been making sure Mitsuru was okay. _She’ll be fine, she’s staying in her apartment all day. Sick._ That just made him want to go out there even more—and do what? Just watch her from the window across the street?

 _She’ll be fine,_ he could hear Banī whispering in his ear, though the man was nowhere to be seen. _Just be patient, I know that’s hard._

As if he hadn’t been trying to be patient since he had arrived. If anything, he felt like he had been _too_ patient. Patiently waiting, patiently sitting there nice and quiet, minding his own business, patiently waiting for something, _anything_ , to happen.

He was done being patient. Closing his book with a snap, he stood up and turned his head to look at his companion who had been rather quiet as well.

“Please tell me I’m not the only one sick of waiting around.”

The girl, who couldn’t have been more than a couple years younger than himself, looked like a problem child. Her hair had been dyed a dark reddish-pink, though it had grown out to the point that a good inch or so of hair by her scalp was her natural brown color, and the hair itself looked frayed and dried, a testament to how often it was colored and the damage that it caused. She was dressed like trouble. A dark-purple crop-top hoodie, ripped jeans, and multiple piercings in her ears. He supposed he should be thankful she didn’t have any facial piercings, seeing those just made him uncomfortable for reasons he wasn’t quite sure. She was wearing combat boots. Fucking _combat boots_. What the Hell?

The girl looked up from her game, having spent the time playing something on the 3DS she had brought. She looked at him for a few moment before shrugging. “It _is_ gettin’ pretty dull round here.”

He sighed, slipping his book back into the bag by his feet, and stood up from his theater seat. Slipping past the girl beside him, he made his way to the third party in the large and suspiciously empty theater, an older individual sleeping soundly and without a care.

The individual was dressed in a leather jerkin tied up to the neck, with some loose white shirt underneath, black trousers, leather boots and leather gloves equally dark. In all honesty, they looked like they had stepped right outside of either a con or a renaissance fair. Their face was pale, their dark hair messy and reaching past their jaws, their mouth thin and parted just slightly. But what really stood out to him was that there was no real defining features that told him if this person was a man or woman. The sleeping figure was older than him by the looks of it, so there should have been _some_ development if they were a woman, but at the same time they lacked anything that really stood out as masculine. Their features were a strange mix of soft and hard that blended together oddly seamlessly.

But at the end of it all, it made him wonder if he was the normal one here, at least attire wise. The girl looked like a parent’s disappointment, and this adult looked like they were from the dark ages. At least he was dressed like he would blend in with a crowd, which may have been the intention, with his dark jacket and simple jeans.

What he didn’t mentioned that bothered him a little, just a little, was that his companions were clearly either European or American, making him the odd one out. It felt weird being in a room where everyone but him were foreigners.

“This is ridiculous,” he growled, trying his best to bite back the growing agitation and frustration. “I’m waking them up.”

The girl looked up, pushing herself to her feet as she held her game in one hand. “Ya think that’s okay? Kinda rude wakin’ a person up.”

“I don’t care if I’m being rude or not. I’ll worry about that later. Right now I just want to get this show on the road.”

The girl frowned, looked to him and then over to the table situated between them and the theater screen. There had been two envelopes sealed up and labeled neatly, envelopes they weren’t supposed to open until everyone was present and ready. Being asleep didn’t constitute as ready, and as much as he wanted to just go ahead and open them up, he didn’t want to violate any unspoken rules too early on.

He had followed her gaze, but soon returned it to the sleeping figure. _Hit him_. Raising his hand in the air, mouth pressed into a firm line, he brought it down quick and hard. With a loud WHAP, he had slapped the person across the face in an attempt to wake them up.

The effect he had gotten was instantaneous, but perhaps not the one he had entirely wanted.

The sleeping cosplayer jerked, jumping to their feet, and before he could react, they had grabbed him by the wrist, yanking him almost off his feet as the strangers other hand grabbed him by the throat.

“Where am I? What’s going on?” the stranger demanded in a voice equally sexually ambiguous, keeping a firm hold on his throat and tugging his arm painfully behind his back. “Who are you two? Sellswords? Fancy clothes the both of you got.”

He gritted his teeth. “Let me go,” he demanded, voice hoarse and strained. His mind was screaming, a waterfall of thoughts and images, of impulses trying to break through to the surface, to the muscles and nerves.

The stranger tightened his grip, “Tell me what’s going on and I’ll consider—!”

The girl was thankfully not the passive observer. While the stranger had been focused on him, she had jumped over the seats dividing them and had, in an impressive display of acrobatics and flexibility, driven her foot right in the strangers face despite her being a good several inches shorter.

“What the _Hell_ , man!” she had yelled as she fell back to her feet, glaring up at him with anger and fear.

The person had stumbled back, their grip on him loosening, the hand on his neck letting go completely to hold the strangers own nose, checking for damage, for blood. “Ah, fuck! Okay we can play it that way if that’s how you want it.” With that, they moved towards her, dragging him along, but stopping short after one step. “Ah. I see how it is.”

There was a knife pressed right against their stomach, having slipped between the front flaps of the jerkin. Should have taken hold of both his hands instead of just one. He glared up at the stranger, his grip on the knife tight, ready to drive it into the flesh of the belly.

“How about we back off? We don’t know what’s going on here either, okay?” he said slowly, warningly. Hopefully the stranger accepted that. Even though he had a knife, he could tell they were in different leagues.

Thankfully, his answer seemed to be good enough. The stranger let go of his other hand and backed off. “Fair, fair,” they said, running a hand through their own hair, pushing it back a little. He noticed that their ears had a noticeable point to the tops. He also noticed, now that he was getting a good look at their face, that their eyes were a bright violet color. Weird. Eye contacts? Probably.

Slowly, he withdrew the knife and closed it up, sliding it back into his pocket. _Keep it out_. He glanced at the stranger, and then at the girl, waiting to see if either were going to make another move. The air was still tense, but, it didn't feel as volatile as it had. _The stranger is clearly dangerous. Don't take any chances_. But, by the looks of it, neither were going to lash out again, and so he wouldn't, either.

“Finally!” The girl was already walking away from them and to the table. Without another word, she snatched the first envelope and tore it open. She was as ready to get this over with as he was, by the looks of it. Then, she loudly cleared her throat to begin reading it out loud for them. _“Before we begin, please introduce yourselves so that both the three of you and the audience know who you each are.”_

They looked at one another, confusion clearly etched on their faces.

The girl scanned the theater, peering at the corners and the ceiling. “Audience? Like what? Cameras an stuff?”

“By the looks of it, they’re hidden,” he muttered.

The stranger furrowed their brows. “What even are ‘cameras’?” they asked and then paused, face looking visible uncomfortable, maybe even distraught. “ I… ah… okay, this is strange, very strange.”

He paid no mind to it, just a weirdo being weird. But, if all they wanted was an introduction, he could do that.

“Okay. I’ll go first.” He cleared his throat, looked around before deciding to face the movie screen—if there were cameras hidden, then that would be an ideal place to hide one. “My name is Asahi Kurosaki, nineteen. I was born in the Ōno district of Gifu, though I’ve moved to Tokyo and have been living there for the past four years. After finishing all my compulsory education and a little bit of high school, I joined the workforce as a barista at a café and as a freelance photographer.” Of course, that was leaving out some things here and there, but neither of these two needed to know any of _that_.

With that, Asahi nodded and turned to the girl, “Okay. Your turn.”

She shrugged, stuffed her hands into her pockets and looking like she didn’t care one bit. “Name’s Cherry Bolton. I’m seventeen. Born an raised city girl. Didn’t drop out or nothin’ since I’m still doin’ school. Work part-time. Skate in my free time. That about sums it up.” She plopped down into a seat after tossing the letter into the air. “Yer turn.”

Catching the letter, the stranger frowned. “I feel like I still know nothing about either of you,” they pointed out.

Asahi didn’t smile. “So? You know our names and what we do, that’s good enough, don’t you think? It’s not like we’re going to tell some strangers any more than necessary.” Personally, he felt like giving them his city location was a bit much, but hey, Tokyo was a big place.

That seemed to pacify the stranger a little bit. “Okay, okay. My name is Briar Makiir. I’m… old. Just how old escapes me. I’m half-fey, somewhat of a mage. More importantly is that I am a Hunstman from Tarrigan. I, ah, hunt monsters for a living.”

“Shoulda told me we were doing ‘in character’ stuff! Ah, I coulda had so much fun doin' somethin’ like that,” Cherry said loudly from her seat, not that Briar seemed to understand the joke. “But I’ve somethin’ I been wonderin’ bout you, Briar. No offense, but you a guy or gal?”

Ah, thankfully she was the one to ask. Asahi felt like he had been going crazy trying to figure that out. And by the looks of it, Briar didn’t seem offended at all. If anything, they offered a smile, a little laugh, a shake of the head.

“I’m a man right now.”

And giving answers that made as little sense as his introduction had. Well, whatever. A weirdo being weird.

Cherry and Briar were chatting, bantering a little with one another, but Asahi tuned them out just like he tuned out the mutterings in his head, or tried to. _It’s interesting how they speak Japanese so fluently,_ it was interesting, not that Asahi was paying it much mind, _They don’t sound like foreigners at all_ , no they didn’t. Had he been paying attention to the whispers and thoughts, he might have thought more on it. But as it was, Asahi couldn’t really bring himself to care much about these two people or what their stories were.

For now, there were things a bit more important than whispers, language, and nationalities. Instead, Asahi moved to take the other letter, tearing it open and bringing it back to the other two so that they could read it as well.

_If you are reading this, then I believe it is right to assume that the three of you have already done as the previous letter has asked. With that in mind, I welcome and thank you for coming, and will explain the purpose of your presence here today._

_I consider myself a being of science, and so it would not be wrong to consider this a kind of social experiment, though I can hardly say I am the first to attempt this, only among the most recent. You’re here to read and review some… rather poor attempts at written fiction. Fanfiction, to be precise. Your responses and reactions will be filmed and shown to a large audience. Be as honest and as vicious as you can to these affronts of literature._

_As for the theater itself. Where you are currently stands as a nexus between worlds. A neutral space, so to speak. The three of you may leave as you wish, however only those I’ve permitted may enter when I permit it. You may have noticed, but the three of you are not from the same worlds, not from the same realities. This theater acts as grounds where you may meet one another. This may provide all of you with a unique learning experience, as undoubtedly you can learn from each other. Do not worry, you will not forget what transpires in this theater when you leave._

_To make this easier for everyone present, I’ve made it so that you will receive knowledge regarding various fandoms, terms, and other miscellaneous facts that will come to you as needed. You may have also noticed that you are able to understand one another precisely despite speaking different languages, that is also due to the theater’s effects on you. However, the knowledge and understanding only works within the theater grounds._

_Now, I assure you that your time and efforts wont go unrewarded. Any proceeds received from donations and advertisement funding will go to both expanding and improving the theater, and each of you will also receive stipend. All I ask is that you come once a week, that you give me your time, nothing more, nothing less._

_And, if you require more persuading; the expansion into other worlds will provide more opportunities to meet new people, to experience and learn new things. You may each grow from these experiences, to learn or gain skills that may aid you in goals or dreams. You have been given an opportunity to experience a multiverse, and it is not an opportunity many are ever given._

_I beg you to not let this opportunity slip by. This may be difficult, perhaps even painful at times, but I promise you that it will be worth it all in the end._

_Snacks and drinks will be provided, free of charge._

With that, the letter was done, and as the three slowly process the contents, they looked to each other. The wheels were turning in each of their minds, contemplating, considering, going over what was offered to them and what was asked of them in return. After minutes of silent contemplation, the Hunstman spoke up.

“I’ve seen many bits of magic, all sorts of horrors and more, but even so, this is hard to believe.” He crossed his arms, staring at the letter that had been moved back to the table. “The letter bleeds ambition and screams of a madman. But, by the Aether if I’m not curious to see how this unfolds.”

Asahi looked over to Cherry, who was kicking her feet against the ground as she thought, her lips pursed, her eyes turned up to the ceiling. He didn’t want to admit it, but he agreed with Briar. The letter seemed ambitious and mad in equal parts, but there was something about it that made him curious. It was like seeing a car crash, common sense said to do one thing, but you just couldn’t help but stand still and watch the car erupt into flames and the people around it scream. Plus, whoever brought them here was offering money, and well, who was he to say no to money when all he had to do was read some fanfics?

Cherry hummed, “I’m kind of interested to see what all this is about, too,” she agreed, tapping against the paper and flipping it over. There was, to their surprise and somehow unsurprising, more on the back.

_If you are still reading, then I will take it as you have accepted this offer. There are no words to express my gratitude, so I will simply say this; Thank you._

_The story you are starting with is a short one all things considered, coming in at only a little over 2k words. It is a Harry Potter fanfic by Belle-Destinee called ‘Harry’s Destiny’._

_I wish you all the best of luck._

The group let out a collective groan when the letter was, for certain now, done. None could say they looked forward to what they already knew was going to be a bad one.

“Talk about throwing us into the thick of things,” Asahi muttered. “At least we aren’t starting off with _My Immortal_.”

Cherry huffed, “I’ll take what I can get. Coulda been worse, an how bad can it be?” she asked, looking around. “But, hey, he said snacks would be provided, right? Well, I’m gonna get myself some snacks before we start. Who’s with me?”

“I could use for a bite and a drink,” Briar smiled softly.

Asahi frowned. “Well, I think I did see a concession stand by the door… but I don’t think I saw anything there.”

As if to prove him wrong, the smell of snacks wafted through the air. All three glanced over to the back doors, and sure enough at what had been an empty stand was now full of all sorts of snacks and drinks waiting to be taken. _Perhaps you aren’t as observant as you thought_ , he heard Banī in his ear. He ignored it.

The three went to collect their respective treats, which took longer than expected, due to Briar not knowing what anything but the water and jerky were. When all was said and done, they took their seats in the front row, settling in with Briar and Asahi on the sides and Cherry in the center. The room darkened after a few moments, and as the screen lit up, the debacle began.

* * *

**~* chapter one *~**

**the weather was very cold becuz it was winter time.**

Cherry: Becuz! Ain’t we off to a swell start!

Asahi: Considering it’s winter, I’d hope it would be cold.

**Florianna fastasa serenity is walking don the road and was very cold.**

Briar: I shouldn’t judge a person by their name. But, that name is awful beyond words.

Cherry: I’m just assumin’ here that her name is ‘Fastasa’ cause she runs towards bullshit _real_ fast.

**she was looking for the Hogwarts Castle in the middle of the city becaus she has been chosen to become the castles maid.**

Asahi: There are…

Asahi: …Many things wrong with that sentence.

Briar: You make it sound like becoming a servant is something you get chosen from like a lottery.

Briar: Number 28? You’re up for maid duty. Report to the castle at dawn!

**she walk and walk and soon she get there. the guards open the door for her.**

Cherry: I’m gettin’ a real ‘not wizards’ vibe so far.

Cherry: Guards? Castles in the city? This ain’t the Hogwarts I know.

**"Thank you" she said politely and the guards smiled at heshe felt good after that. Just then she met a tall and stern lookng maid with red hair who made her feel small. still flora greeted her polite.**

Briar: I will commend her where it is due; she is very polite. She is a servant and knows it is unwise to act up around those who are your seniors and superiors.

**"Who r u" she demanded and flora was shocked.**

**"Who r u" flora asked sadly**

**"I am ginny blackheart" she said menacing.**

Asahi: Okay, no, no, and no. ‘Blackheart’? _‘Blackheart’_? The name is Ginny _Weasley_! What is this, another ‘gothic’ retelling of Hogwarts?

Cherry: I hope not.

**"we dont want you here"**

Briar: Unfortunately, Ginny. That is not up to you to decide who works here.

Briar: That is for the Lord of the castle to decide.

**Flora don't know why grinny was so mean at her i mean i was invited here to be a maid!**

Briar: Correction, you wouldn’t have been ‘invited’ to be a maid. That suggests that this is just a visit of some sort, not a job you have been tasked with to serve the lords and their guests.

**she was scared. just then a man with black hair came down the stairs.**

**"It is prince harry" everyone gasped and bowed.**

Cherry: Oh. Well, lookie there! Someone’s climbed up in the world!

**harry was a very handsome person. flora was surprised. harry said to ginny "stop doing this to her i was the one who invited her here" Flora blushed. ginny was angry**

Asahi: I’m going to assume it’s not good for maids to get angry at their lords, just like it’s not good for any employee to lash out at their boss.

**"b-but you are the headmaster heir harry"**

Briar: Is he a prince or a future headmaster?

**she said "and you are engaged to me"**

**"i am engaged to no one" said harry "begone ginny before i explode you"**

Cherry: Havin’ the power ta explode people? That sounds wicked!

Briar: I can’t say I’ve heard of that sort of spell before.

**ginna ran away**

**"how can i repay you" said flora**

**"just be here forever and ever' breathed harry**

Asahi: “You can repay me by keeping the castle clean.”

**~TO BE CONTINUED~ 3**

**AN: No this is not a joke... if yes i would have put humour tag.**

Cherry: Well, we’re still gonna treat it as a joke.

**~*floras destiny*~**

Briar: I thought it was _Harry’s_ destiny?

**so floar is now working in the castle as a maid. harryn always talks to her became they can get along very well now. sometimes ginny look evil at her but she cant do anything because harrie is watching.**

Asahi: Just the grammar alone makes my eyes hurt.

Briar: I wonder how many different ways she’s going to spell ‘Harry’.

**still gin ny always try to be mean to flora.**

**"i noe u r trying to steal harry from me" she say with menacing**

**"no i am not" said flora scaredly. she is telling the truth!**

Cherry: Gal, you can capitalize your letters, ya know?

**"I see u r trying to get close to harry becuz u want to become princess of hogwarts!" ginny yell and slapped flora. just then harry appear and slap ginny.**

**"go away and dont hit my girlfirned" said happy "i think u r just jealous"**

Briar: I’m sorry? I think we missed a step or a detail?

Briar: When did they become a couple?

Asahi: Just now. Prince Harry has decided she’s his girlfriend, no one is allowed to say otherwise.

**Ginny blakheart run away becuz she was scared. actually she just want to marry harri becuz she wants to become princess. unlike flora who actually wants to marry larry because of real.**

Cherry: Because of real…?

Asahi: Could be a number of things. Probably not love. Definitely not love.

**"lets get married flora" breatehd Harry**

**"Yes please" said flora**

Briar: does Harry have a breathing problem? I’ve noticed he tends to ‘breathe’ his words rather than say them.

Asahi: He’s choking on his tears for having to say any of these.

**to be continued!**

**A/N: pls dont comment on my spelling. my teacher says that good writing spelling is not most important.**

Cherry: Your teach is lyin’ to ya, then.

Asahi: I got to agree there. Spelling is pretty important in writing. If the spelling is atrocious, then it won’t be easy to read at all.

Asahi: Plot and story is important to, but you’re not doing too hot in that department, either.

**if u only focus on outside u will not understand tru beauty, thats what she said. just like how a lot of ppl say the girl in my class very pretty but she has bad personalite do u like that?**

Cherry: Like Asahi said, though. The story an the plot ain’t that great either.

Cherry: So I’d say it’s pretty ugly both inside an out.

**also i asure u that flora is not mary sue. she has flaws later on u see.**

Briar: I find that hard to believe.

**~ hermione and flora and harry~**

**the next day flora went out to do some chores and she met hermoine, a girl in love with voldemort the dark lord.**

Asahi: I’m sorry? What?

Asahi: That doesn’t—with _Voldemort_? Not Ron Weasley? The boyfriend she later on marries? She’s in love with Voldemort?

Briar: Wow. That is a… strange couple.

**harry dont like her only as friend so they dont talk a lot. hermione and vold talk a lot and they smile too. voldemort like her and he said he will destroy world for her.**

Cherry: Aaaaugh! The grammar is just terrible!

Asahi: I have to give him props though. Destroying the world for the one you love? Not a bad idea.

**hermione shoscked and said no! u must not destroy hogwarts magic land and voldmort say ok.**

Briar: “Hogwarts magic land”? That’s just… it feels very lazy.

**(this is story abt how voldemort become good, becuz he turn back into handsome tom ruddle and fall in luv with hermione. i will cover this in other fic more in deep later.)**

Asahi: Oh, joy. There’s a spinoff.

Cherry: Cause evil makes ya ugly, but being good makes ya pretty.

**anyway they live. and then flora ask harryn 'who is she' and harry say 'voldemort and hermione'. voldemort was very handsome not as handsome as harry but still very nice looking. because she have blacky hair and black clothes like gothic. he looks very mysterious and he is a duck lord.**

Cherry: Lord of the ducks!

**so lfora want to know more about her! they went back.**

**'wher did u go' said ginny angry. hahrry slapped her becuz she not polite. everyone must be polite so that is not good manner.**

Briar: Raising a hand to a woman in response to a question is hardly polite, either.

**harry and flora go upstairs. then they watch tv becauz ginn has been good girl.**

Asahi: There’s television here?

Asahi: I’m genuinely confused if this takes place in the canon wizarding world of in some past medieval world.

**so they play together and also read story about the past teach sevrus snake. then they fall asleep but they didnt do anything naughty becase they were pure and good.**

Cherry: I find that hard to believe. The pure an good part.

**but flora cannot forget vooldemort... he seem like he is very sad. flora wans to know why..**

Briar: Curiosity is good and all, but it’s important to know when not to involve yourself in the business of others. This is one of those times.

**to be continued**

**thank u krikanalo ur reveiws r really gud and make me want continue.**

Cherry: Krikanalo, why’d ya do us dirty like that?

**as to the rest ok i belief spell and grammer are important but its not the most impt ok? a good story is all tht enuff.**

Asahi: And I disagree. Doesn’t matter how good a story is if you can’t make sense of it due to awful spelling and grammar.

**in future when i have prove reader they can fix all my spell mistooks so dun wurry. ill be gud righter in no time.**

Briar: Why not take the time to proofread and improve your story and writing yourself?

Cherry: Cause that means the writer ‘ere has to put in _effort_.

**Also shes not a mary sue, later chapters will show shes flaws and she can be unkind sometimes.**

Asahi: She’s barely a character at all right now. I know nothing about her besides her name and that she’s a maid.

**~ next Chapter ~ 333**

**flora wake up the next morning becuz the alarm bell ring with sound.**

Cherry: Kinda the point of an alarm.

**She closed it and look at the date it was august already and it was 7 am she must go to harrys room. so She walk out with blossoming excited steps and knock on garry's door smiling happily.**

Briar: Aren’t you supposed to go to _Harry’s_ room? He might be upset you went to Garry’s instead.

**"prince Harry wake up we are going to date together today" flora smells happily**

Asahi: How do you even ‘smell happily’?

Cherry: No idea.

**when she knows on the door. Suddenly she heard a Crash sound! she rushed in to see harry on the floor... Gginny is sleep drugging him and is going to do things to him!**

Asahi: Big yikes.

Cherry: An why am I not surprised it went there?

**flora wants to stop her so she immediately use her inner magic!**

**"Avada Kedavra!" she shout and the magic blow Ginny away.**

Briar: Considering the spell is the Killing Curse, it did more than just blow her away.

Briar: Impressive you knew how to do the spell with no training at all. Truly impressive. It’s almost, as you’d call it, bullshit.

**she was shockd at her magic and how she can do it... she ran to harry and harry told her she must be an magical witch with lots of power thats y she can do magic like that...**

Asahi: Considering she’s at _Hogwarts_ , even if it’s as a maid, I assumed she was a witch from the beginning.

Asahi: You really gave us no reason to assume she was a muggle.

**to be continued...**

**Chapter 5 -- Flora magicwitch**

**~ chapter 22 ~ flora is who? ~~~~***

Cherry: We’ve been wonderin’ that from the start.

**larry pull flora out and they go talk abt impt stuff.**

Briar: And now she’s left Harry for Larry. The poor lad.

**"i think u must be wtich..." he whisper in extreme softness.**

Cherry: Nothin’ more sensual than extreme softness.

**flora Looks back with bloooming pink eyes and is surprised**

Asahi: Oh, great. Her eyes are _pink_.

Asahi: Actually, I can’t complain. Briar here has violet eyes. Thanks, Briar, you took away our ability to complain about fancy eyes.

Briar: I’m…sorry?

**"y? she asked" why do you think i Must be witch? she is scared becuz she dont know what is witch... she want to be normal with lal her frenz.**

Cherry: Well, ya did just use magic, a Killin’ Curse, mind you. Unless ya know anything else that can use magic…?

**"becuz u use the avade kedgavra spell" he say serious looking... his eyes look at her pink eyes and sparkle with blueness. pink meets blue. everything dark and opposite.**

Asahi: That… makes no sense?

Asahi: Because pink represents girls and blue represents boys? But dark and opposite?

Asahi: No, still makes little sense.

**"but how can i b which" she say shock "i am muggle born and raised in an orphanage becuz my parents were killed at young age" she said with sad everywhere.**

Briar: Obligatory sad backstory, check.

**"i am surpise too" harry say thoughting. finally he say "we must talk to my best friendn voldermort. he knows aboutwizards becuz he is also wizard n he is powerfuller"**

Asahi: Ah, yes, my best friend who murdered my parents and tried to kill me when I was a baby.

**"ok" say flora "and they set off"**

Cherry: I’m just imaginin’ Harry starin’ at her all awkward like after she said ‘any they set off’, cause who verbally narrates what they do and looks normal doing so?

**to be continued...**

**Chapter 6 - quest 2 find destiny**

**pls b nicer i still lerning... if any1 want to b my beta tester plz sms me and i wil let u edit script in here. i will give u lots thanks.**

Briar: A beta tester is something completely different. What you’re looking for is a beta reader.

Briar: And it would be some very intensive editing.

**~ quest to find turth ~**

Asahi: Isn’t it the Quest to Find Destiny? What does Turth have to do with this?

**so harry and flora walk and walk to a dark cave to look for the darkn lord voldmort and hi girlfrien d hermione in te cave.**

Cherry: Ya know? It’s kinda rude to keep callin’ ‘im the “Dark Lord” when Voldemort’s ‘sposedly turned good.

Cherry: An why’s he and Hermione livin’ out in a cave? They’ve got castles, an houses, and civilization!

Asahi: You’re asking for common sense, the author doesn’t possess that.

**the cave dark and gloomy and flora ver scared, her brown hair in the wind flip around a lot. suddenly have fire in the cave. flora hair look red because fire relfect in the hair and harry hair look purple**

Briar: That’s not… that’s not how colors work.

**suddenly they go look at the fire turns out it is Draco malboy! his hair look purple also**

Cherry: So Draco’s now made of fire?

Briar: More importantly, that’s still not how color works.

**"u again malfoy" said harry angry. he protective of flora. but flora knows draco is not bad boy so she give him candy and draco like her and show her the way.**

Asahi: I’m sorry, this just doesn’t make any sense. I guess Draco can be bribed with candy now?

**they walk and wlak. harry high heels clop on the ground and make loud sounds and draco say 'shhhh potter' so harry dont like mafloy...**

Cherry: This is becomin’ more an more trollish. High heels? In a cave? Not practical at all. A safety hazard if anything.

**finally in final room they see a giant squid tryin to kill voldmort and hermione! harry try explode the monster but no use... draco use fire on monster but the squid breathe fire also... so flora say "avada Kedarva' again and squib turn into nothing and puff away.**

Briar: That’s not how Avada Kedavra works. Oh, wait, no. She’s using Avada _Kedarva_. Must be a different spell.

**'thank u for saving us' said voldemort with happy. 'what can i do to Repay u?'**

Asahi: I refuse to believe that Voldemort, the former Dark Lord, the most dangerous wizard out there had to be saved by a maid who only knows one spell.

Briar: I think it’ll be better for all of us if we just pretend this is a different man than the Voldemort we knew.

**to be confinued...**

**Chapter 7 - truth abt fllra**

**pls dont say bad things anymore... im crying now... if u want help tell me where 2 help ok. tell me if u want 2 be betta reader.**

Asahi: Look, do the work yourself. People have told you what’s wrong with the story. Primarily the spelling and grammar are horrendous.

Asahi: Don’t be lazy. Do your own work, put in the effort yourself to make this story better. You’ll be able to look at it with more pride that way.

**~ chapter turth abt flora ~**

**voldmore look with grateful at flora 'i will do anything u want' he said with sweet voice hermione look shock... but flora didnt ask him to do anything naughtie instead she asked him**

Asahi: You know? I wonder if the author knows that Voldemort is in his seventies. Actually, does she even care that he’s a seventy-year-old man and pairing him with teenagers is kind of really gross?

**'i want to know about my past' she saids 'why do i noe avada kedavra spell? am i witch' she added very imptly**

Cherry: Ah! Imptly! The most stressful of feelin’s!

**voldmod sighed dispapointed and told flora 'u r actually the ddaughter of the immoralts zeus and aprodite... they r actually even greater witchgods than me...**

Briar: I’ve a lot of questions about this.

Briar: Why are they bringing Greek mythology into this? Why is she referring to Voldemort as a ‘witchgod’? And why _Zeus_ and _Aphrodite_?

Asahi: I can guess for the last one? Zeus is the King of Gods. So he’s super important. Aphrodite is the Goddess of Love and Beauty. So her kids will naturally be insanely beautiful. So; super beautiful and super important.

**this is y avada kedvar spell is actually have easy for u'' he said**

Cherry: Still don’t explain how she knows the spell at all when there’s been no mention of her ever even hearin’ the words.

**flora is shocked 'then y am i muggle born? how come i cdont know anything' she cried and stepped behind... harry hold her before she can fall into the hot larva by accidentally with wrong step down...**

Asahi: Wait, did we miss something? Where did the lava come from?

**'walk with careful flora' said harry warning... flora say 'ok' and turn back to voldmort "y...'**

**"when zeus and aprodite were young they were killed by my evil clone thanatos' said volmortd sad sad 'he want to take over world so he kill zeus and aphrodite so u r now orphan and put in orphange to become muggle born' he added sad sad.**

Briar: So many things that… I don’t know where to start.

Cherry: Ya can’t just ‘become’ muggle-born. Also; I know Thanatos is the God of Death an all that, but Zeus an Aphrodite are also divine beings, can’t be killed just like that. Kinda a perk for being, you know, immortal.

**flora sink to knee level and everything went dark.. she was sad.**

Asahi: Kind of an understatement to what someone would be feeling, but okay.

**to be continued...**

**Chapter 8 - the REAL truth1!**

Briar: Suggesting what we just read wasn’t the truth?

**pls dont b rude... it make me very sad if u curse me to die... its not very nice... if u dont like then just tell me... i will stop and go away ok i noe u all mad at me...**

Briar: Now I’m feeling bad about this.

Asahi: She’s trying to guilt trap you. Don’t fall for it.

**~chapter the REAL truth~**

**fiona is alone at home...**

Cherry: New character?

**she sit on the window legde thinking about her life... hwo can she be witchgod? she cannot be. she have grow old and all... witch cannot grow old right? so she cannot be iwitch...**

Briar: Well, I don’t know about the ones _here_ , but with the right spells, a mage can slow down their aging. They’ll grow old, but it’ll take longer.

Cherry: _Harry Potter_ wizards grow old, too. They just got longer life expectancy is all.

**just then she hear someone high hells clip clip clop on theh ground outside her rom. she open the door and see harry!**

Asahi: Is it ever going to be explained why he’s wearing high heels?

**"hello flora i know u must be here" he say pheasantly. flora smile a bit sadly but she dont know what to say. finally she determine that she want to know the truth.**

**"i think voldmort jmust be lying" she say strong.**

Asahi: Just because of the aging bit?

**harry figdet nervous... "why would he lie?"**

**"there is no such thing as zeus and aprodite' she say angry. 'you must be lying together with vold mort because u dont want me to know te truth'**

Briar: Careful, Flora. He’s still the prince-slash-headmaster-heir-person. You don’t want to anger the one who can fire you.

**'then what is the truth!' harry shout back with nasty in the air.**

Cherry: Dontcha just hate it when nasty gets in the air?

**flora say**

**'i remember now... ia am actually daughter of dumbledora and mcgonnagal." she say. she can finally remember her mother and father golden hairs.**

Asahi: Completely ignoring that Dumbledore is a gay man?

Asahi: Wait, was this made before or after the reveal?

Cherry: Afta.

Asahi: Then she has no excuse in ignoring that.

**to be continue...**

**Chapter 9 THE QUEST LEGECY**

**ooo the quest for legacy ooo**

**the next day flora decide to set off for finding out past. she want to find her mom and dad dumblodorr and mcgonnald in the desert becuz she can feel that they are there**

Briar: It’d be nice to be able to magically sense where your parents are.

Cherry: I’d’a loved to have that when I was lil’. Not so much now.

**"how r u so sure" say harry**

**"becuz i can feel them, i am there daughter" she smile happy**

Asahi: That’s not how blood ties work, though.

**finally when they reach the desert there r huge bunch of thugs... harry immedately protect flora**

**"run away flora" said happy with his huge wand sword ready in front of him "i will hold them off"**

Briar: Wand-sword? That is both stupid and intriguing.

**"no marry" she gasp**

Asahi: With how many times Harry’s name has been forgotten, I’m surprised he’s not insulted and ready to leave her.

**the thug slash at harpy and harryn dodged... another thug grab flora and smerk at her with a laughing face**

Cherry: Huh. Never thought a laughin’ face could be used as a weapon.

**"hell pretty little girl" he say with a smile...**

**"dont touch her shes my girflriend!" harry scream but the other thug kick him in his tummy...**

Asahi: Oh, no! Not the tum-tum! A man’s one weakness!

**what can flora do?**

Cherry: Probably nothin’ useful other than murder.

* * *

The lights came back on, slow enough for their eyes to adjust. The three sat there, leaned back in their chairs, snacks gone and all of them mentally exhausted from this ride. They sat for a solid moment in the silence before Cherry raised her head to speak up.

“So, final thoughts?”

Asahi frowned, groaning, his head practically overflowing with more thoughts than he could keep track of. He raised his hand. “Let’s see… the grammar is horrible, as is the spelling. There seems to be absolutely no understanding of how Hogwarts, of the _Harry Potter_ universe for that matter, works. You’re left to assume this is an AU, but then she does things that makes you think it’s supposed to be set in the canon world, which just makes it worse,” he paused, just trying to sort out the many, many sins this story committed was a struggle. “Stupidity in relationships, characters just being butchered, inability to write a simple name such as ‘Harry’ right, and so many more.”

He stopped, sighed, and looked at the others. “Is it bad that I know this is hardly the worst?

Cherry shuddered at the idea of being put through something worse, and he swore he saw Briar pale.

“At least we can agree this one was bad?” the supposed Hunstman asked, Both Briar and Cherry nodded to that. “At least it was short.”

With that, he got up from his seat, adjusting the cuffs off his gloves and stretching, the joints popping audibly. After a few moments, he lowered his arms and turned to the others. “Well, see you guys next week?”

Asahi raised a brow as he and Cherry looked to one another and then at the man.

“You wanna do this again?” Cherry asked.

“It wasn’t the worst thing out there, I’m sure we’ve all gone through something worse than a bad story,” he answered and gave a soft shrug. “We get food and some coin, and I do have free time.”

With that, he said his goodbye and headed out, disappearing through the doorway as it loudly shut behind him.

Asahi frowned. Did he want to go through this again? Sit in a theater with two people he didn’t know? He had plenty of free time, yes. But he had a meticulous schedule to keep to, too. Asahi was very particular about making sure to spend as much of his time as possible with Mitsuru, and spending time here cut into time with her.

But, he had to admit, Briar had a point. It wasn’t _that_ bad. A couple of hours once or twice a week, some free food, and they get paid. That was money he could spend towards Mitsuru. And, well, he was a bit curious about this whole multiverse thing.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to come back, at least for a little bit. It wasn’t as if he was contractually obligated to keep coming back.

“Well, see ya next week,” Cherry said, patting him on the shoulder as she passed, making her choice clear for him as she also left.

Asahi sighed, a small hint of a smile starting to show. “See you next week,” He agreed.


	2. Story Two: Fucks High; School For Furries And Drug Lords (Pt. 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another story to rip to shreds. From the ripe old times of 2010-2013, we bring you the Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin by TwilightRova. It's atrocious, bad to the point of hilarious, if you're not trying to read it as a serious story, that is. 
> 
> A heads up; KoRS is split into 3 arcs, and so this story will be segmented into 3 parts.

Cherry hummed, bouncing her leg impatiently, moving the skateboard she kept under her foot back and forth with each motion, as she tried to focus all her attention on _Animal Crossing_ as she played on her 3DS. The theater was bright and as largely vacant as the last time, but this time around it was short two more people. The only other two people who had been there besides herself.

 _Maybe I shouldn’t have come back_. She thought to herself for what must have been the fifth time since she came inside the building.

This time it would have seemed she was the first to arrive given that no one else was there, giving her time to wander around, but it also left her with plenty of time to wonder if it had truly been worth coming back. Just like the last week, she had been called out to the theater by a letter appearing in her mail, and just like last time, there was a letter waiting for them in the theater, sealed up tight on the table between the seats and screens. ‘Open When Everyone Is Present’ scrawled neatly on the front.

She wanted to open it. She wanted badly to tear it open and see what it said inside, but did everything she could to keep her impulses at bay. That didn’t mean she was able to just sit still. Her leg kept bouncing and she found herself chewing on her own lip as her eyes struggled to stay focused on the game in her hand.

 _Five minutes_ , she thought to herself. Five minutes was how long she was going to wait and then she’d get up and leave the theater. If the others weren’t there in five, she had no reason to keep waiting.

With that, Cherry dragged her attention back to her game with a lot of effort. She had work to do, debt to pay off, a town to maintain. And to do all that, she had to catch and sell plenty of bugs and fish.

 _Four minutes_ , she thought as she hopped into the boat and made her wait to Tortimer Island.

As much as she absolutely loved the island, Cherry loathed the trip to it. Kapp’n was fun and cute and all that, but boy was it a long and dull spiel. The singing and the classic _Animal Crossing_ sound bites weren’t bad by any means, it just got boring after a while, and she made _frequent_ trips to the island for some big buck catches. Well, if she happened to take out her earbuds so that she didn’t need to listen to any of it, no one would be any the wiser.

And besides, in the end she was doing all of this for Isabelle, the adorable puppy mascot that served as her secretary.

 _Three minutes_ …

Cherry finished off the bag of Butterfinger Bites, wiping the crumbs away onto her jeans as she resumed her fishing. If the others didn’t show up, well… it had been interesting meeting them at all. Maybe the one who was orchestrating all of this would find others to participate in this silly ‘social experiment’ if none of them came. If it was that important of a thing to him or her, then Cherry assumed that the mastermind behind it all would do just that, find replacements.

She didn’t like that term, though. Replacements. It made her feel like they hadn’t been important to begin with. Replaced with something… some _one_ better. It let a bitter taste in her mouth, and so she did her best to shake those thoughts from her mind.

 _Two minutes_ …

There wasn’t any sign that anyone else was going to show. Cherry frowned, sighed, and closed her 3DS, slipping it into her bag and slowly stood to her feet, dragging her bag up with her to hoist it over a bare shoulder. Might as well get ready to head out. She picked up her skateboard and started up towards the door.

Sure, they’d all made it sound like they were coming back when they left last week, and she had thought she hadn’t been the only one curious of what else this experiment would entail, but, it made sense why she was the only one here. Why would anyone want to purposely read something this bad? Cherry wasn’t big on reading, she might sit down and read a book once in a while, but even she had standards for quality.

She sighed again, adjusting her hold on her things. She’d go back home, ignore any more letters that might come calling for her presence, spend the day skating, or hanging out with Jake, or something that wasn’t here, and she’d—

The door slowly swung open, causing Cherry to freeze like a deer in the headlights. She quickly scooted to the side as Asahi began making his way down the stairs. He nodded to her as he passed, and Cherry noticed he was carrying more than one book this time.

“Hey, Asahi,” Cherry said with a smile as she started to walk beside him back down to their seats. She was glad she’d waited as long as she had, it would have been awkward if she had left earlier and not have been here when Asahi arrived.

He nodded again, blowing some strands of hair out of his eyes as he moved to the same seat he had sat in last time and plopped down, placing his books on the seat beside him. He grabbed one (whatever it was titled, Cherry hadn’t the slightest idea) and was about to open it before pausing, hesitating. Asahi turned to look at her as Cherry settled into her seat, frowning hard, looking unsure.

“…Cherry, right?”

Ouch, well, that stung a bit. “Yikes! Was I so borin’ that you forgot my name?” she asked, throwing a hand to her heart. “That’s a real low blow, Asahi.”

He shrugged, not seeming to care much for her antics and acting. Instead, he opened the book and started to read.

With that, it was silent in the theater once more as they waited for Briar to arrive. She had dropped her bag and board back to the ground and was slumped down in her seat, tempted to bring out her game once more, but at the same time, she didn’t want to. Not when there was another person in the room with her, a person who was supposedly from a different world if the one in charge of these letters was to be believed. Cherry was still a bit iffy on whether that part was true or not..

She stared at the screen, shuffled her feet as she sat, let her fingers play with the insides of her jacket pockets.

Eventually, the silence became too boring for her.

“Whatcha readin’?”

Asahi looked up from his book to glance at her, and then back at the pages. There were a few moments that passed where he said nothing, seemingly contemplating his words, leaving her waiting in anticipation for him to speak. “Yoshida Shuichi’s _‘Villain’.”_

 _Never heard of it,_ Cherry almost said, but stopped herself. Right, right. Asahi supposedly was living in Tokyo, of course he wouldn’t be reading any books she knew of. “What’s it about?” she asked instead.

For a moment, she swore she saw him smile. “It’s a thriller, a really dark one at that. Basically, this woman—Yoshino—she gets killed and her body is found at Mitsuse Pass. The story follows the investigation into who murdered her while uncovering secrets and lies.” He turned back to the pages, and once again Cherry saw that flicker of a smile. “I haven’t finished it yet, but so far it’s a good story about murder and collective guilt.”

“Ah, it sounds pretty interestin’,” Cherry didn’t really read thrillers. She preferred comedies. “Ya think they got an English translation?”

“I…ah, think there is?” Asahi said, not looking too certain.

Well, in that case, she was going to need to Google it when she got home. She’d have done it right then and there, but, somehow for a place that served as ‘nexus between worlds’, the place had the crappiest signals for both phone and WiFi. She couldn’t even get a text sent out when inside the building.

Before Cherry could ask anything else of the book, the doors were thrown open once more and the sound of heavy leather boots on the steps echoed in the air. She and Asahi both turned in their seats to see the supposed Huntsman making his way towards them.

At least, Cherry thought it was Briar. He looked rather… _different_.

Of course the first difference was that he wasn’t wearing those gloves or the leather jerkin. He still wore those dusty leather boots and the high-waisted trousers that showed off his rather lovely bottom, but he was also wearing one of those long sleeved white Renaissance shirts, the ones that had the skinny V cut down the front and twine lacing through it, as it to accentuate the point that he was supposedly not from modern times.

Oh, and apparently Briar had breasts, now.

Rather prominent ones in fact. He sure as Hell didn’t have those last week.

“I see you both came back, too,” Briar smiled as he (she?) took the same seat he had used last week. Asahi closed his book and placed it back on the pile of others. “I’ll be honest, I was afraid I’d come to an empty room.”

“Seems we’re all gluttons for punishment,” Asahi said and narrowed his eyes at the Huntsman. “But, what’s going on with you?”

“Hm?”

“Your…your…” Asahi gestured helplessly at Briar’s chest.

Feeling like being helpful, Cherry spoke up for him, “Your boobs.” Asahi groaned and buried his face in his hands, and Briar looked oddly confused, so she clarified. “You didn’t have em last time. Now you have em. By all accounts, it doesn’t really add up.”

That seemed to do the trick. Briar blinked, and Cherry could see the lightbulb going off his his (her) head.

“Ah that. Well,” Briar began, looking awkward and giving them a sheepish laugh. “I’ve magic. I think I mentioned that last time we met? Or, maybe I didn’t. But, I can use magic, and, well, sometimes I don’t really feel like I’m a man, or that my body should be that of a man’s, and sometimes it’s the other way around.” Briar shrugged helplessly, “So, I have this spell that let’s my physical form match whatever I spiritually feel like I am. Last week I was a man, this week I am a woman.”

Oh. _Ooooh!_

“You’re genderfluid?” Asahi asked, cocking his head to the side.

Briar looked confused, and if this whole ‘connected universes’ thing was right, she probably never even heard that term before.

“Means your identity isn’t fixed on one gender,” Cherry added, and Briar nodded. “I gotta say, pretty nifty you can change your body when ya want. I’m sure a lotta people would want that.”

Chuckling, Briar scratched the back of her head. “It is a good spell and it has set my heart at ease being able to match what I feel. But, I don’t think it’s a spell everyone should use just because they are, ah… ‘genderfluid’ as you say,” she said. Cherry frowned at that, not quite understanding, and Briar seemed to sense that. “Magic comes with a price for everything. Magic can lengthen a life, but it can shorten it, too. This kind of magic requires sacrifice for using it, and it’s not one that everyone wants to make.”

“What’s the sacrifice?” Cherry asked. Not that she really believed any of this, not completely, not yet. But, she was curious.

“I’m completely sterile,” Briar answered instantly. “Not even the strongest fertility spells can change it. Some people I know, myself included, don’t mind never bearing or siring children. Others I’ve met have driven themselves into the bosom of madness trying to find a way to regain what they’d chosen to give up.”

With that, Asahi abruptly stood up.

“Look, it’s fine if you want to have a heart to heart about these kinds of things. But we’re here to read awful fanfics, not to talk about if we can have kids or not,” he said, looking visibly uncomfortable, but hid it just as fast as he snatched up the letter from the table. “Let’s start, okay?”

“Go ahead,” Briar nodded with a gentle smile. “Let’s see what is in store for us today.”

Tearing open the letter, Asahi brought it back over to Cherry and Briar to read.

_Thank you for returning, I am without words to convey my gratitude that you are continuing with this experiment. Thank you, once again, for agreeing to be such a crucial part to this._

_I think it is time to truly test your resolves and to see how committed you may be. While I do not believe ‘Harry’s Destiny’ to have been child splay, it was certainly not the worst story out there. And so, please consider this a test of sorts of if you will be able to handle the nonsenses and sometimes outright offensive stories we will be reading in the future._

_But, to get to the point. The story chosen for you today is known as the “Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin” by TwilightRova, a Twilight fanfiction written in 2010, though it’s most recent update was in 2013. In some ways, this story may be better than ‘Harry’s Destiny’. In other ways, it will be much, much worse._

_I thank you, once again, and I wish you all the best of luck._

It was plain to see and easy to say that Cherry was not in a good mood after reading that. She threw her head back, and when she kicked her feet against the floor like an angry horse, she nearly sent her skateboard flying across the room.

“Great, just great! Second week an we’re already readin _Twilight!”_ she yelled, doing everything in her power to not grab her pigtails and start tugging at her own hair. Her therapist said that was a bad and harmful habit and she was making an effort to listen to her therapist.

Asahi frowned as he sat back down into his seat, nudging her skateboard, which had rolled over to his spot, back to her. “ _Twilight_ wasn’t that great of a story, so I can’t say I expect much from the fanfiction.”

Shaking her head, Briar tried to offer them a soft smile. “It could be worse,” she said, but they knew better, so she sighed and adjusted how she sat so she was looking to the screen. “Well, let’s just get started, then.”

With that, the lights dimmed and the story began.

* * *

**The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin! REMASTRED!**

**AN: This is the remastered version of my previous opening which I had to remove because it was getting too much negative criticism. You can find the old version on my DeviantArt BUT THIS ISNT ADVERTISING SO DON'T GO THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!**

Briar: I appreciate that you are emphasizing that we are not required to go if we don’t wish to.

Asahi: If this is the remastered version, I wonder how much worse the original had been.

**Hello! My name is Rebecca Swansin and I have butt-length Raven hair with golden streaks laden throughout it.**

Cherry: I dunno if you understand this, but ‘Laden’ doesn’t mean watcha think it does.

**My cousin's name is Bella Swan and I came here to Forks (where I live) in order to live with her and her her.**

Asahi: Are we to assume there are three Bellas?

Cherry: An you get a Bella, an you get a Bella, you all get Bellas!

**My friends called me moon in the original versino but they don't do that here because i realized that the moon isn't very pretty so there.**

Briar: I’m sorry?

Briar: What?

Cherry: Her name was originally Moon, but she changed it to Rebecca cause Moon aint a good name?

**Anyways I am a seventeen year old straite A student at Fucks high school in Washingtons.**

Cherry: Ah, yes. Fucks High School. Land of the wild parties. Sounds like a school I’d love ta go to.

**I only came to forks to get away from my abusive family who would lock myself outside in thunderstorms which is why i don't mind the rain here in forks so much unlike Bella that slut.**

Asahi: It’s nice to know you love your cousin.

**Bella's a bitch who thinks she's way prettier than she really is and totally used this guy called Edward for nothing but sex and she wears her hair in screwed up german ponytales and people think she looks ugly with them.**

Cherry: Well, Bella was pretty determined ta fuck him in the books, while Edward insisted on waitin’ till marriage.

Briar: A true gentleman.

**Now that you know about my we can talk about my day.**

Asahi: Yet we still barely know you.

**I get up from my bed when I wake up**

Cherry: As opposed to those of us who lay in bed for an extra hour after wakin.

**and then I get dressed so that ugly perverts like Billy Blake can't see my breasts.**

Briar: What have you against Billy?

Asahi: Oh, boy. I get the feeling that she’s a bit racist.

**I looked outside and thought that there was going to be a thunderstorm soon so I went without makeup and then just got into my usual school cloths because that's our uniform.**

Cherry: Forks aint a private school. They don’t have uniforms.

**It's sorta like a catholic girl uniform except we get to use pink and don't look like 90-year old peaches.**

Asahi: School uniforms make you look professional, they don’t make you look like old peaches.

Briar: The one school I went to, and yes, I went to a school, all the students wore a long, grey gown, regardless of gender.

Briar: I can promise that uniforms of this time period are a lot more fashionable.

**Then I made a poptart for breakfast which I did by using it on the microwave because bella broke our fucking toaster when she tried to electrocute the dog last month, that fucking bitch.**

Cherry: You gotta cement the fact that Bella is terrible.

Asahi: Clearly it’s the third Bella she’s living with. That one’s the psychopath.

**Anyways I had got to the bathroom when Bella wouldn't get out because she was so busy taking a dump that I didn't have any goddamn time to take my own.**

**"BELLA GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM I NEED TO USE IT" I screamed.**

**"NO YOU BITCH FUCK YOU" she screamed right back at me.**

Briar: At least let the girl finish using the toilet before you steal it.

**"Seriously? Don't cross me. I'll get Chardley on your ass" i told her while snapping my fingers like a sassy girl.**

Asahi: I don’t know why Charlie would take your side over his own daughters.

**"So what!? I hate him anyways!" she screamed again and again and at that point I gave up andleft the hose for school. I was fuerius so I was done with her drama and shit.**

Cherry: You literally started that drama by not letting her finish using the toilet.

**I kicked her fucking ugly truck on the way out because i'm an enviurmentalist and she took the muffler off that thing so FUCK IT.**

Briar: The truck is kind of ugly.

**As I walked to school I saw the mega fucking hawt guy Jacub across the street. Jacub and I were friends when I first got into Fucks and he goes to school at an indian restarant.**

Asahi: Huh. So Indian restaurants double as schools now. Good to know.

**Jacub wavved and I waved back to him. I was weery because ever since he became a werewolf he became a furry and wile I dont driscicate against that shit it doedn't mean that I'm not creeped out.**

Cherry: And no explanation for why you know bout werewolves.

Cherry: An more power to the furries. They’re pretty cool people for the most part.

Briar: What’s a furry?

Briar: Guys, what’s a furry???

**So I didn't cross the street. I wouldve driven my poursch but it got stolen so dammit.**

Asahi: Of course you drive a Porsche, and of course it got stolen.

Cherry: You drive a car! You’re a sham of an environmentalist! Shame!

**It was soooo Early when I got to school. I saw Edowerd this guy who I have this mega fucking crush on just stitting on his audi shitless.**

Briar: Well, I suppose it’s better than sitting there in a pile of shit.

Asahi: Objection to this whole thing.

Asahi: Edward doesn’t drive an Audi. The author forgot how much of a Volvo man he is.

**He didnt have abes but his skin sparkled in the sunlite because of this scret... Edward is a Vampire! He sparkles and shit and drink blood and the other cullins are vamps too but I keep their secret as does Bella.**

Cherry: And yet we’ve no knowledge of how you found out. Bella had hints an figured it out herself. You just know, apparently.

**Edward wasn't the only one there Rossey and Bennett were being preppy and doing homework in the car and Jaspor and Alicia were playing hopskitch and shit.**

Briar: Huh. These must be the extended family of the Cullens.

**Their parents are Clarlisle and Esme (WHO IS A MEGdA FUCKING BITCH!)**

Asahi: At least she got one name spelt right.

Cherry: We oughta give her a cookie!

**They waved at me. I waved back. Then I squealed inside because they payed attingtion to me!**

Cherry: I can’t tell if you hate the family, besides Edward, or if ya want to be part of it.

**The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin! REMASTRED CHAPTER 2!**

**AN: This is the remastered version of my previous chapter 2 which I had to remove because it was getting too much negative criticism. You can find the old version on my DeviantArt BUT THIS ISNT ADVERTISING SO DON'T GO THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!**

Asahi: Wait, is she going to do this for every chapter?

Briar: That will get old very fast.

**Chapter 2: Biolology Class**

Cherry: The infamous biology scene with Rebecca ‘nstead of Bella.

**The sun was heavily beating down on my beautiful eyes and I quickly took out my mirror to check myself. I had a lot of sweat on my heart-shaped chin and my wide forehead that didn't have a widow's peak had picked up a lot of sweat.**

Asahi: Well someone thinks highly of themselves.

**I had pale skin just like Edowerd and and my lips let me kiss people sexily and beautifully. But not slutilly I don't do that shit.**

Cherry: Somehow I don’t believe that.

**Anyways I quickly hopped over to where edowerd and capser were. I started to speak to them.**

Briar: Edowerd? Huh, I guess Edward had an emergency and that’s why his stand-in is here.

**"hey Edowerd" I sed**

**"hey Rebecca" he sed**

**"hor are you doing today edowerd!?" I asked inquisitively but not angrily. There is a difference you shits!**

Asahi: Yes, yell at your readers. Always a good tactic.

**"it's a good thing we are inside is all I shay speak" Edowerd!**

**"why is that!?" I was fearing a terrible surprise! Something could be bad, that's what scared Edowerd!?**

Briar: Why is she so aggressive right now?

Cherry: Why is she so dumb? She knows he’s a vampire.

**"because it is sooooooooooooooo sunny today sweetie" he say.**

Asahi: I’ve rarely heard ‘Sweetie’ used and it not being from a grandmother figure or being used sarcastically.

**I bluoshed! Edowerd had never ex[resied any sort of love towards another person before! But why!? "resurrect you love today girl" he say.**

**"prithee to love you if I dare relive" I say declaring love as I walked away from the two boys.**

Cherry: Did either of you make sense of that?

Briar: Not at all.

Asahi: Nope.

**Actually I am sure that caspor is a transsexual the sick fucker. [AN: Trans sheeple are just lying if u are a girl who wants to be a boy its only becuz u think u are speshial]**

Cheery: Big yikes.

Briar: I’m trying to be calm and polite here.

Briar: But fuck you.

**Because he is always doing feminine stuff with Alicia like shopping and trying out clothes and because he is doing some women suck dicks. Like what the actual fuc who does that.**

Asahi: Look. There’s this girl in my life. If she wants me to go shopping with her, wants to have me try on a clothes and such with her, I’d do it without question. Because I like being with her, and I’ll have fun no matter what so long as I’m with her and she’s happy.

Asahi: I’m sure that’s the case for most guys, too, when they have someone they love.

**Then I had to go to my biololgy class where our teacher was Mister Chocolove who is a doctor of biology at the college of Forks. Biololgy is my favorite class. That is because it gives me hope. Hope for experiements and hope for understating.**

Cherry: Look at her, tryin’ ta sound deep.

Asahi: I’m sorry *Snrt* Mister Chocolove sounds like the name a pornstar would have.

**Also Edowerd! He was there in the class the same one I was in! He sat all alone so I went over to him and he smiled at me. He must love me back then!**

Cherry: Cause smilin’ at someone means you love them!

Asahi: So make sure you always frown, that way people don’t get mixed signals.

**Then he sexually massaged my lower tigh when we wer ein class it was so fucing hot you wouldn't fucing believe it.**

**"oh yeah edowerd you are so sexy" I sed to him.**

**"I think I love you to let us exchange fluids later" he dropped the bomb.**

Briar: “Let us exchange fluids”, the sexiest way to say “let’s have sex’.

Cherry: You’re in class, for Pete’s sake!

**But!**

**Then bella came and then sat to the left of us. But not at our fucing table we wuldnt let that happen wtf reader u don't think I have fucking standards!?**

Asahi: I’ve been assuming you’ve had no standards at all.

**Bella the stupid fucking hobag was so stupid. She fucing tripped while in her chair and because of that I laughed my ass of and edowerd did too. Bella screamed at us because she is tormenting.**

Briar: Poor Bella. The true victim in this story.

Cherry: They just love kickin the dog here.

**"shut the fucking up you fucing bitches! I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU!" she screemed crying and giving us the finger [AN: the middle one!] because sittign back down. Then Alicia went over to bella and patted her on the back.**

Asahi: The way Rebecca and the author treats Bella is way out of proportion for what Bella has actually done.

Asahi: At least Alicia is there for her.

**"There there" Alicia massaged Bella. This is a lesbian action. "It's all going to be okay homie".**

Cherry: Hey, Bella can have a girlfriend, that’s fine. An Alicia seems to actually care for her, so that’s a plus.

**"I'm just so fucking sad and depressed and angry I hate life" bella said. What a Debbie downer. If I am boring then I ask someone to make me glad it is not a harsh concept.**

Briar: You’re a terrible person, there’s no going around that.

**"Mr Chocolove make Rebecca shut the fuck up" bella whinied like a mare in heat.**

**"what the fuck did she do to yall" Cohcolove asked! He had was anger wielded!**

**"Rebecca was being a shit!" cryied bella!**

**"What a fatass" I whisperd to edowerd.**

Asahi: For being the main character, Rebecca is quite the bully.

**He looked at me all dreamily and I blushed again and giggled. He was so into me! I would have to tell me friend Tanishashanqua about this later!**

Briar: I’m sorry…?

Briar: “Tanishashanqua”? Is that… just a fancy name?

Asahi: As far as I know, that’s just a jumble of letters.

**"Okay so today we are doing a surprise! Wild mothafuckers gonna see who da fuck is human today!" annunciated Chocolove!**

Cherry: One way to snuff out your aliens.

**"everybody take a blood test today and then submit the samples to me and then fuck the get out" just as Mister Chocolove finished Alicia ran the fuck out of the classroom with her gun.**

**"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE BITCH" she fucked and ran!**

Briar: Okay, I’ll admit. That was funny.

Cherry: Alicia has every right ta run since she’s a vampire.

**Alicia says that we are from black-society, that we didn't serve the devil if we didn't dance. She had wisdom. But why gun when you can just not gun!?**

Asahi: You can always knife instead of gun.

Briar: Or sword if you’re feeling brave.

Cherry: So true.

**"I'm so fucing alone" bella cried because nobody fucking likes that whoring slut.**

Briar: I, for one, like Bella.

Asahi: Honestly? Same.

**I looked over to edowerd dreamily again to get his attention but he had a very very worried look all over his face it was sort of disturbing.**

Cherry: For good reason, too!

**But would our love power us through this struggle!?**

**The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin! REMASTRED CHAPTER 3!**

**AN: This is the remastered version of my previous chapter 3 which I had to remove because it was getting too much negative criticism. You can find the old version on my DeviantArt BUT THIS ISNT ADVERTISING SO DON'T GO THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!**

Cherry: Good God, she really is doin’ this for every chapter!

**Chapter 3: Edowerd's escape**

Asahi: He finally escapes Rebecca and goes to comfort Bella, his one true love.

**I looked up at Edowerd and had a grim look on his face. I silently prayed to my god (Judah) and hoped that edowerd could exempt from the human test.**

Briar: I’m sorry? Judah?

Briar: I get it, our religions are different, so maybe I don’t know yours that well. But I didn’t think Judah was the name of a God?

Asahi: Judah is the fourth son of Jacob, there is also the Kingdom of Judah. But it’s also entirely possible she’s making a fictional God.

**After seeing his beautiful red eyes of warning, I understood his meaning. He was thinking, I don't want to take my test.**

Cherry: What high schooler wants to take a test?

**(That means that he wanted me to take the test for him you dumb shits.)**

**I also bombed a glance at him and then sexily took the needle from his hands!**

Briar: *Shudders*

Asahi: You okay?

Briar: Yeah. I just, ah, don’t like needles.

**"NOT!" he try!**

**"I INSIST!" I bellow!**

Cherry: With ya both yelling so loudly, Chocolove’s gonna hear. The whole class is gonna hear.

**I stick it into me, baring through the pain by thinking of bella and how much I hate that bitch. How many painful thoughts I went though- SHE RUINED MY LIFE!**

Asahi: How did she ruin your life?

Asahi: We’ve seen no example of her ruining your life, only you being a monster to her.

**Edowerd started to get off on the smell of blood but his friendship and maybe love for me kept him from biting me and slurping and sucking my neck, from giving me a good blood sucking and biting.**

**"owww" the entire class went as they took blood samples!**

Briar: Urgh…

Asahi: It’s really not that painful. A pinch and done.

**"oh yeah" Edowrod screamed thinking of all of the blood! "PRIZEEEEEEEEEE!"**

**"Edowerd you FUCKER" I screamed! No wait that doesn't sound as nice.**

Asahi: It’s not nice, at all.

**"Edowerd you IDIOT," I cried!**

Cherry: Still not that nice to call someone.

**He was being such a goddamn bitch! I was taking this test for him and yet he kept whining like a bitchy itchy bitch.**

**"Fuck you Rebecca you don't understand my pain!" he screeched at me and then got up and punched bella in the fucking face**

Briar: This story is making me want to pick Bella up and just take her away somewhere safe and sound.

Briar: I can’t stand seeing people treated like shit and abused like this.

**and then ran out of the classroom! She got back up becuse damn that broad can take a hit.**

Asahi: I can respect her resilience.

**"Stop motherfucker!" scream Mr. Chocolove who summoned a spirit lance to do battle with! "From out from the cells of life there came the water rush of DNA! This DNA made the heavens! There was a time when ardency prevailed and I work to resolve it!" He tried to slice Edowerd in half but Edowerd was so fast!**

Cherry: Is everyone in this school armed?

Asahi: By the looks of it. Yes.

**"What is ardency in relation to science you mad fool!?" Edowerd hissed!**

**"it is only after the permit of DNA that we can mold the earth! I FIGHT FOR THAT PERMIT!" CHOCOLOVE UNLEASH FINAL ATTACK!**

Briar: I’m impressed by how ridiculous this is.

**NOOO! I WAS SO SCRAYD I WAS ALMOST CRYING FOR EEDOWERD! But oh wait that's right he's a vampire. He's fine nevermind!**

Asahi: The fact that she claims to love him but also doesn’t care about his safety makes me so angry.

Asahi: If you love someone, you do everything you can to keep them safe!

**"tee hee" I giggled.**

Cherry: “Teehee! Look at me! I’m so important!”

**I knew I had to be the hero and spot this from becoming an atrocity the likes of which forks has never seen! It was best to the side with this than against it so I got up, punched bella in the face (slut)**

Briar: Seriously, what did Bella do to deserve this abuse?

**and then threw a rock at the fire alarm! Then it went off springly water all over us high schoolers like dad when we washed the car.**

**"OMFG" went the entire class. Cohoclove got the fuck out of the situashing and ran from the room and then the entire class ran too because FIRE!**

Asahi: You would have thought they’d have noticed that there wasn’t a fire. Just a crazy girl throwing a rock at a fire alarm.

Cherry: Where’d she get it from, anyway? She just keep rocks in her bag?

**After that I decided to go to lunch where I would meat up with the rest of the Collins for lunch. So den I got to lunch and the lunch lady gave me a fuckin Styrofoam [AN: polyphenylene] tray so I smacked that bitch for being an anti environmentalist terrorist!**

Asahi: Rebecca is very abusive.

Cherry: How’d she not get expelled?

**That will teach here! Then I got an apple to save trees but not their babies and went to go eat lunch with the Collins because I'm with the cool kids now. Except Edowerd who is missing.**

Briar: I’m surprised anyone wants to be around you. You’re rather… violently volatile.

**"where is edowerd!?" I said.**

**And so "hi not moon" they said.**

Cherry: Ah, that’s what they meant by moon.

**"where is edowerd!?" I said.**

**"Rebecca I don't thin kthat anyone knows where Edowerd after he ran away from biolology" answered Clemment. "The mood isn't good went losing" Bennett had to answer questions and then had answers.**

Briar: Clemment and Bennet, Emmett’s twin stand-ins.

**"you affect me, don't you" You and I looked over to where bella was sitting and saw that she was sitting alone in her study. "I don't understand my love but this isn't over."**

Asahi: The dialogue makes no sense. But every time Bella is mentioned it’s like seeing a cat sitting in the rain begging to go inside.

**"I saw you and away. Behind and through the front. I want you to repay the debit." His words eckoed symfonically. That was because all of bellas friends were fucking murdered last fall by a vampire named Angela the Vampric empress [AN: GO READ THE PREQUAL EXSEPT NOT THIS ISNT ADVERTISIGN!]**

Briar: Ah, the one human friend Bella had in the books who was genuinely good to her.

Briar: Who knew she’d turn out into a murdering psycho.

**who was once one of bella's fiends. I laughed so hard when I found out about it. Bella only live dbecause of chans.**

Cherry: You’re so awful.

**But back to the point we all didn't know where Edowerd was! Where the he could be!? HE COULD BE ANYWHERE!?**

Asahi: Probably hiding from you.

**AN: This is the remastered version of my previous chapter 4 which I had to remove because it was getting too much negative criticism. You can find the old version on my DeviantArt BUT THIS ISNT ADVERTISING SO DON'T GO THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!**

Briar: Look, you really don’t need to post this on every chapter.

**Chapter 4: THE DRUG DEELER!**

Cherry: Drugs are bad, kiddos.

**After lunch I went to my next class because I had to see if Edowerd would be there. His disappearance from lunch affected me greately. I had engrish class where I would have 2 go and study engrish!**

Asahi: I had to study English when I was in school. But I don’t think my English class was the same kind you had.

Cherry: “Was”?

Asahi: High school isn’t considered mandatory education. I didn’t legally need to go, so I didn’t.

**It was not my favorite class because it did not give me hope. We were reading V 4 Venessa.**

Cherry: Wait, are ya talking about ‘V for Vendetta’?

Cherry: That aint a book. It’s a movie an a comic!

**Its all about a masked person who goes around killing people who are in a contemplation camp. The people who are in the camp are either homo or black like Mr. Cohoclove [AN: but not TO black] or anti-govermental fucks or illegal Mexicans!**

Asahi: Just to cement the racism in there.

**I really don't like illegal Mexicans being all the way up north in fourks because they are illegal and shouldn't be coming here. Anyways V is this sociopath who edoweird identifies with because edowerd has also killed people in the paste.**

Briar: Killing people in paste is completely justified.

**Then edowerd came to class! He sat down next to me and then he looked at me!**

**"I'm sorry for what I said earlier" apologized that fucker edowerd. Thank god he did he was so wrong to do that. He was being such a fucking bitch It's a good thing that he apologized! Otherwise he would've had something bad coming to him like a lawsuit.**

Asahi: That’s not how love works, Rebecca. That’s just being a toxic person.

**"That's okay I was missing you anyways. your not a fucker anymore" I replied, swaying my beautiful hair back and forth. He was entranced I could tell because his eyes did that thing where they get all slitted and hungry looking.**

Cherry: Maybe he’s just a cat and wants to play with your hair.

**"Okay well let's promise to never fight again!" said edowerd and then I instantly knew that moment of that day of that month in the instant that edowrad would love me forever- IT HAD TO BE LOVE!**

Asahi: Stop defiling the word love.

**"Oh Edowerd" I cooped, "I know I am only fetid meat to you but you affect me in ways I could not imagine you studly bronco" and then we made out sexily in front of everybody in class**

Cherry: PDA, guys, PDA!

**Then bella that fat slut walked in. everything about her is slutty even her goddamn fucking bellybutton is a cow for boys to hump. Whore. I gave her the finger for being such a fucking moodbreaker and she couldn't even cry because she had ran out of tears. SERVES HER RIGHT FOR WHAT SHE DID TO ME!**

Asahi: _What did she do to you that justifies this abuse!?_

Briar: Okay, settle down kids. Let’s do a story time.

Briar: Growing up, there was this girl in my small town. She was my closest, dearest friend. Everyone in our town treated her worse than the pigs. Adults and children alike demeaned and abused her. Her crime against them? She existed.

Briar: What I did was that every time I caught wind she was being harassed, I came running in with a broom or whatever sturdy item I could find. If my charging at them didn’t chase them off, then I started fighting them.

Briar: Now mind you, it’s been maybe eight—it’s been a very long time since I’ve had to do it, Merelith has become a woman who commands respect and reverence whenever she enters a room. But, Rebecca is bringing those violently protective instincts back up in me.

Briar: To put it simply: Rebecca makes me want to come running at her with a sword for how she treats Bella.

Cherry: I’d love ta watch that.

**"Heartfire" Edowerd said pointing to what was missing in the room! Then I notised something! Alice wasn't there with us! I had to ask Jasmine (lick transsexual fucker) where she was!**

Briar: Oh boy. Another reason I want to impale her on a sword.

**"Hey tranny where is your gf" I asked very carefully**

**"She is doing a drug deal so that she can pay for college!" tranny jasper [AN: you fuockers called him jasmine even though he is just a confused man but whatever I'll play along with you hobags] said viciously!**

Cherry: Only a coward would use drugs to pay for college. If ya were brave, you’d wear the rat suit at Chuck-E-Cheese.

**"what the fuck bitch get off me, get off my case, what, YOU WANNA GO!?" I said defensively!**

Asahi: You insulted him and asked a question, he answered, and now you’re angry at him for it?

**I was like a motha bear protecting my cubs and shit! "what is she some sort of drugee!?" this was an act to establish dominance in the eyes of peers to let them kniow I don't take shit from no one [AN: Rebecac is kind of a role model she stands up for herself!]**

Briar: She’s not a role model. She’s an abusive bully.

**"No! No! She just sells the dope to fuckers who want to buy that kind of shit" jasmine jasper say and then cried! Serves him right I thought! Edowerd smiled at me so that means I was right all along.**

Cherry: She really is a jerk.

Asahi: The jerkiest jerk.

**Suddenly Alicia [AN: Alice changed her name illegally to Alicia to be tougher, and she identifies with this version of herself more because she is a hardened criminal now]**

Cherry: Just admit that it was a constant spellin error, ya coward!

**walked into the classroom and sat down next to me and Edowerd! I noticed that she had a GUN on her and I was soooo scared for a second there! Then I realized that she probably just used the gun to protect herself in the drug deals and for killing motherfuckers who try to betray her. I wondered if she had ever had to shoot somebody with it! I would be scared if she had!**

Briar: Huh. Alicia sounds like a tough, hardcore woman. I can respect that.

Asahi: I’m amazed the school let’s people carry guns around inside. Wait, no, I’m not really that surprised. This is Fucks high school, after all. Where no fucks are given.

**"Hey Alicia!?" I asked!**

**"Yeah Rebecca?" she REPLIED!**

Cherry: Gotta make sure those readers know she _replied_.

**"Have you ever had to shoot somebody with that gun you have there?"**

**"Yes I have, many times" Alicia reported**

**"Why!? ARE YOU GOING TO SHOOT ME WITH IT!?" I pleaded worriedly!**

Asahi: We can only hope she will.

**"No no of course not you silly dunce" SCREAMED ALICIA, WAVING THE FUCKING GUN AROUND! Hasper got up from his chair and then he grabbed the gun from Alicia's hand!**

Briar: So glad her boyfriend understands that you don’t wave a gun around in the air.

Cherry: I don’t get why she’s screamin’.

**"NO ALICIA, STOP, YOU CANT GO DOWN THIS PATH IN LIFE!" Caper pleaded! I pushed Edowerd and I under the desk from our chairs and tried to escape! Alicai stated to shoot the gun at the windows and the students she was fucking insane in the membrane! Mike Newton got hit with a bullet and then he fell from his chair dying!**

Asahi: I had assumed Angela had already killed him. But I guess not.

Asahi: Poor sap. Survived one crazy vampire only to be gunned down by another.

**Alicias also shot Bella who was trying to run like a fat cow! She fell to the ground crying over mike's dead limpid body. BELLA FELL INTO DARK.**

Cherry: Quit being so mean to Bella!

**"We must stop this discourse!" I protested to edowerd! We had to be heroes so we WOULD BE!**

**"Okay I have a plan! Listen!" Edowerd said!...**

Briar: Wait, Rebecca’s supposed to be the hero of the story? I was under the impression that this was the beginnings of a villain.

**Chapter 5: I - rezolushin 2 da gun**

**laest timne on da kronicals of rebecka swansen:**

**"alicia no stp u cant go down dis path in lyfe" caper pleeded. i pushd edowerid and i undor da desk frum hour chares and tryd 2 escaepe. alicai stated 2 shoot da gun at da windowz an studentz. mike newtun got hittd wit a bullett an den he fell frum his chare dieng. alicias aslo shot bella hu wuz crying ova mikes dead boddy. bella fell 2.**

Asahi: Just me or did the spelling get worse?

Cherry: Looks like it.

**now 4 da resolushin:**

**edoweird jumpped ovar 2 were alicia wuz and smaked da bitch. den da teachor wakled in and he wuz so confewzed az 2 wat wuz goign on.**

Briar: Rightfully so.

**alicia sow dat mr. cleerwater hade walked into da clasrum and alicia shot edowerd an den aymed da gunn at mr clearwatre.**

Cherry: Does the author know that Harry Clearwater aint a teacher?

Asahi: You’re assuming she cares.

**"no alicia dunt go down dis pathe it will onlee cawze u moer sorroe and payne" i screemed. "if u shoot mr cleerwatre naow den u will b stukc in a cycol of reveeng!"**

Briar: As repulsive as the spelling was, she has a fair point.

**i also screemed. i wuz bery very very concerednd abut da sitatshin. den alicia, da gurl wit da very brouwn haire toook her gunn and pointted it at da dieing bella an her dieing friend who had a lot of blud on da grund.**

**"illl fukcing kill u all u god dam mothre fuckorz!" scraemd alicis hu den shoted bella forteene timez in da neck.**

Asahi: What the Hell?

Briar: This story is making me want to, more and more, to go in there, cut Rebecca down, and save Bella. No one deserves this treatment.

**Edowird den jumpd behinde alica and slit her wristz wit his fingornaelz. alicia wuz in payne an dropepd da gun an den edawurd stabed alicia in da spiine wit a pensil tiems untli alicia drupped 2 da grund lipm. (butt it wuld b ok becuz alicia iz a vampiore and she wuld heel).**

Cherry: Seemed excessive. Ya coulda just wrenched the gun from her hand, didn’t need to go that far.

**den edowerd gaev da gun 2 mr cleerwater who tahnked him "thakn u" he thakned.**

**den i went 2 go an c if bella or myk were alyve. i rally hopped dat da biotch bella wuld b ded an dat myke wuz ded 2 sinz i h8 da 2 fockerz. den da pearamediks came and tuk bella 2 da hospitel**

Cherry: Thank God!

Asahi: Get the girl some medical treatment, ASAP!

**but myke wuz ded he had bene shooted waaaaay 2 meny tims. i wish dat bella had ded 2 but it wuz ok. so den i went ovar an saw dat cassie wuz also shot wich wuz sad 2 me becuz cassy iz a olde fiend fo minee. den da polise were dere an den dey handcofed alicia an tuk her 2 prizun 4 brining a gun 2 scool an den sellin drugs 2 otha studeent an den shooting da otha studentz.**

Briar: As they should.

Asahi: Any bets that Alicia will be breaking out of prison, or released?

**i weant 2 da batherum 2 du my maykup becuz i hade cryed becuz bella didnt dye. my yerlllowe and blaeck mascare-a had bene all moisturized**

Cherry: I’m cryin’ cause of what Bella’s goin’ through!

**"WWHAT DA FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK R U DONI U FOCKIN MOHTAFUCKORES!?" screemed sum1. me an edowird ran out of da stall naeked**

Briar: I’m sorry?

Briar: Are we missing a paragraph or two?

Asahi: As far as I know, this is exactly how it was posted.

Asahi: Not that it explains why Rebecca and Edowird are naked.

**an den we saw angella da vapmiore.**

**"oh no" i sed...**

Cherry: Oh, yes!

**CHATPER 6: DA ESCAEP**

**AN: i goit a message dat sed dat edowerd wuz not takling in an olde acsent enuf so i got my fiend 2 rite da diloge 4 me anshe did it in my stile. THNAKS _! SOOOOO MCUHH!**

Cherry: Oh, no…

**all of a sudeen angela wuz dere. angela wuz a vapmior hu had killeded erik an casy an naow she wuz here 2 kill me dammit.**

Asahi: We can only hope she will.

**i wuz luckee dat i wuz alown in da bathrum othawize sum1 elze culd b cot up betwene us 2.**

Cherry: At least she’s somewhat considerate.

**da bathroome wuz all dark and wuz onlee 19 bye 19 fete in total so dere wuznt a lot of room 2 b arund in.**

Asahi: Oddly enough, I can see you having taking a measuring stick to get those precise measurements.

**i decidede 2 go bak into da stall dat i ran out of becuz i didnt want da vampier angel 2 biet me. i stated 2 cri teers of pepsy down my eyez becyz i wuz so scraed! why culdnt dis shit happen 2 pepul liek bella!? bella wuznt liekd bye eny1 in my scool so why didnt angela cum 2 kill her!?**

Briar: Probably because she’s in the hospital after being shot.

Briar: Also, if by the end of this, Bella doesn’t get her revenge, I will be very upset.

Asahi: Agreed.

**"dammit" I sed. "i dunt even no how 2 escap. i fuckig h8 all of u bitchz." I said disgutedly, tinking of bella da mega supa hore mc slutz fayce. den angela stated 2 cum toiwards me an i felt very scarred.**

**"no no no no no no no" i sheeked worredlee az angels futstepz were heerng by me frum da insid of da stal.**

Asahi: The spelling makes my eyes hurt.

Briar: It’s bad, it’s very bad.

**"dunt kell me kill bella shez a horing slut an nobuddy lieks her plz kill her NO NOT ME U FUCKOR" i pleated.**

Cherry: Yellin at yer attacker and callin’ her a fucker aint gonna do you favors, toots.

**da steps were cawnstentlee getin cloesr so i went unda da stall 2 anathor stall. den angelaz fete wer follloweing me.**

Briar: She could probably see you crawling on the floor.

Briar: Also, why crawl on the bathroom floor? Those floors can’t be clean.

**"EDOWERD WERE DA FUOCK AREWE U U BITCH" I SCRAEMD AT DA TOPE OF MYU VIOCE! siuddenly i herd a BANG BANG BAGN goin on owtsyde da stal so i went owtsyde 2 investighat.**

Cherry: Dontcha watch horror movies?! _Never_ go out to investigate!

**owtside dere was no moer angela and den i felted happi becuz EDOWEIRD WAS DERE!**

**"EDOWERE YAY IM SO HAPPY 2 C U" I scraemed. edoword jsut smirced an den edowerd came.**

Asahi: Ew, think of the children.

**i huged him an den huged him and litly kissed him. mayb he hade wardedd angel offf frum me. i wuz so happy dat he had ben dere 2 protect me unliek when he wuz not dere 2 protect bella. u c bella iz suhc a biotch noew butt she wuznt alweyz 1 b4.**

Briar: Wait, are we getting a backstory for Bella and why she’s constantly being abused?

Asahi: You better have some good justification for how you’re treating her.

**when i 1st moved here 2 fourks bella and i wer bested fiends!**

Cherry: I’d say yer already her best fiend.

**bella wuz wit jacob, and he wuz a wearwolv. den 1 day bella wuz kidnaped bi jacubz fiend sath hu rapead bella.**

Cherry: Please tell me I just imagined what I read.

Asahi: I wish I could, but you read it right.

Cherry: Fuck!

**evor sins den shez bene notihng butt a mayjor bi-0tch and i cunt stand 2 b neer her. so den she died her hair bleack an stated 2 b an emo (dat stands 4 "emo"shina; pepul). 1 day when i saw her she wuz whering a black drezz wit metching pompadeur around it and a black letter peants, and black hi heal botts. noew she alwaz whers black lipstick nd bleck eyshadw jsut liek da horing slut dat se iz.**

Briar: Okay, let me get this straight.

Briar: Bella gets raped, and as a result of the traumatizing experience, she changes how she acts in what is most likely her attempt to cope with all the terrible things she is feeling now, and you don’t even try to be understanding but chalk her up to being a slut and a bitch?

Briar: I’ve never wanted to hurt someone as badly as I do now.

**but enywayz i wuz happy dat edoweird wuz dere 2 protekt me.**

Asahi: I’m not.

**"rebekka ist doth afowl" [AN: c is dat olde engrish 4 edowerd u fuckin trolls stop flaeming da storee or i will maek it sebenteen sentree engliosh ok!?] edowerd asked in hiz usul sicksteenthe senturee tone.**

Cherry: He doesn’t talk like that. Yeah, some of the things he says is a bit outdated, but he doesn’t talk like he’s walked outta some renaissance fair.

**hiz tone wuz so fuckin hawt an it maed my nippoles hard.**

Asahi: Ew.

Briar: That wasn’t exactly necessary information.

**"sure i am tanks 4 rescewing me" i huged edowird as i sed dis becuz i wus slowlee failing 4 him.**

Cherry: Apparently yer definition of ‘slowly’ is a bit wonky.

**den i baecked away becuz i sudenly remeebered dat my nippoles were supa haerd an dats niot gud 4 a boy hu ur not mareyd 2 to fell. [AN: premartitell sex is not alrigt u trollz dunt tell me dat i hav no moralz cuz i am a foirm belivor in jsesus christ hu roise 4 hour sins an den died 4 dem so no sexe b4 maridge k?]**

Asahi: How long do you think this ‘no premarital sex’ will last?

Briar: Either she’ll stick to her guns, or she’ll cave.

**"mi-ladee rebecka thou must not getteth intoeth soo muhceth trubleth so ofteneth" sed edowadr in a vearee careign tune.**

Briar: No one talkeths liketh thiseth.

**den hoilding hasnds we wetn 2 hour neckst class: histree clazz. az we left da batherum we went owt neer da archezz of hour scool. da archezz wear basedd on 2nd senturee rowmen arkitecshure. we went 2 hour next class in da shade cinse it wuz reigning 2 mouch and da sun wuz owt making a reignbow. Edowurd and i came owt into da reign and den danced in da sun baskeing it all in.**

Asahi: That last sentence is the only one in this whole paragraph that made a lick of sense.

Cherry: I think I made out some holdin hands and history class. But that’s it.

**"Doth water danceth lieketh it waseth commandethed to danceth" sung edoweird "yes, thine waotr, danceth waterrth danceth!" screamed edoweird.**

Briar: Demyx?

**we danecd in da grass an den fell down neckt 2 each otha. den i roled on tope of him.**

**"hay edoweird wanna sex" i asked**

Asahi: Wow, that was quicker than I expected.

**"no my-lady thou wouldsnt sexeth witheth ueth unlesseth thou dost firsteth marrieth thou an deneth thou wuldsnt noteth haveth 2eth beth singulareth vapmireth." segueded edoward.**

Briar: Every time Edward talks now, I want to down a vial of poison.

**"ok den" i sed sadly. i wish dat edowerd wuld sex me but hew uz an olde boi an olde boiz dunt do it b4 maridge.**

Briar: Also, that is very false.

Briar: Very, very false. It’s generally frowned upon if you’re very open about your sexual adventures, but, generally so long as you aren’t telling the entire village, not many people are going to care.

Briar: Of course there are exceptions. If you’re a royal, or a high classed noble, people might not like it if you’re sleeping around as it can reflect badly on the family name as a whole.

**AN: DATS I FRUM NOAW ON I DUNT WANT FUCKING TROLLING U ASSHOLEZ**

Asahi: You don’t get what you want here. Sorry.

**CAHPTOR 7: DA ENEMIZ**

**edowerd an i den got to hour historee clazz. mr. chocoluv aslo tawt dis clazz so i wuz gunna reely enjoi it.**

Cherry: Is he just the only teacher here at Fuck high school?

**edowierd an me sate down to da right of jacub blake**

Asahi: Except… he doesn’t go to your school? He isn’t a student at Forks high school.

Asahi: Ah, maybe he transferred to Fuck high school like everyone else.

**and his brotha samiel blake. da blake family wuz a veryy big famly dat wuz maed up entiorlee fo wherwoulvz. we sate 2 da right of dem.**

Cherry: An the author clearly not knowing jack bout the characters.

**"hi dere moon. how r u doin today" samiel aksed me. samiel was a rally big guy hu nevar whor a shirt 2 scool, alwayz displyaing his abes. if onlee edawird had abed 2.**

Briar: He must have forgotten the spraypaint that day.

**enywayz he wuyz a very tal man. I ushulee rally h8 furiez but i culd maek an ekseptshin dis tyme.**

Asahi: Knowing he’s a furry isn’t relevant, is it?

Asahi: Or does being a werewolf automatically make you a furry?

**samiel had a dark peech feca fo a emo boi wit str8 blaeck hare wit purpul streekz in it. he hade so much lipstiock dat i saw it dripp down hiz faece beyoutifully. and he wuz werign briught yelo lipstuick. he hda a supa hawt jawlein going on. he wuz aslo a foury tho an i dunt hang out wit dat shit so it wuz a big proible m. sameil liokd so fukcin sexay in his dezinor petns but not short cuz remeebr he dusnt were shoirtz 2 socol. hes abes were sooooooo judah danm fcuking sex tho.**

Cherry: From what yer describin, he doesn’t look _that_ good. At least not dress-wise. Yellow lipstick doesn’t seem like a good color.

**if it wuznt in publki an edoweird wuznt hear i wuld hav statred 2 mastorbeet fuoriusly. but i cant do dat cuz im a gurl so wtf u tinking reador.**

Asahi: I… think it would be best if we just ignore this one.

**den mr. chocoluv stated his leckchur.**

**"...rusha wil den leev de war. 1 factr is dat becuz of da losez pepul r demorelizd. pepul cant c wat dey wil gain frum dis. starvashin and laeck of materiol necsitees endd up pezentrizig pepul. de idividule rushin soljur culd fight vere wel in rusha, but de tope rankigg enerals and pole-itikole leedorship oltimitle wuz fail.**

Briar: What could have been an interesting history lesson ruined by atrocious spelling.

**dis puts de blam on nikolaz da 2 the zaarr of rusha, nd his wief alexsdra. (shees natzee by biorh, and wehn tinsg dunt go wel they assume she's a spy).**

Cherry: Yes, but actually no.

Cherry: Alexandra was born in Germany, but Nazi Germany didn’t exist yet durin’ World War 1, Nazi’s didn’t exist yet. But she was considered to be a possible spy, an her connection to Rasputin didn’t help.

Cherry: Ah, she was also Queen Victoria’s granddaughter, fun fact!

**dey go throo a whorebull weeknes in der fahmilee. da sun of nikolaz is a hepophiliac.**

Asahi: Wasn’t Alexandra also hemophiliac?

Cherry: I think so.

**datz sum1 hu wantz 2 do i with a hipo kidz.."**

Asahi: Ah… no…

Asahi: It’s a genetic disorder which makes it hard for your blood to clot when you bleed.

**mr chocoluvs leckchur went on but al i wated 2 do wuz waetch samiel shaft his musuols 4 me.**

Briar: Uh, okay? At least you know your priorities.

**enywayz den class wuz ovar but edoweird had 2 go 2 gim but i didnt so i decideded 2 taek a walk in da wouds behidn da scool.**

Cherry: As one does when they don’t got clas.

**back in da back of da wuds i decidedd 2 wakl were i fiorst met jakub an hiz paeck of furrieds. i fund a cleering an den i went 2 it. inside dere i got loenlee fast. sudenlee all fo da leevs fell frum da treez. den three vampiors ended up cuming owt of no were.**

Briar: Random.

Asahi: Is it Jame’s group?

**da first vampoir was a realy tall 1. she had a blacjk lethor shirt dat hade huuuuuuuuuuuuge cleevige and her teene littol jeen scirt wuz so smal dat u culd see her vajayjay. she had lotz fo emo maekup on an she aslo hade complotely browen teth. 2 da rioght of her wuz a rally tall man hu had a leethor bikor jaket on an had leethor blac jeenz. he had a evol gotee an a lotz fo blak hare. den dere wuz also a gai 2 da rioght of him.**

Cherry: The guy on the right doesn’t matter enough to get a description.

**i luked at dem all angrilee.**

**"WHA TDA FIUCK R U FUICKORZ LOOKING AT U MOTHAFUCKIERS!?" i asdek.**

**"biotch plez wull fuck u up" sed da guy on da righjt.**

Briar: I would pay thirty gold marks to see that.

**"no u wont, [AN: c how iz dat 4 punchuashin]**

Asahi: Ah, so the one proper punctuation mark in the entire chapter. Nothing to brag about.

**brign it on!" i screamd. i fuond a rock on da grund and pikced it up an den throo it at da guy on da rioght. it hit him. i wuz happy. he ded at den. i new becuz his blud wuz liek a fownten, spewwing, all ovar da place.**

Cherry: I thought he was a vampire?

Asahi: You’re expecting this to make sense.

**"u fokerz do u all wanna dead 2" i aksed dem. dey didnt want 2 dye. i pikked up anothor rock and treatend dem. "u all wanna dye 2!?" i scraemed.**

**"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" dey sccreamed as dey ran.**

Briar: …That was just sad.

Asahi: I’m sorry but no vampire would cry in fear of a human with a rock.

**i new i had 2 get bak 2 edoweird an tell him wat hapeened. i ran az fast az i culd, huryeing.**

**AN: FRUM NOE ON IM GUNNA POST ALL STUPID INBOX MESSAGEAS IN DA STOREE AT DA BOTTOM U JERKZZZZZZZ TAKE DAT!**

Cherry: Oooh, we get to see some tea.

**[potsed by krazeekook]**

**Im not saying you don't have rights to the internet, im saying that you should use correct English, grammar and real words...**

Asahi: Very true.

**Trolling is something you put up on purpose (a REAL bad story- no grammar, spelling etc. - like yours)just to get bad reviews and flames.  
Im not saying a few mistakes is wrong- check my stories i have quite a few- but yours is just unreadable.  
do us all a favour and take it down...**

Cherry: Sad to say, she didn’t take that advice.

**u foukor sotp flaming my storee!11**

Briar: No one will stop.

**Chapter 8: I - lockor rum**

**AN: finaly i goit 1 positiv reviow tank u!1 nywayz reviow da store plz!**

Asahi: Eight chapters in and 1 good review. That’s impressive.

**i wuz runnnin at me ful potenshil.**

Briar: She was running at herself, full of potential?

**my purpul raven hare wit gowld streekz wuz flowign in da wend as i rann.**

Cherry: I’m sorry, hold it, hold it.

Cherry: Your hair’s _purple_ now?

**i jumpped ovar 91 rocks on my waey bak. den i saw my scol. den i weant down da mudslyde near da scool and wuz mudy. den i went 2 go and fend edowurd.**

Asahi: Completely unnecessary. Also, who builds a school next to a mudslide zone?

**i ran down da halwayz 2 soshal studyz class [AN: DIS IZ DIFFORENT FRUM HISTUREE U FOUKERZ]**

Asahi: Yes… but actually no…?

Asahi: History is a part of Social Studies…?

**and on da way i saw bella hu had goten owt of da hospitel.**

Cherry: Ah, wish I could go into ta hospital for a few dozen gunshots an’ be out before schools over.

**bella wuz brayden her newlee died hare. her hare wuz noew blaund wit rossey red hiliets an she wuz braden it in a getto gurl fashin. she wuz talkin 2 tanishashanqua mr. chocoluvs dawter.**

Briar: Tanishashanqua is… just a mouthful of a name.

**"yo homie" tanishashankwa sed 2 me az i ran paste her.**

**"hi dere tanishashunqau" i reetourted. "do u no were pwedowerd iz?" i aksed.**

**"no u mothafuoker i dunt wat u tink all blaeck pepul no were wite pepul r at u fuikcin raysist" she sed hapilee. i aslo grined hartily an den cuntinewed.**

Asahi: Well, the jury is still out on if she’s racist or not.

**"so were iz he"**

**"try da lockor rum rebecka" she sed as she tuk a poptard outa her lockor. i den rased down da hallz an den came 2 da boiz lockor rum. i gapsed az i reelizd dat i was not a man.**

Briar: Ah, the struggles of not being able to change at will.

**den i saw samiel goin in 2 da lockor rum so i went into it behind him. i snuk frum behind him and den jupmed outa da way onlee 4 his towell 2 driop.**

Asahi: Oh. Joy.

**"O**

**M**

**F**

**G"**

**I frewaked owt! i saw samiels thingy and it wuz all flopign arund an shit so i qikly kiked dat shit outa my feace an den puched sameul in da nut u8 9 timez. he fel ovar frum da shok of da atak.**

Cherry: What the Hell? Ya snuck in behind him and then attack him for bein’ naked in the boy’s locker room?

**den edoweird came alogn wit a croud of men all of dem nakd.**

**"" i scramed "U FOUKIN PEADOFILEZ STIOP TYING 2 RAEP ME" i scremed.**

**"sorrrrryyyyy" dey al scramed tring 2 escaep justiss.**

Asahi: Justice would be kicking her out of the locker room.

**I qikclee begin 2 cry in ordur 2 get edoweirdz atenshin. den edowerd came frum da croud an den we huged. so den i wuz with edoweird an we happilee huged eech otha agin.**

**"edoiwrd i hav sumting 2 tell u" i sed/**

**"wats doesth thoust wanteth" erdowerd askied.**

Briar: Ah, my ears are bleeding now.

**"edoweird sum weerd vapmirez atakd me" i ansord. "i kiled 1 of dem but da otha 2 got away" i began 2 cry becuz it wuz suhc a tramatic memoree 4 me.**

Cherry: Is it? Ya haven’t made it seem that way.

**den i relized dat i had 2 be braev in frunt fo edowird so i smaked my innorself an todl her 2 stiop benig suhc a whinee bi0tch and 2 get ovar it.**

Briar: That’s not how trauma works.

**so den i cuntitud 2 hug edowuird.**

**"ist doth alrtighteth rebeceth?" edowerd pleed**

**"i gess but edowird wat i sed its a bgi deel" i begin 2 cry agen. edowurd huged me colse but den i fely sumting stranj. i notised dat EDOWIRD HAD DIS FUOCKINHG HUEG 13 INHC BOWNER wile hugin me.**

Asahi: Hug kink. Interesting.

**i qicklee piushd him of off me an den cut him wit my anti raep nife. i wuz so eckstreme becuz i dunt taek dat shit frum no1 not even ny boifiend.**

Cherry: I guess she doesn’t have a boyfriend anymore.

Cherry: No man ought to stay with a girl who cuts him with a knife.

**"AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!" edowird scramed as al of da boyz in da lokorum stated 2 run. relizin wat i had dun i ran frum da locor rum 2 find tanisjashanqa an get sum advioce frum her.**

Briar: At least she realizes she messed up.

**_Go on then and show how immature you are._ **

**-Krazykook**

**NO U FUOKCIN BIOTCH U SOTP FLAMING DA STOREE U HERE**

Asahi: Whoever Krazykook is, I like them.

**Chapter 9: I - soshal studys clas**

**i ran douwn da hallz 2 find tanishashanqua agin. maybe she wuld hav an ide-uh az 2 wat i shuld do noew dat i wuz bein hunetd by pedofilez.**

Cherry: Except they aint pedos? They’re yer classmates? An they aint hunting you, you barged into their locker room and blamed them for you seeing ‘em naked.

**i qickly chugged da anti-raep nife behidn me an kept giong down da hallz. tanishashanways lockor wuz numba 88. i qicklee ran down da hal nevor lokign bak behind me. my purpul raven hare wit gowld streekz wuznt flowign in da wend as i ran**

Briar: Déjà vu. 

**but i loked hawt in my secksy owtfit enywayz. as i ran i lost a blaek combat but dat i had but i kept going enywayz becuz i hade a misshin 2 do.**

Cherry: How do ya lose a combat boot? It’s not a slipper.

**i finaly reeched tanishashanqwua an den apoached her.**

**"tanishashanqwua help me" i scearmed at her as i crashhed in 2 her lockor and noked ovar bella hu wuz geting her hare baded.**

Asahi: And the abuse continues.

**"hey its my homie moon! wat is it yo" she sed**

**"tanishashanqa hlep me qick im beign chassed by rapistz an i dunt no wat 2 do" i den qiucklee atemptd 2 explen da sitashin 2 her. "i walked into da boiz lockor rum liek u sed 2 an den a boi tried 2 flash at me. so den i kiced hiz dick and punchd hiz nutz ovar 9 timez"**

Cherry: He didn’t try to flash you. He was probably gettin’ changed and you assaulted him.

Asahi: If anything, you can get charged for sexual harassment by invading the men’s locker room.

**i paintd 4 beath as i continyud on. "so den hiz fiends came 2 try an raep me and den edoweird came and huged me."**

**"so homie watz da problem yo" tanishashanqua asced.**

**"wel edoweird got a bonor so i stabed him wit my anti raep nife an den ran"**

**"so den just aplogise 2 him"**

**"o dats a graet ideuh! im gona go an do dat rite now" i sed as i ran of 2 find edowurd. den i fund him an we made up.**

Asahi: This is actually painful to read.

Cherry: I hear ya.

Cherry: No one makes up that easily.

**aftor dat litel insident edowurd and i wernt 2 soshal studees clas. dere we wuld resiht pootry an den leran.**

**"i h8 emoshinns becuz dey maek me emoshinol" sed bella huz turn wus noew.**

**"im trying 2 do my hoemwurk but i cant sotp cryig. i cant consentate help. help. noew my papor iz al soked but idc im goig 2 turn it in liek dat so dat my techor nos my pein" bella resited/ we al apladed becuz dat wuz reel pein bella wuz goign thru.**

Briar: Acknowledgement that Bella is suffering. Good.

Asahi: I feel so bad for her.

**even tho i h8 dat bitch i culd simpatize [AN: STPO SEYING DAT REBECKA IZ A MARY SUIE SHE IZ NOTTTT!] becuz i am a complecks purson hu haz meny layors.**

Cherry: I find that hard to believe.

**2 sho my layors i decidd 2 shair my poum with da clas.**

**"let me tel a tail**

**o listen 2 me wale**

**abut how muhc my live rockz**

**i am 1 of dose**

**awsum and cool peeps**

**hu weres awsum cloesths**

**sumtimez i lisen 2 me wine**

**sumtimez i lisen 2 me dred**

**but i am luking up**

**cuz my life is geting up**

**am i jsut paranode**

**liek i sound!?"**

**den i sat bak down as da clas appladed me 2.**

Cherry: That poem is terrible.

Cherry: Absolutely terrible.

**edowirdz poum wuz up neckst**

**"hark here doth angles sing**

**glorey 2 da newborneth king**

Asahi: Isn’t that a song?

**thou live is pale compareth 2 his licing**

**and thine will doth thou saving"**

**edowerdz poum spoke 2 my hart becuz not onlee wuz it diliverd wit his SECKSY sickstene sentry acsent and britshnes maed me so hornee. i jsut wanted 2 FUICK HIM DERE AN DEN!**

Asahi: How dare you objectify him! What are you, a pig?

Cherry: How the turntables have turned.

Briar: …What…?

**but i didnt sins dis wuz scool an secksual relashins shuld wate untill aftor maridge.**

**an den class wuz ovar.**

Briar: Just like that, class is over.

**"so edowird wat r we guna do noew dat scool is ovar 2day?" i asked him**

**"alicia doth ineth a jaileth celleth. thine alabastor shining sayseth thateth we must go adn resceweth her frumeth da jaileth" edowird sed in his normal sikstene sentury acsent. den i new wat we were guna do 4 da rest of da weke- WE R GUNA RESCEW ALICIA FRUM PRISUN!**

Asahi: You don’t just… break someone out of prison like it’s nothing?

Asahi: But that’s exactly what they’re going to do…

**AN: so ya were getingg in2 da fiorst stoery arc theyr guna go an try 2 rescew alicia frum jael so stey tunned ok**

Cherry: Not like we got a choice here!

**"Look I pride my self on being a nice person and never flaming expecialy about grammer and spelling but oh my god you could really try using spell check or something and then try devoloping a plot and using less cuss words and text languge cause that's just making it seem bad and i'm not trying to be mean i'm trying to help you so that you can wright better because my first story was porrly wrighten but then i deleted it because i realised my mistakes you should to"**

**-kuryn426**

Asahi: She/he is trying to be nice about this, I commend them for it, the author doesn’t deserve niceties.

**OMFG u fukour screw u u jsut dunt no a gud ficshin when u c it**

Briar: And then we got the author being terrible in return.

**Chapter 10: I - Rebecca vs Chadley**

Cherry: I forget, who’s Chadley?

Asahi: I honestly don’t know. If they were mentioned, I forgot.

**edowurd and i stoped at my hose 2 get da jale keyz frum chadley.**

Cherry: Ooooh! _Charlie_!

**i went to da hose an saw bellas fouckin uglee truck owtsid da hose. i fuckin kicked that shi 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 timez b4 my fut brook.**

Briar: Well, now you can’t rescue Alicia, because you broke your foot.

Asahi: In her defense, the truck is very ugly.

**den edoweird sed**

**"doth shuldeth leaveth thine vehicol aloneth"**

**i wuz instatly assored. den i relized a problem.**

**"wate edowurd wat if chadly is dere" i sed.**

Cherry: Then ya can get arrested!

**as i sed it my raben hare wuz floing in da wind and da streekz were swahing in frunt of my faece an den a singol teer drop fel frum my eyes 2 sigify my gowing saddnes.**

Briar: That was… unnecessarily dramatic.

**my feace wuz becumn moystorized agin so so i qickly wipd away da teer. "i just meen wat if he is dere. dat culd be bad 4 us in al sortz of wayz. wat if he catchez u tryign 2 steel his kees. den wat edoweird!? i cant livbe withut u u FOUKING MOTHASUKOR SOTP TRYIGN 2 BRAEK UP WIT ME" i wuz screeming noew becuz dis wuz a seris situashin.**

**edowyrd jsut loked at me al blankeley**

Asahi: A valid response.

Cherry: How’d this escalate from Charlie potentially arrestin’ ya to Edward breakin’ up with ya?

**"rebecca, thine fahter musteth haveth thine keeseth!" he ecloaimed. "alleth weeth must doeth is sipleth steeleth thine fathers keeseth" he cuclooded**

Briar: You mean uncle?

**. i wuz instatly amazed. pwedowurd had cum up wit a reely gud plan! al we had 2 do was steel da kees frum my fathor. howevar da problem wuz dat my fathor is a very seckyoure individal and he wuldnt jsut haend ovar his kees dat eesily.**

Briar: Is she now Bella’s sister? Or is she still a cousin?

**"i no wat i must do edowerd" i sed. i new wat i had 2 do. 2 get alicia owt of jale i wuld taek my fathorz kees by fors.**

Asahi: Oh, boy. Is it Charlie’s turn for abuse?

**i went insied da hose. dere wuz nobuddy in da libing rum. da livingrum had a blud-red finihs and fishnetts hangign frum da ceeling. da wals had cristal bloe fish pattorn 2 it.**

Cherry: Someone loves his fish.

**suoddenlee chadly steped owt frum da dore. i new wat i had 2 do.**

**"chadley give me da kees or i wil fuockign kill u" i sed. 2 showe i wuz seris i tuk owt my anti-raep nife frum b4**

Briar: Murdering your uncle for a set a keys is… extreme.

**[AN: C U FLAMIGN FOUCKORZ SOTP FLAMING DA STOREE C HOW I USE CHEKOVZ GUN HEER HA] chadley loked very woreyd. he luked bak an 4th betwen me an my nife. finalaly he tuk owt his gun and aymed it at me.**

**"rebecca u dum biotch i hav a gun u heer me. i am abut 2 displin u becuz u r actin owt"**

Asahi: This can’t end well.

Briar: No, it can’t.

**. i didn't lisen 2 him an i chagred. i qikly ogot 2 him an smaked dat whinee biotch acroz da FAYCE an den stated 2 stab his gut. chadley didnt liek dis tho so he shiot me in my ar tims. howevar my detorminashin 2 suksede made me go on an swipe dat basturdz nose in haf.**

Cherry: _All this fir a few keys!_

Asahi: *Snrk* ‘Fir’? You’re speaking like her spelling, now.

Cherry: Ah, screw you.

**"HA U FOUKER U SHOT MY LEFT ARM NOT MY RITE" i sed! it wuz gud dat he shot the otha arm cuz dis arm had da nife in it. den i puched him in hiz nutz an den stabed him in his belly buto tims. somoeting told me dat it hurt him tho becuz he steped baeck in pane an scramed liek a womin.**

Briar: He’s been smacked in the face, stabbed in the gut, punched in the crotch, got his nose cut off, and then stabbed in the stomach again. I’d hope he’s feeling pain.

Asahi: Look, he’s Bella’s father. If she could survive fourteen bullets, then I’m sure Charlie can shrug these kinds of injuries off.

**den he wuz onestlee afraid of me.**

**"no rebeka stop dunt taek dis path in live it will onlee lede u into darknes" he pleted.**

Cherry: Yer assumin’ she’s not already Satan.

**den i tuk his gun frum his sins he wuz on da grund dying frum his woonds. den i tuk his neck and snaped it. den i shovd da nife doun his throwt. i wuz happy becuz da batol wuz ovar.**

Briar: So… who’s paying the bills for your house? Who’s buying the groceries? Who’s your legal guardian now that you murdered him?

Asahi: You’re assuming the author cares about any of that.

**den i got da kees frum his pocket an ran bak owtsied. edowurd wuz dere. den i came.**

**"EDOWYURD" i sed "I GOT DA KEES 4 U" i also sed.**

**"thine eforts haveth noteth goneth ineth vayneth" he sed. "thine alabastor teers telleth meeth dat thine haseth puteth fortheth a gratuitous amowneth ofeth efforteth"**

Briar: I can barely make sense of this.

**den we went 2 go an reskew alicia da drug deelor frum jale.**

Cherry: She’ll be _fiiiine_! The badass bitch is probs already runnin the place from the inside.

**"Everytime i see a new chapter...i skip through your actual story just to see if you have made a comment about me...they amuse me!**

**Well atleast it gives this piece of c**p views and reviews...**

Asahi: I don’t really blame him or her. I’d have probably done the same.

**Be honest with me...Is that how you actually write, like in school (if you arn't to stupid to go to school)...**

**what the hell is a kind of name like 'Tanishashankwa'?**

Cherry: That’s what we been wonderin’!

Briar: It’s almost as bizarre a name as X Æ A-12. **  
You get some real bad names, but that just takes the biscuit...**

**Im suprised youve actually carried on with this story...**

**it sucks..."**

**-krazykook**

Asahi: I will admit that she’s pretty determined if she’s managed to complete the entire story. I’ll give her props for that.

Cherry: You’re right, it is impressive.

**AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH u fuckour fuckign fuckor SOTP FLAMING MY STOREY GOD FUCKIONG DAMMIT STOP FLAMING IT IT NOT NISE!**

Briar: _You’re_ not particularly nice, either.

**chpater 11 da resolushin 2 story arc 1**

Asahi: Ah, almost done?

Cherry: With this arc… how many arcs are there?

Asahi: Probably too many.

**so den we got 2 da jale were alicia wuz bein kept. edowird had da kees da i hav given him. 2 bad chadly had 2 di 4 him 2 get da kees.**

Briar: He didn’t _have_ to die, you’re just a murderous psychopath.

**i am pety sad dat chadly is ded but da stupit idiod hade it cumin 2 him.**

Asahi: …No, he didn’t?

**enywayz edoweird and i went 2 da jale 2 go and get alicia. we were gunna unloick da jale cel by using da kees on it. i had some complicashins wit dis but i new it had 2 b dun so i went ahed enywayz. i put da kees in da locke an den turend da lok.**

Cherry: What kinda complications could ya have with just unlocking a cell?

Cherry: _And where are all the other cops?!_

**alicia wuz bein a biotch and she keprt screeming at me dat she wuz gunna put a cape in my as if i dindt get her owt.**

Asahi: Honestly, Alicia is the only one here I actually like so far.

Cherry: Word.

Briar: Besides Bella? Agreed.

**so i did.**

**"tanks moon 4 hepling me bi geting me owt" alicia sed.**

Briar: It’s amusing that she supposedly isn’t called moon anymore, yet TwilightRova couldn’t be bothered to edit out the ‘Moon’ lines.

Asahi: I still don’t understand why she was called ‘Moon’ at all.

**alicia wuz lokeing beyutiful unda da pail monelite moon [AN: c dat iz a refornce 2 a movee i saw a loung tyime ago]**

Cherry: A very… vague reference. That could apply to half the movies I’ve seen!

**. edowerd den apeered behide me an he litely kized me. he new dat if he got a bonur agin dat i wuld stab him wiht my anti-raep nife.**

Briar: She’s not a good girlfriend.

Asahi: She’s not a good person, period.

**"i luv u and i wuld nevre hurt u edoweird" i sed.**

Cherry: Except ya already stabbed him.

**xcept if he did sumtihng dat i rally did not liek den i wuld nife dat cheeting basturd until he dide.**

Briar: I don’t understand why he’s with her.

Asahi: Because he loves her, if you love someone you’ll stay with them. But I can’t figure out why on Earth he loves her.

**"doth complimenteth be eth niceth tahnk u eth" sed edowurd. den i went hime and begun 4 da neckst dayu of lide in foukrs.**

Cherry: Wait… eleven chapters for just one, _one_ day?

Cherry: Damn! I’ve never had a day that eventful!

Briar: I mean, I’ve had eventful days, but never on this level.

Asahi: Briar, I don’t think there are many people who actually have a day like this.

**AN: dis is da end fo da 1st stiory arc plez stay tuined 4 da neckst won. i am aslo getinhg an editor he will hlep da story byu editing it.**

Cherry: Clearly your editor wasn’t helping you that much.

Asahi: Her editor probably wanted to help, but every suggestion got called a flame and ignored. So he probably gave up and left.

**_Dude... What the hell are you on? Did you drink some beer or something, because it looks like you tried to write it while bring drunk._ **

Briar: That’s an insult to drunks. I’ve seen men so drunk they can’t even walk waxing better poetry than this.

**_I hope this isn't how you write like this in real life. Man, I would be scared if you really did._ **

**_-RyuuRanger_ **

Asahi: I second that feeling. If she actually writes like this, I’m scared.

**AN: u fuckour wat da hell i tell u trollz to STAY AWAI FRUM MY STOREES Y WONT U ALL JSUT GO AWAI DA STOREE IZ GOOD U CLUISTERFUOCKS**

Cherry: This story is absolutely awful.

Cherry: An yer not really giving them any reason to think otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Cherry's dialogue is simultaneously the most fun out of the three and the most difficult.


	3. Story Two: Fucks High; School For Furries And Drug Lords (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we dive into Act 2 of the "Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin", where we have a virus, more people being wrongfully murdered, and Bella being beaten for no reason.

**AN: So Ive been tiping more offten now so my speeling wuld be better liek you all sed. SEE I CAN TAKE CRITISISM WEHN I TINK IST RIGHT**

Asahi: The only problem is that you pick and choose what criticism is valid

Cherry: I just hope ya keep your word about the spellin’ improvement.

**Editor's note: No. Fuck it. I can't do this.**

Briar: Completely valid.

Briar: Questionable as to why she would upload this with that note attached.

**I QUIT. I FUCKING QUIT. AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT? I WIN BECAUSE I HELD UP ROVA FOR TWO YEARS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!**

Asahi: And there is the validation that this was a troll story all along.

**Fuck it I can't even edit this chapter someone else go do it for Rova because I cant' even at this point**

Briar: Again, completely valid.

**CHAPTER 12: A NEW DAYU**

Cherry: Some more sufferin’.

**Today was a nice day in Forks as I got up from my bed. Just like other houms, my home had a bedroom, where I was.**

Asahi: I would assume a house that people live in has a bedroom.

Cherry: Unless it’s a Sims house, then ya can make it without a bedroom.

**That stupid slut Bella had been sleping in this room before I moved into it, and becaus of that I now lived ni the bedroom.**

Asahi: Did you not live in a bedroom before? Were you just couch crashing?

**Bella dat stupid slut now lived in the shack in the backyard of the house.**

Briar: Honestly, why does she hate Bella so much?

Asahi: Right now I’m more concerned over the fact that two teenagers are living in a house despite the owner being dead.

Asahi: Correction, one teenager is living in the house, the other is living in a shack on the property.

Cherry: Even worse!

**She had all of her prostitushin rackets set up back there. Stupid jocks line up every night in order to tape her ass.**

Briar: Look, prostitution is a perfectly normal occupation and should be treated with the same kind of respect as any other working job.

Briar: The problem isn’t the sex workers, it’s the ones who abuse them and take advantage of them.

Cherry: Got experience with it?

Briar: Brothels and sex workers are fairly common where I’m from, or rather, about as common as it is for you guys. We’re just more… open and accepting of them?

Briar: The rules are also very strict there. I got to bear witness a Duke getting kicked out of one of them because he was being incredibly disrespectful and belligerent.

**But thats enough of Bella lets go back to focusing on me.**

Asahi: But I want to keep talking about Bella.

**I woke up agin this morning an then I went downstairs. I realized I was nude but chadley no longer lived here sins I killed him.**

Briar: And I am still very upset over you killing him. For a key of all things.

**he had died and i attended his fuenerel. I was very sad at his funeral and Bella was very emo she slit her wrists at least fourteen times. I think that she lost about 12 gallons of blood when she was doing that.**

Asahi: One; I don’t get why _you’re_ sad about it. You murdered him. Two; _Of course_ Bella is going to be sad. You murdered her _dad_!

Cherry: An that is _way more_ blood than the human bodies has! Humans only got 1.5 gallons on average!

**All of the bloid had spilled into chadley's coffin and it created a beautiful scene of blood. I love blood and all of the Collins love blood as well.**

**Maybe dat is because the Collins are vampires.**

Briar: Oh, my! They like blood because they’re vampires? Who would have come to such an obvious and blatant conclusion!

**Vampires, you see, like to drink the blood of humans. Animals blood will not cut it for vampires they will always have that sense of bloodliust.**

Asahi: Except, the Cullen’s have been doing pretty well these last hundred years or so of being vegetarians and only feeding off of animal blood.

Cherry: She’s probs gonna change it. Take away their vegetarianism.

**Anyways I wke up and then wanted to go to school again. I couldnt wait to get up and go to school because today we were nominating people for class presidwnt, which is a very prestigious role to fill.**

Briar: And of course you’re going to be the class president.

Asahi: Is there even any doubt?

**Last year Angel a was the class president but then she became a vampire and killed all of bella's friends. i slmost fel bad for bella but she was a major fuicking bitch before that happened and now shes better so I kind of like angela for doing that I guess.**

Asahi: Justice for Bella 2020!

**Anywas I got to the parking lot**

Briar: Did you walk? Did your stolen care miraculously return?

**and found edowred talking to his sister Alicia and his weirdo friend jaspor who was just parking his awdi.**

Cherry: By “Weirdo friend” I assume ya mean “Clanmate/Adopted Brother/Brother-in-law”.

**"Hi edowerd hoes it going" I asked woundering hiw his day was going**

**"doth far it havth bineth so goodeth" he retoted**

Briar: Gah!

Briar: I almost forgot how awful his dialogue is.

**I loked over at jaspor from where I was standing and talking to edowerd and Alicia. there he was all alone. Jasper had a ver tan feca for an transsecual. He was holding briught purpler maskara and he has white feac paint on.**

Cherry: Can ya not with the transphobia and terrible makeup today?

Briar: More importantly; how is Alicia so easily integrating back in school when she is now a fugitive on the run from the law for breaking out of jail? The _local_ jail at that.

**He was listenin to his androwd phone becuz hes a loser and doesn't use appel phones like evrybody else does.**

Asahi: Alright, I’m going to lay some facts down, and this is not entirely because I use an Android.

Asahi: As of April of 2020, the mobile operating systems worldwide market share put Android at 70% while IOS was at 28%, with the other phones such as Samsung making up the remaining percentage. That’s a 42% difference in favor of Android.

Asahi: Another study put Android at 74% for market shares, while the iPhone only made up 22%.

Asahi: Some countries use the iPhone more, but statistics are statistics. Android is the best.

**"Okay edowerd its time for historee again" I remineded edowerd. If it wasn't for me edowerd would never be anywere on time because he's sooooo forgetfull.**

Briar: I doubt that. He’s likely doing this so you feel better about your own inabilities.

**Alicai smild and wavved as we went indoors but no then she screamed**

Cherry: I’d be screamin’ too if I had to put up with this.

**"LOOK OUT ITS FUCKiNG COPS" when suddenly the police came.**

Asahi: Officers, if you want to earn your badges, you know who to take out.

**There were two of them both with guns in their pickets just like Alicia has. When Alicia swa them she took ot her gin and ran into the building. She ran right down the halls past me and edowerd and pushed tanishashankwua out of the way as she was braidin her hare.**

Cherry: Well, police raid on a school. Gonna be fun or a disaster.

Asahi: My vote on the disaster.

**i luked at dem all fuouriosly.**

**"why do you think she's running" I questioned edowerd**

Briar: “Well, she did just scream ‘cops’, and she’s on the run from the law…”

Asahi: “Ah, right. Completely justified, then.”

**"I think shes going to go hide her drugs" he answered. I was glad that edowerd was here to answer all of the hard qestions for me.**

Cherry: Cause knowin’ why a fugitive is runnin’ is such a hard question.

**I luked deeply into his raven colured eyerises as he spoek**

**"stop mothafuggas it's the law" stampeded oine of the officers. Then the black guy flshed and we were assoured fo his status.**

Asahi: Time to earn your keep, boys.

**"what can we do for you offiser" I asked qietly**

**"we are investigatin the dissapeerence of chadley swan" they told me.**

Cherry: There’s no disappearance. There was a funeral. Shouldn’t ya be investigating his murder?

**"Chadley was a good friend of mine and he wsnted you to know that he left evurything to you Rebecca because he hated that whore bella." I nodded in assumpsion, because she was rioght.**

Asahi: _Justice for Bella, 2020!_

Briar: I am personally insulted and disgusted. Charlie was a good man who loved his daughter dearly!

**Chadley wasn't that angry when I killed him because he understud me. Charley waz why I came to live in fourks in the first palce. He was so dispointed in bella that he wanted new dawter.**

Asahi: You can’t just turn your niece into your daughter just because you want to. Trust me on that.

**Anyways he wouldn't be ded for long because we plan on bringin him back to luife by turning him into a vampiore!**

Cherry: Without his consent? Rude!

**Edowerd suddenly whispered into my feac "Lady rebecca I doth believeth that these meneth doeth noteth noeth thateth weeth hast killedeth chadlyeeth"**

Briar: Because saying that in front of the cops is a great idea. No, really, keep talking. I want to see you arrested.

**"OH MY FUOCKING GOID" I scramed**

Asahi: Not Judah?

**because he was right. I frewked OUIT! I took edwrds hand and ran at my fastest speed away rfom the cops. We had to finde a plan owt and then cover it fast, otherwise I might get in truble and have to leave fourks! I wuld have to leeve EDOWERD!**

Cherry: But they don’t know you killed him?

Cherry: Ya just got to act normal and everythin’ will be—

Cherry: Ah, right. Ya don’t know what ‘normal’ means.

**CHAPTRE 13: THE LECSHURE**

**As I rain down the hal at the quickest speed I thought baeck to my life hear in fourks. Wen I first got hear, it was chadley who introdooced me to al of his fiends and familly.**

Briar: He sounds like a good uncle.

**Without him bella and I wouldnt of had anything in comon. What wuld everybuddy think if they learned that I was the one who kiled chadley? Would any of them still accept me as their friend?**

Asahi: Charlie was a wonderful man, they would throw you behind bars for murder.

**Would edowerd love me anymore? Would I be able to hoke up with any guys I likd?**

Asahi: Edward already knows you killed him. But, unless the guys are into murderers, they wouldn’t. 

**"Rebecca gurl wassup" asked tanishashanqua who was for my literachure clas.**

Cherry: I thought you had history?

**"not much gurl" I sed back. The teecher Mr. Cleerwater stated to talk about his lectur when I beagan to get bord.**

**"Wurks maed in dis time period were made in the modernist period. As a genrah modernism id difficult to defaine because there are no set kwalifyers that determine if sumthing is modernistic or not. Despite the lac of a koncreate definition it is stil posible to determinh if a work is modernisitic or noit.**

Asahi: I feel like this is both true and not true?

Cherry: A lotta the early modernist writers addressed changin’ ideas, like ones by Darwin, Einstein and so on. It also took place after WW1, so there was a lotta disillusionment.

Cherry: I think stream-of-consciousness became a writin’ technique during the modernism period?

Cherry: All I really know though is that Virginia Woolf was a big leaguer in the modernism community.

**I argu that Bernisee Boobs Her Hair**

Asahi: …What?

**is a piece of literashure efectedby modernism b/c of the mane caracters alienation form teen sosiety, the wurk's analisis of a formeing generashional gap, and da pushing fo social boundries in wich the mane character indules in,,,"**

Briar: Look, I have no idea what’s even going on right now.

Asahi: Same.

**I stooped listening to the fuicking boreing lecshure going on because I new that school was a waist of time and that we shouldbt be talking about ded people anways.**

Asahi: Wrong.

Briar: Very wrong.

Briar: History is important, learning from the mistakes of the dead is important. Learning is important.

Briar: Unless you want to spend your entire adult life working on a farm or worse because you’ve not the education for anything else, and possibly being sold for the same price of a goat because your family needs the money for food since you’re inadequacies have left you without a sustainable job and your family is now starving.

Cherry: …That’s a bit insultin’ to farmers an a lot of other people. An sellin’ people’s illegal here.

Briar: Sorry. Different cultures. Different cultural norms. Farmers are great, they’re important beyond words. But, and I’m speaking for my world, not for yours, the average man doesn’t possess the same academic background and knowledge as…say…a crowmaster, or a magistrate.

Asahi: I guess it makes sense. I mean, we’re talking about a world that’s essentially still in the dark ages. Not the brightest of people.

Briar: Rude.

**Besides if I had any qustions about the paste I could just ask edowerd since he was born in 190.**

Cherry: Edward’s old. But he aint _that_ old.

Asahi: 1901, to be precise. Makes him about 119 years old.

**"psst tanishashanqua" I tryd to get her atention but it loked like she was to busy talking notes.**

Briar: Like a good student.

**Tanishadshanqua cums from a getto neyborhood in fourks were peple get robed and shot a lot. Tanshina had red scarlet hare from her head drapping down to her but wich was very pretty but nt very easy to taek caer of. But she did her hare in a getto way so it loked fuckign ugly most of the tiem.**

Briar: Rude.

Cherry: I’ll have ya know, those ‘ghetto’ hair-styles ya think are so ugly are actually really, really cool an beautiful. If ya, ya know, actually take care of your hair.

Cherry: But any hairstyle looks gross if yer never washin’ it.

**For sumone who alwaeys does peples hares she cant do her own very wel.**

**"god (judah) gurl what is it" she angrilee ansered. Shanquas god is also Judah like just me.**

Asahi: Judah _isn’t_ a God. Unless you’re making up a God. Judah’s a son of Jacob.

Asahi: If your talking about Judaism, their God is the same God that’s in Christianity and Islamism. Hence why it’s called the _Abrahamic Religions_. Same God, different methods of worship, and different names for Him.

Asahi: Then again, I’m no expert on religion.

**"is it bad to kill someone if they are hurtin sumone you hold closse"**

**"hell fucking yea" she happilee exckaimed**

**"but why" I wonderered**

**"becase if the popo cetch ya then youll get your ass thrown in jhail cracka"**

**"oh" I realized. Mr. Cleerwater was still taking very boringlee about thinsg that just didnt apply to me.**

Briar: Murder is generally frowned upon in most circumstances. I’m not going to say it’s not complicated and there are situations where killing someone is necessary, for self-protection or for justice. But—

Briar: There is no justification that would make killing Charlie okay.

**",,, a metaphor for the transfomeshin that amerikan sosiety was maekin in the jaz era. Modernist valyoos and a diselusionment frum the great war evokd progresive konsepts that were new and bould, sum reseeved wel and others reseeved poorly. The conflict between Bernise and Marjoree is indikativ of clashs in sosietal norms that transishional America wuz fasing"**

Asahi: As an avid reader, the way she’s bastardizing what would have been an interesting lecture annoys me.

**He finaly finished and I was gladf becuse that was serioiusly the most borng piece of shit lectur I ever had to site through and reed. But now I could talk to edowerd and go find Alicia so that was good.**

Cherry: Does your entire life revolve around Edward?

**"Hey edowerd what are we doing about the cops" I asked**

**"wee doth need to destroyeth thine evidence or putteth the blameth on someone elserth" he answered grately.**

Asahi: _I know what you’re thinking and don’t you dare. Do not pin this on Bella!_

**" I wasn't too shure about this because I wanted to do gud things dep down. I thoght it was helping Alicia to kill chadley but I guess im just misunderstud.**

Briar: You’re a complete idiot who thought murdering Charlie was the proper thing to do to save Alicia.

Briar: You never even tried to consider an alternative way of freeing her that wouldn’t involve bloodshed. Such as, oh, I don’t know…

Briar: Having her use her vampiric super strength to break the bars and free herself? Or having Emmett, whose unique vampire power is being _physically stronger_ than the average vampire, break the bars and free her.

Briar: You could have even waited until Charlie fell asleep and took the keys then.

Asahi: That all requires her to think. She doesn’t know how to.

**Then the bell rang and I loked up. It was bella in the hall. I tought she loked like a fucking scank with syfilis in her fishnet stalkins and slutty pink miniskirts but I gess guys jsut liek that shit or sumthing.**

Cherry: Look, I may not want to see em on _me_ , but fishnets an miniskirts are pretty damn sexy.

**Anyways the poiny of this is tht I realizd something.**

**"edowerd. I think I found someone who can taek the blame!" I sed.**

Asahi: The _one_ thing I asked you not to do!

**"Nay my lady weeth canteth doeth thateth Rebecca sheth iseth youreth cousin." Edowerd told me.**

Asahi: _Thank you_ Edward! For being a voice of reason for once!

**Eh loked so fuicking hawt undur the nergy efishent lights in the hall. Loking into his eys I had a memory in my head of whn we were kids. We where on the playgrownd in Mexico and she kicked a bounch of sand in my feace and then ran to her mom and said I did it. Judah (god) shes just so fuking jewvenile.**

Briar: You guys lived in Mexico?

Cherry: Uh, _juvenile_ makes sense, considerin’ ya were kids. That’s what the word means.

Cherry: Though I can’t blame her for kickin’ sand in your face.

**"So what, she was always meen to me when I first came to fourks" I retoted.**

**"But she used to be my friends and Jakubs" Edowerd sed. I admitt that he sotr fo had a point but then agin jabuc's friends did raep her that one time wich I liked because it gav her an atitood adjustmint.**

Briar: And we’re just cementing the fact that _you_ are a terrible person by justifying your cousins rape. Just reading that makes my stomach churn.

**"Ever since she got raped she changed" I pleated to edowerd.**

Asahi: Jeez, I wonder why! Could it have been the trauma of a violent attack she suffered? The result of PTSD over being raped and her own family justifying what she went through?

**Now we here slowly waking down the hal to the presidents office so that I could run for the election. That was when SHE appeared! It was ROSE! And she was waking towards me at her ful potenshil.**

Cherry: The true queen of the series has arrived!

**"Havent you dun enuff to her already?" Asked Rosey who had cum up to su in the hal to ask us about that.**

Asahi: Yes, she has. Thank you for noticing.

**Rosse was stading uprite and was easily a hed taler than me. She was paler then edowerd but had beyutiful blond hare wich flowed evanesentlee in the breez. Rosey iz always gettin in my bizness and begin a whiney bitch in geenral. I tel her that she can og fuock off sumtimes but she nevr listens unlik wedowrd.**

Briar: Because she isn’t a pushover who will take shit from someone like you.

**Edowird loked at me and then instately he understode wat I wantd. becuz the trtuh is hat i was slowlee failing fo him and I think he was faling for me too**

Cherry: You’re still saying you’re ‘slowly’ falling for each other? Girl, ya fell for each other in chapter one.

**"Rossey why are doth here?" edowird inkwired for me**

**"Im hear to registr fro the posishin of president of the skool" she sed wiht hatrid in her voyse!**

Asahi: She’s got my vote.

Briar: Mine too.

Cherry: Anythin for our queen.

**"WHA TDA FUOCK" I scraemed in foury. Edowird wuld have smaked rossey but he and me are too scared of her sinse shes an assassin.**

Asahi: I’m sorry, what?

Asahi: First of all, Edward wouldn’t smack Rosalie, she’s family.

Asahi: Second, when did she become an assassin—oh right. Newborn. Royce and his friends. The wedding dress. Yeah, she’s a bit of an assassin.

**"do I need to remind u that I hav a lisens to kill Rebecca" rossey asked. i shut up becuz theres no way edowrid culd take rossey in a fight. Shes just way to powurful.**

Cherry: Rosalie you are our queen! Ya could kill em now an no one would mind.

**"im just kiddin gurl. But seriosly don't cross me bitoc" she warned before she waked ot of the presidont registashin rum. Judah (God) rosey is such a bitch. It's good though because shes a assassin and its her job to kill people and because shes a vampier she has a speshal deal with the FBI to let her murdr peple.**

Briar: That’s not… how any of that works.

Briar: But you do you?

**But anyways then deowred and me went and registurd for the cvampain. But then jsut as we were waking out of the rum da two poleece offisirs akosted us.**

**"WE SIAD STOOP MOTHAFUOGGERS" they SCRAEMD and then da officer waved his pisstul at great shot towards me an edowerd.**

Asahi: Please hit. I beg you, please hit!

**Suddenly rosy came and she tuk out her two guns and shout the bullet in mid aer, and pointed the gunms at da ofisers. She hade taken her sunglases off wich ment dat she ment serious bizness noaw.**

**"bitch plz ill fuck u both up" she sed smoothlee.**

Cherry: I believe ya. But why are ya shooting at the cops? Shouldn’t ya be shooting Rebecca?

**Den she shot one of the ofisers in her brest and she scramed "OWWWW" she screamed loudlee. "get out of here you wil onlee get in da way" she sed angrilee to us. If she wusnt heplign us rite now I wuld smaeck her for bein such a biotch but dat wasnt the situashin rite no w so I culdnt.**

Briar: Please. You smack her and you lose your hand.

Asahi: I want her to do that because I want her to lose her hand.

**Meenwile Edowerd and mee ran az fast az i culd, huryeing. We onlee had dis one chans to frame bella for chadleys deth and THIS WAS IT!**

Asahi: Damn it all!

**chaptwer 15 - edowerds chois**

**Edowerd and me ran duwn the hals of the skool trying not to get hti by the bulets from roses two guns.**

Briar: Wait, now Rosalie is shooting _them_?

**"EVERYBDOY HIT THE FUCKIng DEK" Mr cleerwater screemed at the tiop of his vice. A bunch of the students weer runnin and jumin and trying to not gethuit by the bulets flyinhg evreywere.**

Cherry: Understandable. I’d be freakin’ out if someone shot up my school.

**Mike nuton who had survivd earlyer becuz he had an emergencee braen transfushin got shot in his you no wat and was ded for real.**

Asahi: …Okay?

Asahi: I feel bad for the guy, but… we already thought he was dead so there’s really no impact.

**I felt bad for the ofisers becuz they weree going to di e today and there waz nothung they culd do to kil rose becaus she was a vampier who wurked for the govermint. I guess thats how the Collinss have alwas manajed to stasy hiden.**

Briar: It’s not because of all the hard work and care they put into not being found out, no, it couldn’t be that.

**Suddenly the hole skool was bein invaded by police men. They were jumpin trhough the windoes of the skoll and were sprayin the pace with t here buillets. One of them jumped out in front of me and loked scray.**

Asahi: Is this kind of excessive violence normal in American schools?

Cherry: Yes an no.

**"CUM WITH US OR WELL KIL YOU" a man scramed at me. I was gonna complie with what he waented but then he tuched me. I wuz going to be scraed but i dont taek that shitr from no one not evne edowird so I got out my anti-raep knife and stabed hi times with it in the nek [AN: SEE REBECKA IS SMART SHE WENTT FORn THE ONLYU SPOIT WERE THE HELKEMT WASNT IN THRE WAY] an dhis neck stated to sprasy bloud everywere.**

Asahi: I’ll admit, going for that _is_ a smart spot to aim, smarter than I thought she was.

Asahi: _But stabbing isn’t smart at all_.

Cherry: Congrats. You are now a cop-killer. Not a good thing.

**"MI LADY DOTH THINKETH THATETH WE SHOULDETH GETETH TO BELLAETH" edowurd caresed. Suddenly a coip cum and shoit edowerd in the ches tiems in the cheast. I fel to the grund unce i saw this because edowerd is the luv of my life. I cruied ebanesent teers of sorrow and the teer drops feel onto his chest.**

Briar: Uh… vampire? Immortal? Ringing a bell?

**"Rebeca, doth shall not falleth in loveth witheth me" he sed sexily to me. Then i realsed i had nothing to worree about because edowurd was a vampier which means he cant die.**

Briar: You’re idiocy is honestly astounding.

**Then my evanednt teers becaem teers of joi wich brawt edowerd back fro m his slumber. I relized that he was my solmate in leif.**

Cherry: Urgh.

Cherry: I hate soulmate tropes.

**"GOD FUICKING DAMMIT EDOWERD DONT YOU DEI ON ME AGAIN" i screamd at him. How daer he maek me care abut him when he wasnt really dyeing!**

Asahi: “How dare he make me think he’s dying when he got shot!”

**But there wasnt tiem to get angree becuz the soldurs were stil cuming and shooting all thruout the halls. Edowerd pucked me up with amasing hotness and sped and doodged all of teh bulits and caried me to safetee in the bathrum were i fought angela to a draw earlyr.**

Briar: Well, that’s a load of horseshit.

Briar: You didn’t _“Fight”_ her. You hid in the stalls and crawled on the floors until Edward came in.

**And then we saw or objektiv: BELA. She was jsut gettin owt of the stal and writing in her emoshinal dairy wen edowerd and i tackled her. I was hapy becase bella is an anti enviyormentalst hu has had this cuming to her for a loung tiem.**

Asahi: Justice. For. Bella!

**She wuz probably doin drugz in the stal enyways [AN: KIDS DONT DO DROUGS THEY AER BAD FOR U].**

Cherry: I hate when I have ta agree with her.

**"WHAT THE FUICK ARE U GUYS DOIN" she scramed at the toip of her lungs. I smaeked that skanc in his feace and then edowerd tyed her up with sum rope.**

Briar: I hope that our generous host allows us to visit these worlds of fanfiction at some point.

Briar: I do wish to show Rebecca what justice looks like.

**"Rebecca milady i doeth noteth thinketh thateth weeth shouldeth doth beeth doingeth thiseth" he woredlee exsclaimd. I tuk a step baeck and loked at the situashin. Bella was tyed up in rope in one of the stals and edowerd and me were abut to leav her.**

**"Edowerd if i dont do this then theyll find out it was me who kiled chadley" I pleded.**

**"fuck you!" bella scraemed at me.**

Asahi: A completely justifiable reaction.

**"excuse me emo bitch who da fuck ased U!?" i was so close to taking out my antiraep nife and just stabing tha t mothafuocking bitch but then i remembred that kiling is onlee okay to saev peopul and that if i wuz gonna folow judah then i hav to sav thigns like the enviyorment**

Cherry: Aaaah she pisses me off so much!

**"FIRST YOU KIK ME OWT OF THE HOSE THEN YoU KIL CHADLEY WHAT THE FUICK DO YOU WAENT FROM ME" she wuz crying now. her teers wer driping down her feace and making al of her emo maekup cum off. I laffed becuz she wuz being so fcking whinny and was crying and so did edowerd.**

Briar: Bella, your cousin is a sociopath… or is it a psychopath?

Briar: It doesn’t matter which. Your cousin is extremely fucked up in the head and you deserve so much better.

**Anywaes wile she wuz cryin we toke one of my anti raep nifes (i always have spaers) and put it in bellas fuoking uglee flanell coat pokit. Wit this evidunce on her theres no way i culd be cot for my criem.**

Asahi: Reading this is so painful.

**"edowerd MAEK HER STOP OR ILL SAY YOU RAEPED ME" she finaly screemed in despuration.**

**"NO EDOWERD IF U STOP ME ILL SAY U RAEPED ME AND DEN STAB U WITH MY ANTI RAPE NIFE" i screemed ever loudlier. It tuk a moment for edowerd to undrstaen the situashin he wuz in.**

Cherry: Edward should just walk away and leave the both of them.

**"Bella I doeth not doth luveth thee hancefourth andeth becuzeth ofeth this i henceforth shall helpeth milady rebecca" he sumblee staetd.**

**BUT IT WAS TO LAET BECUZ THEN THE VAMPIER ANGELA APEARD AGIN IN THE BATHROMO!**

Asahi: Angela to the rescue!

Asahi: Save Bella, I am _begging_ you!

**AN: Pepol wer beign nice**

**_*Applauds loudly* My dear, this is BRILLIANT! Simply BRILLIANT! Such fresh, funny style! Such wonderful cohesion between references to other trollfics and your own unique elements! And the Bella-bashing-GENIUS! You have clearly done your research! Thank you so much for this fic, which has brought joy and laughter into the heart of many a weary snarker._ **

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_Anya the Purple_ **

Briar: I see we’ve a traitor in our midst.

Cherry: I think Anya was being very nice about callin’ it a trollfic.

**yeha i dunt no y but pepul cal me a trol wich is wrong cuz im a human and i dunt liv enderneth a bridge and aske peuple ridels but whatever its nice i gess**

Asahi: Your clearly not that intelligent. But we knew this already.

**but then i got sum haters so fuock u guys**

**_LightningHunter 10/2/12 . chapter 1_ **

**_Ya know even my 8 year old cousin can spell better than you._ **

Asahi: I’m pretty sure _I_ can write better English than her. An I only know English when I’m _here_. That’s saying something.

**_Let me say oneeee more thing ..._ **

**_YOU SUCK !_ **

**NO YOU SUCK U JSUT CANT UNDERSTAND THE CIMPLIKATD WOURLD TAT REBECA LIVS IN AD HER FLITE FROM FOURKS U JUST DOTN GET TI**

Briar: You’ve literally given us no reason to like or sympathize with Rebecca. She’s an abusive, controlling, manipulative fiend who resorts to excessive violence when she sees something she doesn’t like.

Briar: She’s not a likable character at all, and the spelling just makes everything worse.

**chapter 16 Angela vs Rebeca**

**OH NO it was the vampior ANGELA who had kiled all fo bellas fiends erlier.**

Asahi: I wouldn’t be surprised at this point if she did it because she was a yandere for Bella. I honestly want it to be for that reason.

**She waked sexilee beack in forth wearing only a whait thoing and skarlit fishnet stolkings and a goldin bikeenee top and purpul six inhc hi heels. I no it sunds wierd but trust me she wuz pulin them of.**

Cherry: You’re right.

Cherry: It sounds super weird.

**"OHG FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK" bella scramed at the toop of her lungs. But it hd no efect becuz outsied the gunfite wuz stil going on and insied we were so no sound bullits becuz gun cant sownd**

Briar: No sound because bullets can’t sound…?

Asahi: Clearly someone has never heard a gun go off.

**"I AM HEER TO FINIS HWHAT I STATED A LOUNG TIEM AGO" the vamprior angel screemed!**

**"O NO U DONT BIOTCH I NEDE HER TO NOT GO TO JALE" I screemed baeck.**

Cherry: I’m hoping that what she is referring to is to finish the last bathroom scene with Rebecca.

Cherry: I’m with you on the yandere theory, Asahi.

Asahi: At this point, it’s the only thing I will accept from this story.

**I tuk my sekond anti raep nife our fo my pockit and poyntid it at the biotch. Angela was instately assoured of my potenshil and tuk out a thre yard long samurai sorde.**

Briar: Knife versus sword. The knife-user could win if they’re good. But Angela is a vampire. Super-human reflexes and strength, and the advantage of length for the sword.

Briar: Logically, there is no way that Rebecca should win.

Asahi: Since when has this story followed logic?

Briar: Fair point.

**"no no no no no no no FUCK YOU YO MOTHWERFUOCKER" I sreemed agin but agin it dindt hav any afect on the situashin. "EDOWIRD HLEP ME" but it wuz no use he wasnt in the batroom with mee.**

Cherry: When’d he leave?

Cherry: I mean, I ain’t complaining, we even said he ought to just leave. I just woulda liked to know he had left.

**"JUDAG FUOCKING DAMMIT I HAET ALL OF U BIOTCHEZ!" The vampiore angela was goign to kil me! "NO GETBELLA SHES TYED UP" Angla tuk anther step to me and sudenly a GUNSHOUT WERNT OFF!**

**"yo homie wats up" tanishashanqua sed. IT WAS ALICIA AND TANISHASHANKWA DEY WEER HEER TO RESCU ME!**

Briar: Why would you rescue _her_ and not Bella, the clear victim here.

**"Yo you on my turf fuckor best be gettin off it" alicia wanred. Alicai had here pistul frum the other day in her haend adn had usde it to atack agela!**

**"btch plz shes maine" angela sed and then luged at bella. I wuz so glad dat she wusnt after me al along!**

Asahi: No, no, she didn’t say Bella died. This could still be Angela rescuing her.

**hen alicia caem up to me and sed "we have to staek her in the hart to kil her" she sed and then gaev me a shotgun "but dont use it yet kep it for later". I noded my hed in awarnes.**

Asahi: Specifically, you should shoot it when the barrel is pointed at yourself for the optimal effect.

**"ill fcuking kill u you motharfucker!" and wit that alicia shot angela in the faec four tiemes but onlee got 2 hits becuz she was gonong so fsat but tashinaquasha bit angela in the hand and then angela pushed hr in the face! But then kasper apperd and klawed angelas face with his womins nales and den angela stopped**

Briar: I would be happy to never see Jasper in this story again. Just to stop with the anti-trans remarks.

Cherry: How is it two vamps an two humans can’t take down one, presumably newborn, vamp?

**"I WILL BE BAECK LATEr" she scremed and then gav me the Katana "YOU MUST KIL BELA WHEN THE TIEM COMES" she scremed and then disappeared.**

Asahi: Oh come on!

Asahi: Angela! I believed in you!

**Edowerd cum and then we huged together in frunt of evereeoen. Dis maed me crai becuz we were taking our relashonship to a new levul. Except dat i felt his thingee when we toched and then i broke up and i smaked him for being a PERVURT!**

Asahi: This hurts me.

Cherry: This hurts everyone.

**"yo moon why is bella tyed up" alicai and kaspor asked.**

**"becuz we need her to go to jale insted fo me" i sed hapilee**

**"u caent do that" caspor sed.**

Asahi: Thank you, Jasper!

**Then i stabed him with my new ANTI RAEP CATANAA in leg becuz even tho he thinks hes a women hes jsut a confuzed maen and hes stil in the girls rum**

Briar: Wait, I’m confused now. Is Jasper a transwoman or a transman in this?

**"U FUOCKING RAPER SPOT TRYIGN TO SEX ME WITH UR EYS" I stabed. Kaspor went nuts tho and then tried to byet me but pedowerd stoiped him ad then he ran of.**

Briar: _Why_ is Rebecca not in prison for assault yet? A man just looks at her and she stabs him.

Asahi: Because the author believes she can do no wrong.

**Then alicia told me dat i culdnt fraem bella for chadleys deth becuz she had an abili so we were back to skware 1.**

Asahi: Thank you Alicia! Thank you.

**AN: okay so im getin som h8trs**

Cherry: Shocker.

**_Flawless Obsession 10/8/12 . chapter 8_ **

**_Out of all this story that I had the displeasure of reading, this is the only thing I understood._ **

**_Go on then and show how immature you are._ **

**but u no wat im gona ruse abuv it liek jesus crist wuld want me 2. u r a fuker and i caent chaneg dat but i can kepe doign wat im doign regadeless of the critcizm becuz to b a grate riter u hav to folo ur dreemsd and ur hart wich i am soing.**

Asahi: To be a great writer, you also need a solid comprehension of spelling, grammar, and basic storytelling.

Asahi: You have none of that.

Cherry: I can honestly see why her editor dipped out.

**chapter 17 - edowerd betrays**

Cherry: Hooray! Good for him.

**"Wait moon before you go"**

Briar: And you still call her ‘Moon’, I see.

**alicia approched me wit determinashin in her eies. She we wearing her usual drug dealor uniformn and had matching redd earings. She had died her hare paink with purpol hilites andit was weet from the intens battel we had hade earlier.**

Briar: That fight was supposed to be intense?

Briar: I’ve seen kids play-fighting with more intensity.

**"What is it alicai" i pated her heed becuz it luked liek she was having a rouff day. [AN: SEE REBEKA HAS EMPATHEE SHES NOT A SYKOPATH]**

Asahi: Well, that’s just a lie.

Cherry: Most of the time, Rebecca can’t even be bothered to consider anyone but herself.

**"I need you to help me with sumthing" she sed with anger in her face.**

**"What is it" i questined expektently wile trying to find my voyce in my throet.**

**"Well i kno why all of the cops are invadin the scool and kiling people" she sed...**

Asahi: Does it have anything to do with one of their men being murdered and you, a convicted druglord, busting out of jail?

Cherry: Or all the murders an assaults?

**"Wait why" i asked inkwizatively.**

**"I was in the kemistry rum and was trying to make a new super droug for my biznes when i acidently mixed the drug with a buncha blud sampels i found in mr Chocoluvs ofiss" she sed. I saw a singul teer drop folowed by two more teer drops fal down her face and hut the florwich both caem from her eies.**

Briar: Huh, the bloodsamples are actually going to play a part?

Briar: Color me surprised.

**"so what" i sed. We hade more pressing maeters to atttend to like the dedly virus spredin!**

Asahi: I’m sorry, the _what_ spreading?!

**"It mutated into a virus becuz of the vamprie blud. the birus will kils anyone who breethes it in and then whoever breethed it wil die if they arent a vampier" Juda damit this fuocking shit is why alicia doesnt have any friends that arent me and edowerd and caspor and jemmet and rosalee and tanishashashankwa.**

Cherry: Sounds like she’s got plenty of friends.

Cherry: Also, that virus is a _pretty big deal!_

**"wen did u do this" edowerd asked**

**"earlyr today" alicai asnwered. "i ran off to chek on the sampuls when i fiorst saw hte cops this mourning". Then she left the bathromo just liek she caem earlyr.**

**"uh oh" i sed. This culd be a probelm for the rest of the skool. "wil i be safe?" i asked questionately.**

Briar: Of course not.

**"yes milady" edowerd replierd. "doth loveth and salieva frum hence my moutheth wil power thee to lifeth." Edowerd sed sexily. I wuznt luking right at him but i culd see his sexy reflekshin in the bathrum miror.**

Asahi: I can’t say anything about that because Twilight vampires have reflections.

**We wer al alone in the bathrum so i finaly pooped the qustion to my lover.**

**"hey edowerd wanna sex" i asked lovnglee.**

Cherry: Hey, we were right. The ‘no sex before marriage’ didn’t hold up.

**"yes milday i doth think it wuld be plesureable" he sed.**

**"WELL TO BAD ITS A TARP! I DUNT BELIVE IN SEX BEFOR MARIAGE AND YOU FALLED THE TEST" I scremed and began to crie.**

Asahi: Wow.

Asahi: She is a _terrible_ girlfriend.

Cherry: That’s just… you asked him a question, wanting something don’t mean the same as actually doin’ it.

**Edowrd had betrayd me and now i was al alone in the wurld.**

Briar: Exaggeration. That’s not a betrayal.

Briar: Now, Edward breaking your trust by revealing some very damaging information about you to some people who immediately use it to ruin your chances of the high-class position you had been set to take, all for some superficial thing in return, forcing you to live in squalor for a period of time and eventually finding a high-stress very dangerous job where you’re underappreciated despite how important you are, all the while he takes the job you had originally been set to have. Now that’s a betrayal.

Asahi: Uh… speaking from experience?

Briar: Hypothetical.

Asahi: ...Okay?

**I ran owt of the bathrom betrayd by edowerd and jsut ran down the hals. I ran rely fast and then began to smel the viris that alicaia had ben talking abut.**

Cherry: If we’re lucky, you’ll die.

**I shreemly luked down the hals at all the ded boodies. All of the coips were ded on the grund. I herd a really disgustin noiz cuming from down the hal. I tuk out my shotgun htat alicia had given me earlyer and slowlee creepedd up on them. I GASPOED when i saw who it was!**

Briar: Well that cliffhanger could have been better.

Asahi: A lot of this story could have been better.

**chapter 18 - rebeca vs Hames**

Cherry: Hames?

Cherry: Ah, fuck.

Cherry: _James_.

**It was the two vampiors from the cleering earlyrs the other day! Except for the gai who i kiled with the rock!**

Asahi: At least you remembered you killed one.

Asahi: With a _rock_.

**"I THOGUHT I TOLD U TO FUCK OFF" I voyced at them. Then they got up from the blud on teh grund.**

**"bitch plez im a teachor now" sed the guy in the leathur bicker jackit.**

Briar: He teaching history? Tracking?

Cherry: I’d be fine with him teachin’ either.

**He luked realy evil unlike edowerd and me.**

Asahi: You’re the evilest one here.

**His hare was even moar black then before and drapped down to his feete. Hiz faec was covered in fucking uglee peersings wich maed him luk like a transvestite.**

Briar: Ah yes. Transphobia. Such a brave thing to explore.

**To his side was his ladee, the biotch with the minijeen skurt so teeny dat you culd see her you-no-what exsept not anymore becuz she was wearin flor length jeens so loung that you culdnt see her shoes anymore. She hade a wors dres sens than bella wich i didnt thuink was posibul.**

Cherry: An your style is any better?

**"wich meens we can disciplin u now for kiling our leeder you runt" the biotch sed. She tuk owt a mikerofone from her purse and he tuk out a gitar from his back and they both ekwipped their wepins and began to use them atme!**

Cherry: Wait… this a rock battle now?

Asahi: They’re a band of rockers. Oddly not surprising.

**"DO YOU NO WHO I AM" I SCREEMED AT THEM.**

Briar: An abusive, manipulative, psychotic fiend.

**I tuk out my Catana and my shotgun to show them that I was a stroing independant womin! But it didnt stop them so i screemed for hlep!**

Asahi: What happened to you being a “Strong, independent woman”?

Cherry: At least _try_ before ya start screamin’ for help!

**"EDOWERD" I stated but then i remebered that i was done with taht trayter's bulshitt so i scredmed for sumone else "KASPOR! REMMET! ANYONEEE!" but it hade no afect so i ran down the hal paste mr cleerwater.**

Briar: She had a gun and a sword, she could have at least stood her ground.

Asahi: She’s a fake, what do you expect?

**"stop this is a violashin of skool rules you despicabul dunce" mr cleerwaetr he sed to me but it was to late becuz Hammes and Vitorio kiled him with theyre bad muzik [AN: ROUCK IS STUPID AND REBECA DOEZNT LISEN TO IT]**

Cherry: Well _fuck you_!

**and by hiting him with their gitars and pursus. I new he was ded becuz then they beheded him and then ate the hed! Hten they kept cuming for ME!**

Briar: Eating the head seems excessive. But who am I to judge.

**"WE ARE GOIGN TO AVENJE FORAUNT" Vitorio methodiculy wispurd in my direkshin. We had run trhough the siense wing of the skool and were now in the halth wing. [AN: furks high is atachde to the hospitul]**

Briar: Is that—

Asahi: I don’t think _any_ school is attached to the hospital.

Cherry: But it explains how Bella got released back to class so quickly.

**"ill sav u rebekka!" it was JACUB who had an AX!**

Asahi: Why not turn into your wolf form? That’d be more effective than an axe.

**He was shitless and stading in the hal with an axe and his musculor bild and tan skin maed me horny rite then an there. He had hade a harecut and now he luke d like a cros between Brad Pity and Chanin Taytim and Zaeck F-Ron and Nail Patrik Harrus (eksept withut him beign gau) Exsept jakub is a native indien.**

Cherry: We get it. He’s sexy.

**"WYH ARE U DOIGN THIS" Jakub axd [AN: Hahaha GET TI!?].**

Briar: It’s a bad pun.

**"ITS BECUZ I LOVE REBECA" Hamees sed! Jakub and me and Citoria all GASPED!**

Asahi: Excuse me?

Asahi: No. Nope. Get that crap out of here!

Asahi: We’re not doing this stupid love triad today. No we are not.

**Sudenly everyting in the wurld stoped and the spotlite was on Hames who had jsut professored his undieign luv to me.**

**"Yes its true even tho i use u for sex Clitoria i dunt realy loev you" he sed.**

Cherry: One; rude of ya to use someone just for sex.

Cherry: Second; what the fuck? _Clit_ oria? That’s just insultin!

**But he saw stil runign toewerds me so i had to housely dodj the atack. Then he got on 1 foot and stated to plau his gitar at me. He stated singing Im a B by the Blaeck I Ps which I haet becuz onlee loisers listen 2 mainstreem muzic.**

Cherry: I _hate_ when they bring music into this!

**Wile he waz serenating me Jakub choped of his arm with hs ax and then Games ran away likea bithc. Jakub was sweeting and painting and he piked me up with his arms and tuk me away from the sene. It was so hot liek out of a bluckbuster movee.**

Asahi: Lame.

Asahi: Very lame.

**"I am going to taek you to owr leeder Rebeca" he sed. I didnt liek his rurry fiends but i wuld deel with it becuz i wuznt in a situashin to argeu at the moment.**

**"who is ur leeder" i asked as he carryd me paste all of the karnage.**

**"luk for yourself" he sed and then I saw who it was. I gawsped! IT WAS...**

Cherry: Sam Uley. The leader of the pack is Sam Uley. At least until Jacob splits and makes a different pack.

**chapter 19 - The wearwolvs**

**"Look for yourself" he sed and then I saw who it was. I gawsped! IT WAS... LEYA CLEERWATER!**

Briar: I mean, I’m not against her being the alpha.

Briar: But, why?

**Leya was stading dere with her platinom hare with yellow hilites swiging back and forth in the wiund. She hade a lether halter top on with a mathing corset and skurt. She had a batleax ekwiped in her belt and she luked like a pierit in her owtfit wich was awsum becuz piraets are cool.**

Cherry: Damnit! I hate when I gotta agree with her!

**To leas left was her bruther seth cleerwater**

Briar: Ah, right. The one who raped Bella in this.

**and to her right was her cuzin samiel gangee. They both luked like indiens with there shurts off.**

Asahi: They look like Native American’s because _they are_.

**I rememred seth frum the day that he raeped bella. It was a sad storee actuoally for bella but mostlee for seth. You see indian wearwolfs do this thing caled imprisoning were they imprison on some1 and then luv them forever. Its so romaentic.**

Briar: No, it’s not romantic, it’s called kidnapping. It’s illegal. The fact that you find it romantic is actually pretty messed up.

Briar: And it doesn’t justify what Seth did to Bella at all.

**Enywayz I lerned frum Clemmet that seth imprisond on him and tha they were _GAY_ for each oher [AN: REBECA DOEZNT H8 GAYZ CUZ GAIS ARE HOTTT THOGETHER ONLEE TRANSECUALS ARENT THEY DUNT NO WAT THEY R]! (rosey was okay with dis becuz she thinks guy on gui is hawt) **

Briar: Hrm. This makes me want to be _very_ violent.

Asahi: Agreed.

**But Seth didnt waent to be gay so he tryed to repreve his innur demions. First he went to Carliel the collins father who is also a priest to get an exsorsism but it dindt wurk.**

Cherry: So Carlisle went from doctor to priest. Odd career change.

**So he rapped dat fucking whore bella in frustrishin to be normal. But he was such a biotch it didnt wurk and he cryed the entier tiem.**

Asahi: Doesn’t justify what he did to Bella.

**But it didnt wurk and then he went all emo becuz if he was gay then he culdnt b a wearwolv anymore. Jemmet culdnt b with him becuz of the wearwolv thuing. Now thungs are bettr becuz seht jsut rejects that part of himsefl.**

Cherry: You reject the gay part of you or the werewolf part? Cause you can’t do that for either.

**"JACOBO" Lea scremed angrilee waving her battleax baeck and forth**

**"WAT" he scremed back waving hsi own ax back and forth**

Briar: You’re werewolves, not angry lumberjacks.

**"Why hav u brught her here to owr secret base" she askd pointing at ME! I was too shiocked to speek!**

**"she is on our side now" he sed. I luked dreemily into his face as he spoke. His wolfy sent was makin me so fuocking horny waaaay hornieer than edowerds ever did. I dont no why i even bothered with that stupifd hore of a man becuz he was always staking bella before i caem here enyways.**

Asahi: I have a solution for all of this! Rebecca can be with Jacob, that way Jacob can stop being an obsessive creep over Bella. And then Bella and Edward can be together like they are _supposed_ to be.

**"She can help us defete the evil overlorde!"**

**"You meen..." I sed and then pauzd and covered my mouth with my hand and then my otha hand... he wuz talking about the onlee person wrose than bella in fourks... "U meen ESME!?" I scremed?**

Cherry: I honestly forgot she was even in this story. She got one mention and nothin’.

Cherry: But now she’s an evil overlord? Respect.

**"YES! HER!" he sed puting me down gentlee on teh grund. "she is the master of the collins... and the onlee thing stoping us frum being normal!" he sed ultimatly into my faec.**

Briar: Isn’t it cause there are vampires in your location in general?

**We maed eye contect and i instately new that we had waaaay more kemistree than that fuocker edowird and me did.**

Asahi: Then take my advice!

**"but waite how are u immune to the virus" i askd assurdly to all 4 of them. Leya was the onlee 1 to steep forwerd to ansur my qwestion.**

Cherry: Why are _you_ immune?

**"we have super strength" she sed vicariusly.**

**"oh ok" I sed assurd.**

Briar: That… doesn’t explain your immunity.

**"so rebecca will u hlep us to defeet the collins" seth sed sadlee. Then I remembered that kiling all of the collins wuld meen dat demmet the luv of saths lief wuld aslo dye. He wuz being braevr then any1 i no by folowing his clan insted of his hart. I new then dat I HADE to do this 4 seth and semmet.**

Cherry: I see you’re quick to murder Edwards family.

Cherry: Who’s the true traitor here?

**"but wait how can I help" I askd.**

**"there are secret polise at this skool who want to stop us wearwolfs. Sum of the collins work for all fo them. Agenla used to be a part of there fors but then she defeeted. If we defeet esme then rosalees spuy netwurk will HAVE to shut down!**

Briar: Or the assassin and very capable woman that Rosalie is will kill all of you without any effort.

Briar: Ah but that’s just poppycock.

**And U can get baeck to edowerd and truck him into letting u into there hose!" Lea scremmed!**

**But waite! i didnt waent ALL of the collins to dye! Onlee that fucking biotch esme!**

Asahi: Look, listen, if you let one of them live, that’s one person who will likely seek out revenge against you. You have to kill them all.

Briar: I have to agree with him.

Cherry: Nip it in the bud before the circle of revenge can start.

**"lets not kil all of them" I bargind.**

**"yes ur rite we will onle kil esme and rosaless if she gets in the way. Jacob go with her to compleet the misshin im trusting u" Leya sed.**

**AN: I got moar h8ers. h8ers goign 2 h8 is all ill say EKSEPT FOR U:**

Cherry: Ya only open yourself up to the hate.

**_Radiant As You 10/15/12 . chapter 18_ **

**_WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS UGLY, DISGUSTING, STUPID PIECE OF SHIT?!_ **

**_NO FOUCK U! UR THE DISGUSTIN STUPID PECE OF SHIT!_ **

Asahi: Actually, no, that’s you, Author-person.

**chapter 20 the virus resistense**

**Jakuv and me wer runing bak down the hal thru the siense wung of the scool to find a way owt. All fo the dors wer lockd by polisemen who wer locking down the scool becuz of the virus.**

Asahi: Completely understandable. Don’t want it to spread.

**i wuz abut to braek thru to the outsied with my catana wen al of a suden jacubu stoped me.**

**"dont do that rebeca they al cleerlee hav guns" he sed. He hade groped me arm to stiop me and noraly i wuld stop him but he wuz so fucking sexxxxy in the briught sunlite that i didnt minde tha t he diddnt do wat i waented.**

Cherry: There’s the root of your problem. If someone does what you don’t want them to, you stab em.

**"i can taek them" i told him.**

**"no we hav to try and sav as meny pepul as possibul" he told me. He wuznt liek ediwerd at all. He wuz waaay smarter and wuz aslo tryign to sav as meny pepul as possibul.**

Asahi: That mean’s he’s nothing like you, who only looks out for yourself.

**I new den dat it wuld hurt to evar be neer deowerd agin becuz he wuz such a biotch cumpeard to jakub.**

Briar: And look at who made him that way.

**We raen down teh hals sum moer. Jakub was sweeting sexily and riped the leggs of hsi paints offf. So basikalee he wuz runing with shorts on and he luked liek a boodybilder. Meenwile my purpul raben hare wit royul goldin streeks wuz sexilee floewign in the wend as i ran.**

Briar: You love brining up your hair blowing in the wind, don’t you?

Asahi: We should consider getting a counter for that.

**i tuk of my shirt as i ran becuz it wuz coverd in goer and al i had on wuz my reed sportz brah. My boebs wer jigling baeck and forth as i raen but not dat much so wtf u thinkign reedor.**

Cherry: Yer the one who took off her shirt and brought up her boobs jigglin’. In all honestly what the fuck is up with you, writer?

**Then as we came to alicia and tanishashanqua who wer stading outsied the scool labratoree in the halways.**

**"yo my homie wassup" tashinaquansha asked. we stoped to se wat alicai and tanisha wer dogin.**

Asahi: So far Tanishashanqua is the only one I legit like. Probably because we see so little of her.

**"why are you all stil in the building" jakub askd inquistionalee. I steped behinde him to get a luk at his sexy endien wearwolg ass.**

**"we r trying to stop the virus by creeting an antydoote" alicai asnwered. She had a darkk red lab cioat on wich mathced her blud red dyed hare.**

Cherry: Lab coats make people more attractive.

**"yea were goign to fend a solushin to this problem maerk my wurds" tanishashanqua also sed as she steped owt of the lab and itno the hal with alicai jakub and me.**

Asahi: You’re trying to fix the problem you started, I am impressed.

**She didnt haev a lab coate on but she did haev nerdi glases to hlep her see her experimints. Her hare luked normel for onse wich was nise becuz normaelee it dusnt.**

**"tanishashanqua! How r you saef?" i aksed!**

**"i can anser dat mothafuocker" i herd a voyce and it wuznt anyone who i had seen resentlee... it was MR. CHOKOLOVE! (mr coholove is tanishashanquas fathor).**

Briar: Oh, no. What a twist.

**"ive given tasniahshanqua immunitee" he sed. "i am wurkign wit the fbi to distrbiute a cuer to the redst of the scool" he expeled.**

Asahi: So you just happened to have already whipped up an antidote to give to your daughter for a virus that Alicia _just_ made this morning?

Asahi: Kind of suspicious, if you ask me.

**"thats why the coips stoped invadin" alicai cuntinued. "so loung as an antidute is posibul theyl wate for us to finis befoer dey try to kil us al."**

**"how can we hlep" kacub ased. I thught jacub was a retard for not doin the mishin but then i realizd dat he wantd to find a way out without hurtign othars.**

Cherry: Wow, harsh words from someone with the IQ of a squirrel.

**"we nede u to goa nd taek this anteedote and get it to the principul!" alicia sed.**

**"okay i wil do it" jacub sed!**

**"NO NOT YOU" alicai intruded! "REBECA IS THE ONLEE ONE WHO CAN DO THIS" she sed!**

Briar: If this doesn’t turn out to be an elaborate trap to get Rebecca killed, I will be quite upset.

Asahi: We all will be.

Cherry: I’ll throw my skateboard at the screen.

**Then she gaev me the vyle conteining the cuer to the virus! "wen u get it to the prinsipul rebeca u wil haev to injekt the vyle into the air sistem of the scool!"**

Cherry: Wait, why would that be in the principle? Why not in a room?

Asahi: Logic. This story is allergic to it.

**"oh ok sure bye the way do you no were edowerd is" i inturestinglee qweshtined to the 3.**

**"wat dost thou want tavern wench?" edowerd sed to me costily as he came.**

Briar: Now, now, no need for harsh words.

Briar: The tavern girls are much more respectable than Rebecca.

**I wantd to maek edowerd feel bad so i began to cry faek teers. He thught that the teers wer becuz of my undyeing regriet but it wuz actuly becuz i realy hated to se that stoopid fuickers faece. I mean juda fucking dammit i shuld hav just choped of his you-no-wat when i wuz baeck in da boys lockor rum.**

Asahi: Why does _anyone_ find her attractive? She is the most unpleasant person I’ve ever read about!

Asahi: Edward you can do so much better!

**"You wild motha fucker edowerd appearin! Yo cauzin hela drama n shit nigga" chocoluv angrilee sed waving his vyles around!**

**"Edowerd" i stated as i wuz faek crying "I wanted ot say that im soree for screeming at you earlyer but ur jsut so meen!" i lyed unanimusly.**

Briar: You accused him of being a traitor because he admitted he’d like to have sex with you, his girlfriend.

Briar: You’re in no way mentally sound.

**I kept crying and den everyune in the rum got supa pised at edowud. Jacob luked liek he wuz abut to chop of edowerds hed with his ax. Edowerd luked relly sad and den he sied and fround.**

Cherry: An everyone is takin _her_ side?

Cherry: Wait, I shouldn’t even be surprised.

**"watever i forgive you" i sed. Then he luked hapy and edowerd jacub and me al went to the prinsipuls offise so that we culd finaly get out of the fuckign scool.**

Asahi: What happened to “ _Rebecca is the only one who can do this!”_?

Asahi: Ah, right, pointless love triangle.

**Chapter 21 – vs prinsipul**

Briar: I guess we know who’s dying this chapter.

**The run to the prinsipals ofise was very diffcult. We had to run over seven bodys every tiem we turned down the hals. Edowerd wuz glarring at jakub the entier tiem probably becuz jacub haz super fucking hot abes and edowerd was jellus liek the major fuocking biotch that he is.**

Cherry: I swear, if Rebecca actually gets back together with Edward after treatin him like this, Imma be so angry.

Briar: At this point, there’s nothing she can do in this story that won’t anger us further.

**But that doesnt mater becuz we wer at the prinsipuls rum and then we prepard to saev the scool. Edowird unshowd his nails and jakub got his ax ready and i tuk out my shotgun and catana.**

Asahi: I’ve to respect her for being able to wield a two-handed sword _and_ a shotgun at once.

**We entered the dur and then we saw the rum. The prinsipul wuz behind his desk starting evilly at things. He was baled and luked older then my dade. He hade a big red butin on hsi desk wich i culd tel was maed out of maypull trees. Wen he saw us he got up and loked rally scrary!**

**"WHAT THE FUOCK DO YOU FUOCKERS WANT!?" he scremed luodlee!**

Cherry: I assume that when ya scream, it’s loud.

**"we are heer to put an end to this madnes" i scremed. I poynted my shoutgun at the biotch and then shooted the gun at him! He fel ovar blooding everwer on the flur.**

Briar: _Why_ did you kill the principle? You literally had no reason to!

Asahi: And here I thought her murdering Charlie was the most pointless of her violence, this takes the cake. Guy just stood up and yelled and he gets killed.

**"is he doth dedeth?" inkwiyured edowerd**

**"NO OF COURS NOT!" Prinsipul scremed amasignlee! He got up frum the grund and then got back in his chare!**

Asahi: I stand corrected. Guy is able to tank a shotgun shot from close range. Impressive.

**"but how are you not ded!?" ased jacobo!**

**"I AM A VAMPIOR SLAYOR YOU PATETIC DUNSES"**

Cherry: That… doesn’t explain how ya tanked a shotgun blast.

**and then the prinsipul tuk out a steak and a jar of holee water! Then he juped the desk and begin to try and staek edowrd in the faec. He wuz realy fast! If i wuznt expeerynced in combat frum al of the violinse today i wuldnt hav ben abul to folow him but i did anyways!**

Briar: Because it only takes one day of violence to be a pro fighter. Never mind the months or years of training that you’d need.

**I atakcd him four tiems with my sord but he demoted the atac every tiem! He made a big circul with his body and centerd the atack on edowerd! But lukilee Jakub used his ax with grate atack at the prinsipul and hit the prinsipul off edowird.**

Asahi: I’m trying to follow this, but the mental image I get is just them moving about like idiots.

Asahi: Which is actually probably rather accurate.

**"YOU MISERABULL IDIETS!" the prinsipul shouteded! Then he throo the holee water at edowird but he dodjed fastlee the atac! Insted jakub got hit and then he was coverd in bunrs and scabs!**

**"OHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUCLK" scremed jakub as the holee watur burnd his purfict beyutiful hot sexay skin.**

Cherry: Ah…yeah…no…

Briar: In no incarnation are werewolves harmed by holy water. Jacob should be perfectly fine.

**"SHIT SHTI SHIT SHIT" he kept scremeng as he bunred! I was so fuocking infurriatd. How daer he hrut JACUB!?**

Asahi: “Only I can hurt my men!”

**I tuk out my catana and struke Prinsipul in dedlee combat! I swun my sord at him 1 2 tiems but he jupmed sevural feete in the aer and clung to the seeling! Then edowrd juped for HIM! But it was a false becuz Prinsipul was so strong!**

Cherry: The principle just a spider or somethin now? Clinging to the ceilin’ like that?

**"YOU INFERIER NITWITS" Prinsipal was strong he toke edowerds arm mid flite and then threw edowedr thru his desk braking it! Then prinsipal dropped on toop of edowerd!**

**"THOU ISTETH DOTH A FUCKERETH" scramed edowerd as prinsipul snaped his neck!**

Asahi: Eh. He’s in a better place.

Cherry: Yeah, even after all these chapters, can’t bring myself to really care for ‘im.

**Even tho i haet that fuocking rapist basturd**

Briar: He never _raped_ you. He never _harassed_ you. He was your talking doormat.

**I stil felt bad becuz nobuddy dezervs that kind of treetmint.**

Asahi: Unless your Bella.

**Then he threw edowerd thru the wal and into another rum! "DOTH WENCH!"**

**"GOD FUOCING DAMMIT EDOWERD STOP DYEING ON ME!" I scremed! He got out a steak and began to stalc edowerd as he was recumpensing frum the strugul but NO! becuz then i throo the catana rite thru Prinsipal's stomick wit al my mite!**

Cherry: Of course ya did.

Cherry: An everyone clapped, didn’t they?

**"AH! AH! AH! AHHHHH!" Prinsipul scramed as he fel back. As he was faling i ran up to him and stabed him agin and agin 78 tiems.**

Asahi: Talk about excessive.

**I wuz so extreem becuz he had alsmot kiled edowrd and jakub. Then i throo the prinsipul across the rum and put my catan away. I ran ovar to that dying fucker.**

**"Why did you do this" I aksed him. "We jsut wanted to help the students."**

Briar: “Because you fucking shot me out of the blue, you bitch!”

**"The biotch esmay wuz goign to kil me anywayz for faeling! I thught that i culd kil edowrd who ive alwayz nown was a vampoire!"**

**"then you deserve this you fucker" i sed as i shout my shotgun into him. Then i did it agin and agin and a furth tiem (this last one in the hed) jsut to maek sure he wuldnt cum back and try to raep or stabe me.**

Asahi: Rebecca, listen. I know this is hard to swallow, but; no one wants to rape you. In fact, no one wants to even touch you. You’re just that unpleasant to be around.

**Blud wuz everywer. I had kiled the prinsipal. I didnt waent to do that but i haed to. He wuz so violenta he culd hav kiled sumone.**

Cherry: Hrrrmm!!!

Cherry: Pot. It’s Kettle. You’re black.

**Anywzys I put the vial into the aer condishiner and then the antivirus stated spreding thrughout teh scool.**

Asahi: Hooray.

Asahi: Everyone would have been better off dead, but we can’t win them all, can we?

**Chapter 22 – Escaep**

**The vyle wuz in the aer cundishener and then the condishiner was spreding thru the vents.**

Briar: I’m impressed the vents can withstand something so big and undoubtedly heavy going through them.

**I culd smel the antydote efecting everyune in the scool. I think that savign evereeone heer wuz an akt of redempshin for kiling the prinsipal. I rally felt bed abut that becuz**

Cherry: Because…?

Asahi: It’s redemption for killing the principle. But what about your redemption for killing Charlie? Or for abusing Bella?

**"jakub are youu okay!?" i scremed wile runingn ovar to his scabee bodee.**

**"What the fuock do u think" he sed. He was sexily coverd in brewzes.**

Briar: Bruises and burn marks are two very different things. Trust me. I know.

**"let me help you with my beyutiful signign voyse" i sed as i begin to sung beyutifuly at him. I sung born dis way by ladee gaga.**

Cherry: The sound was like nails on a chalk board. Ears began bleedin, glass cracked, a bird outside the window died from the sound. Jacobs burns got worse.

**Sudenlee jakub got up frum the grund his scabes faling off. Then sudenlee his hare began to turn bloo. His eies met mien an then i instatelee new wat i wuz in for.**

Asahi: His hair turned _blue_?

**"Rebeca i new i did the rite thing when i decidd to sav you" he sed dreemilee. Then he fel on toop of me and we began to kis litelee. It wuz so perfect. Then edowerd got up and luked at us and then powted and the left becuz hes nothing but a jellis biotch.**

Briar: I swear, if they have sex…

**"yo homie wats up" tanishanqua sed as she and alicia and mr chocoluv enterd the rum. But i wuz stil kiding jakub so then they stoped. "yo that bitch crayyyy" tasniahshanqua sed as she and alicea and Mr chovoluv left the rum. Then rosalee caem into the rum.**

Asahi: I want some rum.

Cherry: Same.

**"normalee id fuock u up biotch but u did okay today so il let u off the hook." She sed, puting her guns away. She had onlee 1 bullit hole on her chest meening that she kiled a LOT of coips today. Poor copis.**

Cherry: How dare the cops stand up against a queen?

**Enyways for unce i wuz so happee that i didnt even get angree i jsut smiled and basked in hapiniss.**

**"jakub" i asked**

**"yes" he sed, holdign me**

**"does tihs mean that weer together now?" i asked**

**"mmhmm" he sed kising my forehed as the sun set.**

Briar: So yesterday she was all over Edward. Today she’s all over Jacob. Is she going to be all over someone else tomorrow?

Asahi: Probably.

**Chapter 23 – The house**

**So after we left scool all fiev of us (not mr chocoluv he cant leave the scool sincs hes a teachor) went to my hose to get rid of the evidense.**

Cherry: Since when do teachers live at the school? He’s allowed a life outside it, ya know.

**Tasniahshanqua was on my rite Jakub was also on my rite Alicia and Edowerd were on my left. We got to my huose.**

Asahi: Because where they are in position to you is that important.

Asahi: Not.

**"are you sure you want to do this" i edowerd asked me.**

**"yes i am sure" i sed lukign over into jakubs eies. I new that i had to atoen for my sins just liek judah wuld want me to do.**

Briar: Is she actually going to atone?

Cherry: Answer is no.

**This was the first step in doing it. I tuk a pieces of wud from the house and then lit it on fier. Then i throo the fitre into the house and it all began to burn down.**

Asahi: Look, you can’t just burn down your house to solve your problems. Now the police and firemen are going to flock to your house to investigate why it burned down.

Asahi: Really, you just made things worse for yourself.

**"Yo Moon where are you gonna live now?" Tanishashanqua asked politelee. I nodded my hed to her.**

**"she can cum live with us" alicia sed. I was happe becuz this wuld give me a chance to completd my misshin!**

Briar: And she hasn’t forgotten the mission. Surprisingly.

**I luked ovar to jakub who looked depressd becuz he didnt want me near that fuocking sick motherfocker edowerd but i new what i had to do.**

Cherry: Edwards done nothin’ wrong! You asked him a question an he answered! All this did was make him think he can’t be honest with you.

**"yeah sure that wrks" i told her faking a smile. I wuldnt mind living with alicia even when she drug deeled but living wiht edowerd was going to be realy awkwurd.**

Asahi: Yes, your one-day boyfriend is so awkward to be around.

**Then i saw sumone wakjing toewrds us fiev. Her name was Claritee Etude Simphonia [AN: SHE IS BASD OF MY FIEND CHELSEE!] but we jsut caled her Krystal becuz looking into her eies it was like looking into cristals.**

Asahi: Of course. Just what we needed; more OCs.

**Krystel is one of my best frends she was kidnaped when she was born by the Vulture**

Briar: So vultures kidnap people now instead of just eating corpses. Good to know.

**who then rased her to be evil and they kiled her mother and father and her uncles and ants comitd suiside becuz they wer so depresed like major fuokcing retards. Then she escaepd but she becam a vampire becuz of it so now she lives in forks.**

Asahi: Forks is just the hub for every plot-convenient thing and person, isn’t it?

**Sumtiems she stil remembers it but its okay. She wants venge on the Vulturi becuz they are ashoes.**

Cherry: Understandably so.

**"hi rebecca how is everting today" she asked but then she saw my hose burnign down so then she screemed "WHAT THE FOUCK WHO DID THIS". She got out a gun wich maed alicia get out her gun and maed edowerd get out his nales and make jakub get out his ax. (Tanishashanqua also got a gun out becuz alicia had given her one earlyr to defend hersefl).**

Asahi: Now shoot each other.

Asahi: If this works out, only Tanishashanqua will survive.

**"its okay dont woree we have a plan" i told her stayig calm. She was assurd of my intelijence and then she smiled.**

Cherry: What intelligence?

**"rebecca who is that major fucking hotty!?" she asked me giggling. I giggled to. I whispered into her ear.**

**"weer totalee going out isnt it awsome!?"**

**"you go girl!" she sed and then high fived me and then left.**

Briar: If we’re lucky, we won’t see her again.

Asahi: We can only hope.

**But her leeving maed me really sad and I didn't no why. Then i luked to my house wich was burning down and i began to fell bad. Why culdnt I be a normal gurl like Krystal?**

Cherry: Pfft. You call _her_ normal? Ya even read the backstory ya gave her?

**Why do I haev to be chased by fucking rappers everywhere i go and and why did i allways haev to live this kind of life!?**

Asahi: Raps not _that_ bad.

**I DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THIS SHIT WHAT THE FOUCK!?**

Briar: It’s called karma. You’ve done a lot to get some very bad karma.

**"Rebecca is sumthing rong" sexily asked jakub as he caressed over to me, regarding me shroedlee. He huged me in front of everyone but it had no effect.**

Asahi: Careful, man. She might stab you in the dick for touching her. And then call you a rapist.

**"Everything so fo unfare!" i scremed to him angrilee. "Why cant i just be plane like the rest of the wurld and pepul heer!? Im too gud at things and i kepe having pepul fal in luv with me! ITS A FUOCKING CURS JAKUB HELP ME BRAKE IT!"**

Cherry: Wow! I’m getting’ major _My Immortal_ vibes from that one!

Cherry: An correction; you aint good at shit.

**I wus crying now becuz to be honest i was foucking sick of this lie f.**

Asahi: Then you can always kill yourself.

Cherry: That’s a bit harsh.

Asahi: Just listing the options.

**"dere dere its okay" alicai sed pating my back as the hose funishd burning down. She always new what to say to cheer me up wich was gud. "lets go back to my palce and get sum taco bell okay" she sed.**

**"I FUOCKING HATE TACO BEL ITS NOT ENVIYORMENTALY SAEF" I sed crying**

Cherry: I take back what said, Asahi. You’re right.

**"okay den" she sed and we went off to get sum vegan orgaenik fud and then go to Edowerds house. [AN: EET ORGAENIC ITS WAY BETTER FOR THE ENVIYOURMINT THEN FAST FUD!]**

Cherry: Meat is organic. Lettuce is organic, cheese is organic. You can’t convince me otherwise.

**AN:**

**_im not even replying to the flaems anymoar becuz honestlee you guys are fuockers who are stating hurt my feelings just LEEV ME ALOEN IF YOU DONT LIEK IT JUST FUOCK YOU FUOCKERS I CAENT STAND YOU ASDAJSLDKFSD_ **

Asahi: You brought it on yourself by ignoring every piece of advice you were given. You were told to improve your spelling. If anything it’s gotten worse. You’ve been told your storytelling was bad. You let it get worse. And then you blame and whine and cry.

Asahi: No wonder people are attacking this.

Cherry: Bah!

Cherry: All this readin’ and complain’ got me hungry. I’m hitting the snack bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we've only one chapter left until we wrap up "Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin". I hope you guys enjoyed. Leave a comment and let me know what you thought, be it what you liked or what you think I could do to improve. I'm not TwilightRova, I'm not going to bite you for giving me some advice.


	4. Story Two: Fuck High; School For Furries And Drug Lords (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale to the thrilling story of Rebecca Swansin. It ends as it began, making absolutely no sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to take last week off for personal reasons, thus why this story was a bit delayed. It's a fairly long chapter, but a lot of these ones are. As always, hope you enjoy and please do let me know what you thought.
> 
> I want to point out I've also made a Tumblr for this fic; the-theater.tumblr.com. On there I will be uploading all of these chapters, but I also will be listing information such as the various "Protagonists" of each story, our three hosts, and answering any questions people have. So please do feel free to check it out.

**chapter 24 the new villain**

Asahi: You’re adding a third villain before you solve any of your other villain problems?

**_AN: I did some artwurk for rebecca enjoi it! tel me wat u think abut it!_ **

Briar: I am thankful that we don’t see the artwork. I know nothing of your art skill, but I don’t want the mental image I have of Rebecca to be shattered.

**I got the estate which I looked at. It was a freaking beautiful shade of blue which reminded me of a cloudless summers day [AN: REBECCA IS SMART SHE READ SHAKESPEARE].**

Cherry: Cloudless summers day has nothin’ to do with intelligence, literally anyone can relate a shade of blue to a time of year.

Asahi: Is she trying to reference A Midsummers Night Dream? Not really my _favorite_ when it comes to Shakespeare.

**I smiled on the side contordedly. I stood agast because the sight was so great to see!**

Briar: I don’t think “Aghast” is the right word to use in this context, unless you really are horrified by the house.

**The walls of the estate were red because the Collins love blood and really tall to ward off Mexicans.**

Asahi: Racism. Nice.

Cherry: Didn’t ya just say that it was a “beautiful shade of blue”?

**Finally we entered the compownd through the gates and we saw the house. It was at least 10 times bigger than my own house (before it burned down). I felt a ping of sadness growing expectantly in my heart from the void where I lost my house. But I had to go on and do good things to make up for my past sins.**

Briar: At least you’re trying to do good.

Asahi: Trust me, that ‘I must do good things’ bit will stop as soon as Bella shows up.

**I saw a homeless person on my right as we enterd. Determined to do good I have him money so that he could start a new life. It was a lot of money. Trust me.**

Cherry: Thought their house was s’possed to be secluded. Ya know? Give em the privacy to be who they are an away from prying eyes. So why’s a homeless dude all the way over there?

**Anyways then we went into the hose but then we went right back out to see Edowerd's gazeebo.**

**"This is the Gazebo" edowrd said pointing at the gazebo.**

Asahi: And this is the Department of Redundancy Department.

**It was a huge gazeebo outside near the beyutiful flowers. It was cloudy and sunny through the parts of the sky that weren't cloudy.**

Cherry: So is it cloudy or not?

**A single beam of light appeard and glinted down on me. It was simbolic of me being a gud person deep down [AN: STOP HATING ON REBEKA SHES NOT A BAD PURSON SHES ACSHUALLY MISUNDERSTUD!].**

Briar: Ah, no. No, she’s not a good person.

Asahi: That’s just God focusing in on her so that he doesn’t miss when he brings down the meteor.

**"It is a nice Gazebo!" I said happily but falsely. What edowerd didn't know is that I was starting to forgive him for his trespasses against me.**

Cherry: Edward did nothin’ wrong!

**Then we went inside the gazebo. It had beautiful Roman and Greek arcitecture which assured me of the Collin's wealth.**

Briar: I’m noticing that she really likes to use the word ‘Assured’.

Asahi: Huh, now that you mention it, it is overused a lot.

**"Now let's see the house" Alicica said. We walked past the drug lab were Alicia made her gods when she wasn't at school.**

Cherry: Why struggle to find a God when ya can make one in your own basement?

**Ever since she invented a cure for aids she was richer than anyone could ever imagine.**

Asahi: She cured AIDS? Huh, that’s actually a really good thing. I’m glad. Though I’m worried she’s overcharging for it like America does for EpiPens.

Briar: Kind of…specific.

Asahi: Just a jarring example of American greed. An EpiPen costs over six-hundred dollars over in Cherry’s country. Here in Japan? Eight-thousand yen—er, that’s about… seventy-four dollars or so.

Cherry: Yeah… kind of a big price gap.

**We went inside the Collins hose. It was HUGE. It had a TV and a kitchen and a table and everything.**

Briar: As opposed to houses that don’t have a table or kitchen.

**Then Alice took me up to her bedroom and gave me new clothes as she prepared her rum for having 2 people.**

Asahi: Except she shares her room with Jasper, her boyfriend/husband. So really, we’re looking at her preparing her room to have three people.

**Edowerd and jakub couldn't cum up because their boys and boys shouldn't be in girls rums [AN: you here that you sickos].**

Briar: But Jasper, her husband, is an exception.

**Anyways Alicia gave me a pink turtleneck with sleeves to the hands and a red catholic schoolgirl miniskirt and black pantyhose. It looked so god with my purple raven hare with golden streaks.**

Cherry: She got to mention the rabbit every time?

Asahi: I feel bad for it, Rebecca dyed it’s fur and then painted a gold streak through it.

**Tanishashanqua also equips something like that she had a white dress shirt with blue kaki jeans with shoes. Alicia stilt kept on her drug dealer uniform. After that we all made fiendship bracelets so that we would know that we would never abandoned one another ever agin.**

Briar: Give it a few chapters.

Asahi: I find it amusing that Tanishashanqua and Alicia got a single sentence each for their clothes.

**"Yo homie this shit be gold" tanishashanqua seed happily.**

**"Okay guys let's see the rest of the house" I said. If it weren't for me reminding everyone of everything we would never get places on time.**

Cherry: Actin’ like yer friends are dumb, that aint a ‘good person’ thing.

**Then Alice showed us the Bathroom on the basement floor. There was also a winery and a gym and a basketball curt.**

Briar: That’s a big basement.

Cherry: Ya get drunk out of your mind, an then ya play some basketball.

**Then on the middle basement floor there was a secret passage to the Armory. Then Alice showed us the dungeon.**

Asahi: They have an armory _and_ a dungeon? This is _Sims_ level of basement design.

**"Guys don't let Esme know that I showed you this" Alice said qualitly. We all shook our heads in assumption so she would know that we wouldn't betray.**

Briar: ‘Assumption’ isn’t quite the word you’re looking for.

Asahi: I think you’re trying for ‘assured’ again.

**Then we saw the videoguming rum. It was nice and big. Then I saw EDowerd's piano. Rossey's room had lots of guns and ammo and grenades. Alicia's room had lots of pink.**

Cherry: Ya coulda just used the wiki to know what the house was like instead of makin’ up shit.

Cherry: Though, Rosalie’s room sounds awesome.

**"This doth be Emmets Roometh" Edowerd sed as we entered Emmet's rum. It was dark with pink stripes. Emmet was listening to Lady Gage's "Born this way". I would have moshed with him to the music but only fucking stupid Goths and emo shits mosh. So instead we all danced normally.**

Asahi: Ah, insulting goths and emos. Still proving that you’re not a good person.

**But suddenly there was a HUGE FUCKING NOISE from the front of the house!**

**"OPEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS" said the door!**

Briar: “How about we don’t!” the wall retorted.

**"SHIT! THE COPS!" Alicia said as she got her gun out.**

**"No wait let me talk to them" Jacobo said. Then he took off his shirt and opened the door. There were two more cops.**

Cherry: Shirtless Jacob, surefire way to get rid of all cops.

**"Hello Rebecca. We are here to say sorry. We couldn't find Chadley's murderer. We thought that there might be evidence in the murder sene but now the Murder Scene has been burned down! Do you know who did it?" They asked.**

Asahi: The culprit for both is Rebecca.

**Jakub nodded towards me. I remember that before he said it was okay to do bad things but only if they were for good reasons. So I lied.**

**"It was esme." I said. Edowerd and Tanishashanqua and Alicia and Jacob all nodded chalantly.**

Briar: You know I don’t quite understand why Esme is getting such hate. It’s nothing compared to the hate Bella gets, but Esme was a genuinely nice person for the most part.

**"Bitch please" Someone who looked like Esme said as she went into the room. Then she took out a knife and stabbed the two cops and then ate them. It was... ESME!**

Cherry: So the chick who looked like Esme and ate the cops really was Esme. Shocker.

**Esme was standing there all eviliy and everything. She was dressed in a business women's suit and was easily taller than jakub. She had a black dress on too.**

Asahi: Is she wearing a dress or a business suit?

Briar: She’s wearing the dress over the suit, maybe?

**She had dark golden hair which went down to her back and also had leopard highlights. Her front tooth was missing but we didn't bring it up. Not even Rosalie because even Rosalie was afrade of that mega fuckking egotistical biotch Esme.**

Cherry: Seriously, what did Esme do wrong here? She’s a nice person.

**"By the way you bitches all need to go back to school tommorrow." Esme sed.**

**"What!? Why!?" Alice asked**

**"Shit's fucked up yo. People be dead and shit." Tanishashanqua sed.**

Asahi: And whose fault is that?

**"Too bad you bitches. I'm the new prinsipul and I say that school goes back tomorrow. And I hired new teechors too." She sed, pointing at ME! "ALL TO GET YOU, REBECCA! MY ENEMY! I WILL KILL YOU BEFORE THE WEEK ENDS!" she warned super evily.**

Asahi: Are we ever going to get a reason for this want to kill Rebecca? Of course not.

Briar: I just assumed it was for revenge because of all the things Rebecca has done. To protect her family.

**"FUCK YOU BITCH" I sed. I almost attacked her with my katana but I stopped myself because we wuld need Rosalie to take down Esme and this wasn't a good time.**

Cherry: Also, Esme is a vampire an would fuck you up.

**"HAHAHA! YOU WISH BITCH!" she said! "BY THE WAY I HAVE HIRD THE VULTURE TO TEACH CLASSES!" she screamed! Then she jumped out the window and left!**

Briar: …Because the Volturi would happily stop their own work, their very important work as being the strongest and largest coven, and leave Italy to teach high school… all because you asked?

Asahi: Makes absolutely no sense.

**"Who the fuck are the vulture" Jakub.**

Cherry: Vultures are a type of food who eat dead animals.

**I knew the answer becausemy friend Claritee had gotten away from them as a kid. But i deicded to let Edowerd have a moment of intelligence before he acted like a stupid fucking bitch again.**

Asahi: And insulting Edward again. Really racking up those “Nice Girl” points.

**"They are the vampiores who have superpowers" Edowerd send as he came.**

Briar: …A lot of vampires have powers.

Briar: Actually, now that I think about it. What happened to the Cullens powers? I don’t remember any mention of Edwards mindreading powers, or Alice’s future vision.

**He was now in the room. "Do not worry Rebecca weeth caneth defeateth them." He salon said cleanly.**

**Then Jakub left but tanishashanqua didn't because she was sleeping over with us too. I deeply but silently wondered just what that fucking bitch esme meant when she said that she would kill me.**

Asahi: She means she will kill you. It’s not that deep.

**But then i stopped thinking and went to bed for the night.**

Cherry: You were thinkin’ in the first place?

**chapter 25 - Religin class**

Briar: Oh boy. Religion. Not a good sign.

**Today it was tiem to go to scool unce agin. I got out my new bead in alicias rum. I luked out the window were I saw that it was snowing outsied. Wich was werd because normally in furks it doesnt snow onlee rain.**

Asahi: That’s a fair point.

**I mean I caem to furks for the rain in the first place so why the fuock didn't it rain more often.**

Cherry: Not a fan of rain myself. I like it sunny and dry.

Briar: Agreed. Rain can be tedious. And it can make work all the harder.

**I shuke my hand at Judah in the sky before gettin dresed in my new outfit for scool. I equipd my anti raep catana and my shotgun in case I had to kil esme or jessie or vitorio or james.**

Asahi: At least Meowth is safe.

**Wen I got to the dur with Tanishashanqua and alice I saw edowerd and Jacob. Even tho it was snowing jakub didn't hav a shirt on so I got to see his fucking sexy hot indian abs. Judah fucking dammit I wanted to do him right here but it was fucking cold out so I didnt.**

Briar: And not because of your supposed vow of abstinence.

**"hi jakub" I sed to him sexily as I culd.**

**"hi Rebecca. You luk good today." He told me. then Jakub caem.**

Asahi: Gross.

**We then huged in front of everyune. He was so warm so I hung on ti hum as he ran to scool. Becuz hes a werewolf he has super speed he can just taek me places. Alicia and edowerd and tansishanqua had to taek the car tho but it was oaky they sped along the road next to us. I waved to Alicia as she drove.**

Briar: Vampires have superspeed, too. Or did you just forget all the vampires having any power besides immortality and blood-drinking?

**Jakub droped me on the ice wen we got to scool. Hes a werewolf so he goes to scool in an indian restarant.**

Asahi: I think him going to school on the reservation has more to do with him being Native American and less with him being a werewolf.

Asahi: Though that begs the question of why you keep having them go to school at Fucks High when you say they go to school at a “Resturant”.

**He left but onlee after litly kissing me goodbi. Wen I luked up he was gone. I frowned. Then I saw edowerd Alicia and Tanishashanqua all cum over together. Claritee was there too.**

Briar: Didn’t expect to see her again.

**"yo homie wats that" Tanishashanqua sed as she ponted her ring finger over at the scool bilding. The building was still smoky and brokin from when cops jumprfd though the windows and shot at everything.**

Cherry: Rude! Couldn’t even clean up first?

**There was stil blud on some of the walls and edowerd and Alicia started getting off on it. Tasnishashanqua and me both thought it was fucking weird.**

Briar: It’s extremely weird.

**Then Edowerd and me both luked shrewdlee at wat was happening. First there was a bunch of new students. One of them was a gai the other one was a gurl. both of them were obviuslee new. They were walking right towards us at fast speds.**

Asahi: If we’re lucky, they’ll run her over. But we’re not lucky.

**"hi my names Rebecca whtas yours" I asked the boy.**

Briar: The girl isn’t nearly as important.

**The boy was a mega ultra fucking hottie but I didn't get to see his abes so I didn't no if he was actualee hotter han jakub.**

Cherry: Sexualizing high schoolers. What a great thing to do.

**He was realy pail but not like that foucking sick transecual caspor.**

Briar: Barely into this and we’re back at it with the transphobia.

**He also had gorjus blue lipstick on. He was angry then shoked and finaly calm as he spuked up.**

**"I am zAlec" he sed. "this is my sistor she is Kane" he sed waving his arms arund at his sister. She was just liek him onlee with bubs and a vajayjay and no you-know-what.**

Asahi: Hello, Zalec and Kane.

Briar: You could have just said she looked like a feminine version of him.

**She had a pink corset on with a matching dress. she luked like mary antwonet except without the wig and without looking ugly.**

Cherry: Rude. I’m sure she was very beautiful.

**"well okay that's niec" I sed as edowerd tasniahsshanqua Alicia and me all went to religion class wich was the first class of the dayu. But then Zalec caem too becuz it turned out that he was aslo in the clas with us.**

Asahi: Run, Zalec, run while you still can.

**We weer going to religion class which was taught by Carliel who is a paster of the romin orthodoks crutch.**

Briar: Because Carlisle gave up a very well paying and noble job as a doctor to become a pastor and teacher.

Briar: At least Rosalie is still bringing in plenty of money to support a family of seven.

**Claritee kept looking at Alec the entire time and nobuddy paid any attenshin to that hag Jane.**

**"hello I am fathor carlye and this is religion class" sed carlyse the fucking gorjus fathor of the collins. Calisle was even older than edowerd and alicai combined wich was really fuocking old.**

Cherry: Fun fact. Jasper’s technically the second oldest. While Carlisle turned in the 1600’s, Jasper became a vamp in the 1860’s. An Edward only became a vampire in the early 1900’s.

Cherry: Long after the ‘doth’ an ‘thy’ went outta fashion

**Im not sure why but he didn't have an aksent and instead just spouke ina normal fucking sexy british accent. He also was pail. Wen calyse found god he become a fathor to spred the wurd of jesus crist to everybody.**

Briar: Can’t blame him for that. Perfectly normal.

**Normily scool wuldnt allows him to teech becuz of the amendment but becuz hes esmes husbando he can teech religion now.**

Asahi: A Religions class is not the same as religious teachings. An educational religions class tells you about religions from an academical point of view, not a spiritual one.

Asahi: So long as he isn’t trying to convert anyone and is objective, there’s no problem with a Religions class.

**I thught this was fuocking STUPID BECUZ RELIGION SHOULD BE FREE and I wantd to follo Judah and not the propped up fals god befor me.**

Cherry: I’m still just assumin’ Judah is who she thinks is the God of Judaism. An in that case, Judaism has the same God as Christianity.

**"Here verybudy taek a free bibul for class" he sed.**

**"NO FUOCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUOCKER" I SCREEMD as I tuk my anti raep catana and cut the bibul in haf. Then Carlyle gaev me a new bibul becuz he sed the lord had spaers so wen calyse told us to use the bibles I said no and riped mine in half and chuckd it out the window.**

Asahi: Destruction of a religious text. Another point for being a terrible person.

**"who can explain this verse" he asked politly. Then he pickd on Tanishashanqua becuz hes a rasist. "tell me tasnishashanqua why guns cant make noise in this verse" he pointed at the sun and got down and prayd as he asked the question.**

Briar: What has race to do with the question? And what do guns have to do with religion?

Asahi: Nothing at all.

**"gun cant sound motherfucker" Tanishashanqua began. "but neither can peace." She finished.**

Cherry: So deep. So beautiful.

**THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A NEW TEECHOR CAEM TO THE CLASS….. IT WAS ARROW!**

Asahi: Red Arrow or Green Arrow? It’s very important.

**Chapter 25 - the betrayal**

Briar: Okay, who admitted they wanted to sleep with Rebecca when she asks them this chapter?

**IT WAS ARROW! Arrow was a new teecher here at furks high ever sinc eseme becaem the new scool psinsipul becuz i had the kil the old one becuz he wuz evil and a vampior slayar.**

Cherry: Yet he didn’t do anything evil. He just stood up an ya murdered him.

**But then i stoped and luked out the window away from hi mand carlisle becuz i thought i saw something in the grass outsied.**

Asahi: Such an alert attention span.

**But it was just a boyd. Watever then i luked back and arrow had ogtten up n the table wich fathor carlisle was supposed to be on. He kickd all the bibuls off becuz he realizes that criteenity is fuocking stupid and that judah is the way to go i hopped.**

Briar: Look. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in Gods, I think they’re just stories made up to bring comfort and help guide their morality. But I do believe in respecting what others believe in.

Briar: So in short, it’s very distasteful what’s going on right now.

**"what the fuck is he doing motherfuocker" tanishahsnqua asked me. Then clarity cum to us and told us something.**

**"im not sure but hes the new lootenant of the scool polise" she sed.**

Asahi: Do schools in America have police?

Cherry: We have resource officers, but they’re not a mini military.

**I noded caerfuly. Clarity had fund out about my secret lately. She new that i kiled chadley but she also new that i didnt really meen it and that he understood me and that i was atoneing for my actions now.**

Briar: She just has a very loose definition of atonement.

Asahi: How do you not ‘mean it’? You went all out in killing him.

**i luked into her cristel like eys and new that i had a feind forever with her.**

**"WHAT THE FUOCK" cristal shouted when she saw arro who is a meember of the vulture.**

Cherry: Don’t scream, he’ll notice you!

**The vulture killed her parents when she was yung. Now she is a vampire becuz of them. I wuld fele bad but clarity just wont get over it so wtf am i suposed to say to someone whos complaing abut their deed parents for the millinth time for yeers.**

Asahi: Being an insensitive friend. Another point for you.

Cherry: Ya don’t just ‘get over’ your parents being murdered and you being turned into a vampire.

**I meen my parents lucked me in a basement for yeers but u dont see me telling peepul.**

Briar: Ah, the obligatory bad childhood. Wondered when we’d get to that.

**Anyways arrow opene his muth and out caem words.**

**"I AM HEER TO ANUNCE THAT dERE WILL BE A DANSE THIS CUMING FRIDAY NITE AND UR ALL INVITED!" arrow sed from the ceeling wich he had climbed up to sins hes a volture!**

Cherry: Weird power move, but okay.

**"BUT IF U DUNT CUM ULL FAIL RELIGION!" he sed evilly! "AND IF U DONT HAV A DAET U CANT CUM EETHER! AHAHAHAHA!" He sed before he turend into a bat and left the classrum.**

Briar: Way to keep your vampirism a secret.

Cherry: Damn, now we’re _required_ to attend school dances? That sucks!

**Then class was over becuz father calisly had to give bat the chase becuz it actualee was arrow. Clarity Edoward Alicai Tanishashanqua Salec me and the hag Jane all waked down the hals togethur.**

Asahi: Is Jane the new Bella? Because I feel bad for her.

**"hey rebeca hu won the elecshin" asked alicai. "i voted for u even tho rosalies my sis dont tell her or ill fuck u up" she sed quietlee. I noded my hed.**

Briar: What have you done, Alicia? You’ve doomed us all.

**"um i no" sed Alex hu was a quite small boy hu was beyutiful. "it wil be anunced at the danse" he sed**

**"how do you no that" tanishashanqua sed**

**"arrow is... MY FATHOR!" he reveeled and then grabed that fuocking bitch ane's arm and ran down the hal.**

Cherry: Yes, but no.

Asahi: I guess if he turned Jane and Alec, he could be considered a father.

**But when he was running jane let go and aciduntly steped in rosey's peth wich rosey didn't liek. But rossey thinks shes go grate she let hur of with a warning.**

**"bitch dunt do that agin" she sed and dicked her gun.**

Asahi: That sounds uncomfortable.

**"wtf rebecca u hav a posse now u miseryabull cunt" i luked it and it was bella hu luked haf emo and haf skanc. She had white fishnte stalkings and a black waste belt and upsieddown hipster glaosses. She had a blacke and gray flannel top on too wich was why she was so emo.**

Cherry: Bella, no. No, please, you don’t want to be here.

**Then al of a suden ALEC CAEM BACK!**

**"wtf do u want ho" i asked but then remebered to be gud to repeent "im sorry, i mean wat is it". Claritee and alicai saw how hurd it was for me to be niace to that fuocking biotch so they smieled at me.**

Asahi: Wow, she actually apologized to Bella. I am impressed.

Asahi: I will take one, just _one_ point from your bad behavior tally.

**"i jsut want to tell u that you suck. And stink. And can go fuock an elephent." Then she turned and walked away. This is the fuocking thanks i get for hepling to protekt her from angela yesterday god fuocking dammit.**

Briar: Protect? You tried to frame her for the murder of her father, the murder you did, you tied her up in a bathroom stall,

Briar: When you thought Angela was after you, you said, and I quote; "NO GETBELLA SHES TYED UP". Then you were glad when Angela went after Bella instead of you.

**I waentd to cry becuz angela hadnt kiled her but then i stoped and went insied my mind and smacked my inner biotch and told her to stop being suoch a biotch.**

Asahi: That doesn’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried.

**"who is that gurl" alec sed starrily.**

**"shes bella shes a biotch" i sed.**

**"shes beyutiful" he sed dreemilee.**

Asahi: Thank you. Yes, she is. Thank you for noticing.

**I culdnt staend the thught of him lusting ofter such a fuocking hore so i decided to set him strate.**

**"no u don't want to get involved with her. Right edowerd?" i asked.**

**"yes milday doth not wanteth toeth get involvedeth with that ho" he concluded poste hayste. But then in the moment jane saw everyting going on.**

Cherry: Guys, just let him be with Bella. Stop involvin’ yourselves with other peoples lives.

**"WHATS RONG WITH U AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH ?!" she asked wile crying. It was disgusting becuz snot and teers wer runingn down her faec. Then she ran off into the girls bathrum so alicai claritee me and tanishashanqua folowed her wile edowerd went to go beet up dalec for being such a doosh.**

Briar: But he didn’t do anything wrong but say Bella is beautiful? What? Do they want him to romanticize his own sister?

**"girl dont worry ur beyutiful" alicai pated jahne on the back caerfully.**

**"yeah if he cant see your beyuty then hes not good enuff for you in the first place" i told her.**

Asahi: …He’s her _brother_.

**I felt good. Then i realized. Being good feels good. Maybe this was something i culd do afterall.**

Cherry: You can be good. But _will_ you? Probs not.

**I was goign to be a better persun and leaf the lief of sin ive been folowing behind me. I went over to the last stal and there was a homeless person in it. I gave them som money. Then i gav him a poptart. It felt good!**

Briar: …Why is there a homeless person just hiding in the school bathroom?

**But then it was tiem for gim so we al had to go to class. We were playging dodjhal wich is a fun game were you hav to dodje shit that peepul are throwgin at you. Becuz of all my combat experiunce it was easy for me.**

Asahi: Your combat experience is boiled down to you being saved by everyone and stabbing people for no reason.

**That whore bella was on the other team along with clairy. When she wuznt looking clarity pushed her and she fell down and got hit 15 tiems by everune on our ttem.**

Briar: Rude.

Asahi: And that point I took away for apologizing to Bella? It’s back and doubled.

**Then the other teem god angry and throo shit at bela. I laughed so hard that i though i wuld pee myself but i wuldnt in public so fuock u.**

Asahi: Tripled.

Cherry: She’s gonna have a few dozen points when its over.

**As the gaem was almost ovar edowerd was hit so hard that he went thru the wall... It was CASPOR i meen CASMINE the transeccual boy! [AN: NASPER WENTS TO BE CALD JASMIN BECUS HE FELS MORE FEMINEN]**

Briar: More power to her.

Cherry: Jasmine’s a pretty name. She’ll be a beautiful woman.

**he hade thrown a hal so fast it broke eodwrds spien twice.**

Asahi: Nice. Good job, Jasmine.

**But then anya the bold stud up and cawt the ball! She was so beyutiful and fast and gud at editing. [AN: ANYA THIS IS U!]**

Briar: Aaah, she has a new editor.

Briar: I wonder how long she will last.

**she thrw a keyboard at bella and bella went ot the hospitul.**

Cherry: A _keyboard_?! The hell?

**Then i saw emmet. I went up to him and asked him how the gay thing was. It must be haerd not being with the une u luv becuz if he was with seth then saths family of wolves wuld exile the too and familee is all sath has sins his fathor dyed yesterdae.**

Asahi: If you love someone enough, and if your family can’t approve of your love, then you’re better off without your family. Emmett and Seth would be better together if they are truly in love, and they shouldn’t care what the people around them think.

**Anywasy then we won the gaem but lost the match becuz they trid to make us go outsied and sins most of our teem is vampiors they culdnt play. So it was me and anya. We tried but there wer too many. 16 acshually.**

Briar: I’m just imagining that Rebecca got hit with so many balls she’s a walking bruise.

Cherry: I love that image.

**Anyways then we went to our next class but first i waented lunch so i skiped and evryon caem with me...**

Asahi: Considering the principle wants you dead, you shouldn’t be skipping.

**I wuz going to the bathrum were i hade fught angela to a draw and then helped to beet her when suddenly edowerd apperd!**

Briar: We read the story, Rebecca. We know that’s not what happened.

**"EDOWERD WHAT THE FUOCK" i asked! this was the WOMINS bathrum!**

**"doth engaegeth in sex" he sed forsing himsefl on me! OH NO! WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO!?**

Asahi: Wow. Edward that’s a bit forward.

Cherry: Yikes. Big yikes.

**chapter 27 - the hospital bathroom**

Asahi: It is mildly triggering every time she brings up how this school doubles as the town hospital.

Asahi: And now we have to specify that she’s not in the school-half’s bathroom, but in the _hospital-halfs_ bathroom.

Cherry: This school had best be havin’ some damn good biology classes an pre-med electives.

**Oh no! wat was i gunna do edowerd wuz cuming to me to moleest me?**

**"no stop edowerd i dun get ti" i sed crying.**

Briar: Her crying is actually completely justified.

Briar: It feels weird validating what she says and does, though.

**Why was edowerd tryign to do this to me? This was so fukced up!**

Asahi: Maybe he’s coming to rape you for the same reasons Seth did to Bella? By your logic, what he does is absolutely justified then, after all.

Cherry: I don’t wanna see ya acting like a whiny bitch about this after how ya treated Bella when she went through this.

**Teers wer runign down my face so quitlee and i wuz jsut so shoked. Edowerd tuk my rist and then throo me at the grund.**

Briar: Break her spine. Break her spine.

**"doth beeth a bitcheth" he sed and then smackd me.**

Asahi: Sorry, she’s incapable of not being one.

**Then he riped my shirt off.**

**"why are you doing this!?" i screemed at him. "STOP! WHY!?" He hit me agin, this time with his cleets [AN: EDOWERD IS ON THE SOCCUR TEEM].**

Cherry: He _hit_ her with his cleats? Not kicked her? What’d he do? Tear his shoes off an start smacking her in the face with em?

**Then i felt sumthing red sleeping down my forehed. It was BLUD! he must have brike skin when he hit! "shit" i sed.**

Asahi: It’s just a flesh wound.

**Edowerds eies turned all red andshit and then hey got huded. He luged after me but i got up and dodgd his atac.**

Briar: Because it’s easy dodging a vampire who has super speed and heightened reflexes.

**He culdnt be resened with in his stayte and i was scrayd. I tride to run for the dur but then he apered and slamed it. Then he punched me and i flew back into the mirors. As i hit them they explouded into a bilion trilion shrads and they went everwere. Sum of it hit my faec and i culd tel i wuld get a scar.**

Asahi: This is oddly cathartic. Seeing her actually get the crap beaten out of her. Not something you see often in these kinds of stories.

Cherry: I’m soakin’ as much of this as I can before she inevitably somehow beats him.

**"AAAAAAAAAH" i screemed!**

Briar: Alas, the bathroom was completely soundproof, and thus no one passing by in the halls could hear her screams and cries for help or the sounds of someone being beaten.

**He hit me so hrad i went thru the sink too! Then before i culd reakt he had thrown me thru eech bathrum stal one bai one. There were five in tottal.**

Asahi: I’m impressed she’s not broken her spine yet.

**Finaly tho he tripped up and so i ran up to him with my katana and smaked him with it. I didnt want to hurt him he wuz my frend at one point so insted i just taped him withit.**

Cherry: Emphasis on smacked. It’s not like you’d wanna cut the person beatin’ you up and tryin’ ta’ rape ya. No, that’d just be rude.

**He lost his frenzie and then luked at wat he did to the bathromo.**

**"doth fucketh" he sed and then before i new it he had sped out of the rum.**

Asahi: So, the cure for a frenzied vampire on a rampage is to tap them with a sword.

Asahi: As Edward said; the fuck?

**I new that i had to run and find alicai and tel her wat hapened. It was hard to run tho becuz blud was gushing down thru my foreheed and it wuz gettin in my eies.**

Briar: It has nothing to do with being thrown into a mirror, five bathroom stalls, and a sink resulting in broken bones and numerous bruises.

**As i ran down the hal i culdtn figur owt why edowerd did that to me. I meen i no ive dun bad things in the past but this wuz just out of cacater for edowerd.**

Cherry: Eeeeh… Maybe not the rape part, but ya definitely deserved the beatdown.

**But then i shruged it off until i fund tanishashanqua and alicia and Jacob who was there for lunch break**

Asahi: And Jacob is at their school and not the Indian restaurant he attends because…?

**"what the FUCK gurl are you okay!?" Tanishashanqua asked. she tuk a cleen rag [AN" CLEEN TO PREVENT INFECSHINS] owt of her purs and then wiped my forehed with it.**

Cherry: She’s honestly the most competent person here.

**"alicia get out of heer u wont be able to resist the blud" Jacob sed to her. She noded her hed smoothlee and then jumped up the roof and out of scool grunds.**

Briar: As you do when you’re leaving someplace.

**Jacob picked me up with tanisahshanquas help and they tuk me to the hospitul wing of the scool. Then i blaked out.**

**When i woke up jacub was there with me. I had a yellow bandij on my hed were my wund was. Tanishashanqua was there to, but she wuz sleepign becuz sh ewas tired.**

Asahi: Now be quiet, we don’t want to wake Tanishashanqua up.

**"rebecca u need to tell me what is the matter" jakub sed. "who did this to you. I want to help" he sed as he culd see me.**

**"it was edowedr he tried to raep me" I sed cheerliee**

Asahi: Weird thing to be cheerful about.

**but no then sadlee becuz i had the shit beetin out of my.**

Cherry: Ah, ya forgot ya ought to be sad bout that. Happens all the time.

**FUCK THAT EDOWEDR GODDAMIT.**

**"itll be okay i'll go take caer of him" jakub sed as he got his axe out of his pockit.**

Asahi: Are you tired of your belts constantly breaking when you hang your axes on them? How about the axe hitting people or the walls whenever you try to squeeze by people?

Cherry: Well, now ya don’t got to worry about any of that anymore! We’re here introducing the newest innovation in yer axeman lifestyle! The pocket-axe!

Asahi: When you’re tired of cutting down trees and killing vampires, you just fold it up and slip it right into your pocket. No more axe-idents.

Cherry: No more problems!

Asahi & Cherry: Buy yours today!

**Then he howled and turned into a fury and then juped out the window of the hospitul rum.**

Briar: Was he still carrying his axe?

Cherry: Aw the widdle wofly cawwied the axe in his widdle mouthy.

**I wuz glad that he wuz ther to support me. I wuld support him in my own speshal way in the futor.**

Asahi: “By stabbing him in the dick.”

**"fuck yu you cunt" i herd. I luked up. It was BELLA! She wuz the one in the hospitul bed to the side of mine! God fuocking dammit i thught to myself slylee.**

Briar: Bella, my favorite person, you’re okay!

**"what!? What the fuck doyou want bella!? Cant u just leev me alone!? JUDAH FUOCKING DAMMIT U WEER ALWAS SUCH A FUCKING BITCH TO ME I HATE YOU" i screemd in fuory. Uh oh. I was supoed to be gud.**

Cherry: Ya never been good.

**"thas hard to do when u do shit like KILL MY FUOCKING DAD YOU CUNT" she screemed even loudlier.**

Asahi: She has a very valid point.

Briar: Can’t argue with her reasoning.

**I gasped loudlee so that she culd understand my shouck.**

**"ur just jelus that chardly always luved me mora than you" i sed furiouslee!**

Cherry: An you repaid that love by killin’ him.

**She was so shucked that she culdnt even say anyting to that. Then she luked down an troddin. Wich ment that she new i was rite. Wich ment that i weon.**

Briar: Doesn’t justify the murder.

Asahi: We all know Charlie really loved Bella best, she’s just full of herself.

**I got up out of my bead and went to the hospitul rum bathrum. Y didnt this victoree feel gud tho?...**

Cherry: Oh, God!

Cherry: Are ya learning empathy?

**As i steped into the bathrum to go tinkle my combat sens tingld.**

Asahi: “Look mom, I can rhyme! Are you proud of me, now?”

**Sudenly i dodj roled out of the atac in the smal bachrum onlee to see... ANGELA THE VAMPIOR! She was back!**

Briar: Why do all these vampires love attacking girls in the bathroom? Edward did it once, and this is Angela’s third Bathroom Strike.

**And she had a new BLAK CATANA! And she had triedto kill ME WITH IT! I ran out of the bathroom at my ful potenshil and assumd fightign pose in frunt of bella.**

Asahi: Wait, are you attacking Bella? Defending Bella? Using Bella as a human shield?

**"shit motherfucker!" tanishashanqua screemed!**

Cherry: Oh, ya woke up to the fight, but not to Bella and Rebecca screamin at each other?

**She got out her gun and poiynted it at the biotch angela. We wer gonna protekt bellas lief and also my life. I new that it was heer that i wuld maek up for my sins and devowlee folo judahs plan.**

Briar: I can’t believe it.

Briar: They’re actually protecting Bella? _Bella_? Did someone replace Rebecca with a clone? A good clone?

Asahi: I don’t believe this is going to last, but I want it to.

**As angela the vampiore stuck out the bathroom we prepard!**

**"u evaded me twise so now yuo both shall DIE" angela screemed! Then she LUGED!**

Cherry: Oh, no! She luged! How will anyone survive?

**okay i no i sed that i wuld reply to ny reviows but srsly**

**_Jason Bartholomu 12/4/12 . chapter 16_ **

**_Do you even lift?_ **

**lift what i dunt get it what the fuock is rung with u pepul**

Cherry: Ya don’t get the most iconic an basic of memes? Disappointin’.

**chapter 28 - Rebecca & Bella vs Angela**

**Then she LUGED! I gasped wile tryign to deflekt angelas atack with my catana. She was very skiled but i think that i was more thern a match for her wile we were in the hospital rum.**

Asahi: No. No you’re not.

**"SHIT HOMIE GEDOWN" tanishashanqua SCREEMD as she usd her gun at angela. I was fsat enuf to dodge the bullits but if i hadnt bene then i wuld be ded.**

Cherry: Considerin’ how fast bullets move… that’s physically impossible.

**Angela didnt tho and she got shotted at leest 4 times in the neck. But she didnt say anything like i expected her to so it was werd. She jsut tryed to stab me and tanishashanqua and bella sum more so u no wat? Angelas a fuocking bitch.**

Asahi: Takes one to know one.

**Suddenly anya the bold ran in wile eeting cheetos and poptarts and luked at us but she was so scray by wat she saw that she ran out. [AN: ANYA GET UR AKT TOGETHUR UR SUPOSED TO BE EDITING NOT EATING CHEETOS U FATTI]**

Briar: That’s one way to chase away your editors.

Asahi: I’m surprised it took this long before she lashed at her. I can assume that after this chapter she won’t be editing for you anymore.

**but then angela threw her sword like a boomeragn and it cut off anya the bolds arm so TAEK THAT U CAN GET UR ARM BAECK WHEN U START WURKING AGAIN!**

Cherry: Yeah, no one in their right mind’s gonna deal with you when ya do shit like that.

**"Bella u need to get out of here we caent hold her off for loung!" i sed wile trying to be a gud person. It was hard to prove it tho becuz there wer no homeliss pepul to give poptards to but whatevr.**

Asahi: I think you need to understand that doing good deeds because you want to be seen as ‘good’ isn’t the same as doing good deeds because it’s the right thing to do.

**Anyways then angela smacked tanishashanqua on the hed but she didnt stop THERE! then tanishashanqua luged at bella but i blocked the atack. Tasniahsnqua then tuk out a nife and went for Angela!**

Briar: Tanishashanqua, you’re having some trouble remembering who your enemy is, aren’t you?

**"YOU WILL NOT STOP ME!" Angela screemed but then tanishashqnau stabed her in the gut with her getto nife and then i pushed her owt the window of the hospitul rum. Luckilee the rum is fiev storys up so angela had a long fal to deel with.**

Cherry: It’s rather quick when ya take into account the speed ya fall at.

**"we need to escape befor she climsb back up here" i sed serverlee. I luked ovar at Bella and Bella was just fuocked up becuz of this drama and shit.**

**"WHAT THE FUOCK IS GOIGN ON!?" she screemed.**

Briar: Very valid response.

**"luk motherfuocker that bitch is gonna kill you too if we dont run so u can eether stay here or run with us to be abel to survive" tanishashanqua sed.**

**"she wuz the one who atacked us in the bathrum stal" i sed to clarifye the situation.**

Asahi: So long as you avoid going into any bathrooms, you’ll be safe.

**Bella thught for a secund and then nodded her head.**

**"okay, ur right." She sed.**

**"we need to get away and fast" i sed as i locked the windows so that when angela tries any spiderman shit to get back into heer it wuldnt wurk.**

Briar: You could always break the glass.

**"how are we going to do that!? Shes so strong a powerful!" bella sed wile starting to cry a litle bit.**

**"Theres only 1 persun strong enuf to take on angela for shure" tasniahshanqua begined. "Rosey." I nodded my hed becuz this was a relly good idea. Thank gudness tasniahsnqua is such a gud friend with gud ideas.**

Asahi: Thank God Tanishashanqua has the one brain cell this group shares.

**"does anybody have a car that we can use to get to the collins house?" i askd the too.**

**"i do!" bella sed and then we all went to the parkign lot to get into beds fuocking uglee truck. Even tho it was uglee and i haet it with all my pashin it was savign my lief now so i maed sure to remember to fix it when this was all ovar.**

Cherry: This is so weird. She’s… growin’? As a person?

Cherry: Am I dreamin’?

**I culd start to append for my sins by treeting the things in my life better. As we were gettign into the truck, we herd a fucking obnoxshis screech.**

**"GET BACK HERE BITCHES!" It was ANGELA! She was on a moturcycle! She tuk out a pistol and started to shoot bullits at us so we got into the truck fastlee.**

Briar: Motorcycles… are like metal horses… that’s kind of cool.

Cherry: Motorcycles are awesome, I defs’ want one.

**Tasniahsnqa and I got into the back bed [AN: THATS WERE U PUT THE KARGO AND SHIT IN A PIKUP TRUCK]**

Asahi: I’m pretty sure most everyone knows what the truck bed is.

**and asumed fihgting posishin. I tuk out my shotgun and shotted it at angela wile tanishahsnaqua tuk out her getto pistol and also shotted it.**

**"GO GO GO GO!" i screemed and then bella tuk off out of scool grounds and around the town while angela followed us. Agenla tried to shoot at the car but tanishashanqua shot back and i deflekted bullits with my anti-raep catana wile shooting with my shotgun.**

Cherry: I never did like the ‘deflects bullets with a sword’ trope people love doin’ in anime.

**It was hard, to sto pthe bullits, but i had to protekt bella, the driver of this vehicol. but then Angela activated her turbo button and then she was speeding up so fast that theer wouldnt be a chanse for us to escape! It was as if she had a jet in that fucking moturcycle!**

Cherry: That’s pretty cool, actually.

**"Bella!" i screemed! "Speed up! We arent lusing her!"**

**"IM TRYING DONT DISTRAKT ME" bella screemed. I meen i understand her srtress but hello tanishashanqua and i wuldnt let anything happen to her. But whatever she desruves the beenfit of the doubt.**

Asahi: This is so weird.

Asahi: I’m not complaining, though.

**We sped up rally fast and then Bella tuk the truck out of the town and into the windign roads behind the town. There were lots of trees everywhere and it began to raen liek crazee so i felt at home.**

Cherry: There’s this magical barrier that kept the rain out of the town.

**Suddenlee a coip car starded to get in on the chase too! We were tryign our best to deflekt bullits but then the fuockign cops tried to drive US off the road insted of angela!**

**"Tanishashanqua the cops are alyed with Angela!" i sed! We were doomed unless we culd get those biotches off our backs!**

Briar: Maybe it’s because you killed one of their own?

**"i got this motherfucker" tanisahsnqua sed and then she shot the cop driving the car in the hed and he died and his car went off a cliff and exploded.**

Asahi: Ah, another murder. Good job.

**Then we went back to doign what we were doign before.**

**"YOU WONT ESCAPE EASILEE!" angela screemed and then she tuk her gun and aymed it at the tire of the truck and SHOT THE BULLIT! IT HIT! THEN IT MADE A NOISE! Tanishashanqua and me almost fell out but before i new it Angela had use d the swurve to JUMP INTO THE TRUCK WITH US! FUCK!**

Briar: This is equally unexciting and exciting. It’s kind of scary how she managed that.

**"FUCK YOU" i screemed and engayged her in one on one swordfightign. It wuz her black catana versis my anti rape catana and it luked liek i was losing!**

Cherry: Surprisin’ absolutely no one.

**I just culdnt keep up with her enhansed vamprie powers! FUCK! She then pujnched me in the boob and smacked me!**

Cherry: Ouch, boob punch. Low blow.

**Then she luged for tanishansqua! NOOOO!**

**"FUUUUUUUUCK" tanishahsnqua screemed as angela cut off her pistol hand with her evil black catana! Then she picked up one of my onlee friends and threw her out the back of the truck wile bella was driving it at 120 miles per hours!**

Asahi: Ah, man. You killed off one of the few interesting characters.

**It was tramatic taek my wurd for it.**

Briar: I’ll have to.

**"Bitch please this is still my fucking turf ur on" someone sed. IT WAS ALICIA! She was drivign a sports car and had caght tanisahsnaqua's bodee with the hood of her car.**

Cherry: That’s actually gonna be pretty painful.

Asahi: At least Alicia is here. Now they stand a chance of survival.

**Tanishashanqua got into the car wile alicai shot at angela frum the sports car. I new then that this wuz my chase to get a hit in on angela so i struck and almost nocked her off the speedign truck! Btu then she hung on and overpowerd me.**

Cherry: Surprisin’ no one.

**"No matter how many of u weeklings show up I will still rain supreme!" she sed evilee! Alicia used her vampire strength to shoot many bullits at angela but angela also was a vampiore so she dodged them like a profesional. But no! some of the bullits that missed angela wuz going to hit bella! I tried to dodge into the atac but i onlee tuk too bullits!**

Briar: It’s so jarring that she’s throwing herself into danger to protect Bella. Is this the same Rebecca?

**"SHIT" i screemed. I had faild and culdnt protekt bella. Even tho i akt like i hate her shes secretely always been my role model and i shuldve been nicer to her.**

Asahi: Know what that is? _Growth._

**A singul teer drop fell frum me faec as i relized wat was goign to hapen. I herd a screem from bella, and suddenlee the car went off the side of the roed and into the wuds. Angela and i went flyign over 70 feet in the aeir along with the truck. As we wer in midair bella fell from the truck and angela stabed me in the stomick, but not before i shoved my antiraep catana into her nee!**

Cherry: so we got three deaths?

Cherry: At least one from the 70 feet fall.

**She kickedd me and i went flying even furthor. But then as i hit a tree on the way down, i herd an exploshin. Then everything went blaeck as i fell...**

Briar: That was the sound of your insides turning to mush.

**Chapter 30: woods**

Cherry: The less successful knockoff of “Into the Woods”.

**I woke up in the fucking awful rain becuz seriously people I dont love it THAT much I mean geeze.**

Briar: With how much you were saying you love it, now you don’t?

**Anyways my head really fucking hurt because i had been sent through a fall. I didnt know where Angela was because she had gone flal too but I knew that if I honed myself that I could find bella.**

Asahi: If Bella’s dead, we riot.

**I found my shotgun and katana and put then in the ground int he forest I was in. It was almost dark. I could tell ecause the sun was setting. Time had passed. I cliped my hands together and prayed to Judah that something would guide me way. Then I opened my eyes and saw the Elf Grandfather who was pointing at the car wreck with Bella underneeth it!**

Briar: Suddenly there are elves?

Cherry: That’s not the weirdest thing, oddly enough.

**I ran to the reck and saw that Bellas hand was the only thing not under her fucking trashed truck. It was burning and smoke and shit and the trees were going to burn down soon.**

Asahi: Save her or perish.

**"Bella dont worry I'll save you!" I screemed because I was a good person and shoved the truck with all my mite. It was no use those I couldn't gain ground against the truck because of Newton's laws against moving objects! [AN: FUCK YOU NEWTON]**

Cherry: Newton had nothing to do with this.

**"rebeeca you goddamn it fucking ugly stupid whore help me goddamn you and fuck this" she whinied at me which was totally unhelpful right now I mean c'mon I'm trying to concentrate at the moment.**

Briar: I’ll admit, Bella, not the best time to complain.

**"GODDAMNIT IM TRYING" I screamed at her. I mean if she didn't have such a fucking huge truck this wouldnt be tough the thing ways like 15 tons. But then my combat sense tingled and I looked behind me and suddenly ANGELA APPEARED in the sky and and she started to use her sword in me!**

Asahi: Phrasing.

Cherry: She said what she meant. The swords in her.

**"I'll kill you! HIYAH" She screened as she luged over and over again. I tried to fight back but it was hard because bella was there nad she was the targit and I was trying to protect Bella but Angela used and I couldn't truck!**

Briar: She couldn’t truck?

Briar: Is that some modern age slang?

**"WHAT YOU SAY TO ME!?" I screamed as I punched Angela's breasts in the fight.**

Cherry: Another boob punch!

**It was a ground blow but it was all I could do to stay in front. "You're a monster Angela and I won't let you harm people!" I screemed harder this time! But then Angela jumped into the air with her Katana and cut my shotgun in half! Oh shit! I was so fucked!**

Asahi: Well, it was nice knowing you, Rebecca.

Asahi: Not really. But, hey, good riddance.

**"IF I AM A MONSTER THEN I WILL BE THE MONSTER COACH!" She screemed while flying. "THE FIRST IN MANKIND AND THE FIRST ALL OVER THE WORLD!"**

Cherry: Ya might not be the first monster, but ya might be the first monster coach.

**Then she stopped flying right on top of me. As bella was getting her face burned and crushed by the Car Angela just kept stabbing me and stabbing me with her Katana of death until She picked me up with it and impaled me.**

Briar: I’ll be fine with Bella dying if it means Rebecca dies as well, just saying.

**"AAAAAAAAAA" I screemed in shire agony! THERE WAS A FUCKING SWORD IN ME AND SHE WAS SPINNING ME AROUND WILE I WAS ON IT!**

Briar: That gives me some ideas.

**She was just to strong. This was the final line for me and bella. None of my friends were around to save me. Jacob was after Edoward who was running away from Fucks and Alicia was with Tanishashanqua wherever the fuck they were and And nerd Clarity was actually in that the school.**

Asahi: I forgot Clarity existed.

Cherry: Same.

**I tried to take a breath but it was hard because Angela was using a sord to mvoe me.**

**Then all of a sudden a gunshot went off and Angela threw me off to the sword with great power! She cut the bullet in half and we both looked up! It WAS CHOCOLOVE!**

Briar: Never mess with a stripper.

**"Angela stop" he said while looking like a teachor.**

**"Why the fuck shuld I?" She asked as I was there and on the ground almost dead and Bella was almost dead to. She was about to snap my neck so it was good that Chocolove arrived to stop her!**

Cherry: I’d be more concerned bout all the holes you got.

**"Because" he said wile pointing at Angela the Vampire! "When you were alive, I WAS YOUR FATHER ANGELA!" She then started to cry becuz she was just confused by touching it all. Then she got fucking angry!**

Asahi: What a twist!

Briar: I’d be crying tears of confusion, too. This is pretty nonsensical.

**"YOU LYING FUCKER" she screemed and then tried to stab him but Chocolove's forcefeld stopped her from comign close to him. "AAAAAA" she screemd as she went flying backwards into an other grandfather elf tree.**

Briar: The poor elf-tree.

**"ITS TRUE" he screemed! "YOUR MOTHER IS NONE OTHER THAN RENNY!" Everybody at the sene gasped because of the revelatin! If angela was renny's dohter then that meant that... "YES!" Chocolvoe screemed! "THAT MAKES ANGELA BELLA'S SISTER!"**

Asahi: Clearly Renée had the true harem.

**And then Angela started swearing so much that I'm not even gonna fucking write it becuz seriously it would take up like 5 pages of text.**

**"you bitch" Angeal screamed and then broke down on the ground.**

**"Its true their insides are made of the same blood..." he said. "My daddy blood".**

Asahi: Ugh, I hate the word ‘Daddy’.

Cherry: Wouldn’t they be sharin’ Renée mommy blood?

Asahi: Don’t say ‘mommy’, either.

**And then all of a sudden my pain wouldn't release because Angela had still stabbed me. But then something amazing happened that saved my life that I will never forget!**

**"HOMING MISSLE BOMB STRIKE" sed a voice! The voice belonged to Alec!**

Asahi: You’re still here?

**All of a Sudden Angela went missiling up into the air like some sort of flying projectile and left the atmosfear. Jane was there too but she was a had so it didn't matter.**

Cherry: Wow, rude.

**"What are you doing here you fools?" Chocolove asked**

**"I am here to save Bellanita and Rebeccadora [AN: THOSE ARE THEIR FULL NAMES]**

Briar: I don’t know about Rebecca, but Bella’s full name is Isabella Marie Swan.

**from sertin death" Alec said. "They are too close to the collin compound and you know what lies in there! We must not let Esme see them!" And then Jane nodded and made a incantation to say "HOLY" and then the truck got up and rolled over and away from Bella so that we culd save her.**

**"Don't worry" Alec said to me. "My powers sent her to the MOON" he screamed.**

Briar: Well, we know she’ll be back on earth in an hour, tops.

**"I won't let you ruin my plans!" Chocolove said with anger and blood dripping from his voice and then his forsefield grew to ten times the original amount! "Esme will hear about this blatant betrayl of our plans and then _you will suffer the consequences!_ "**

Asahi: I’m sorry? _What?_

Briar: The stripper is evil, what a shocker.

**"what are you saying Chocolove!?" I managed to ask wile bleeping out onto the forest ground.**

Cherry: I’ll give ya props for being awake after all that blood loss.

**"I wont asnwer that because it would spoil my plans" he said. And then he made to summon a Lance and equiped it to do battle with.**

**"Well too bad they are our friends and we will save them" jane sed finally speaking up! Then she made a ninjutsu sign and then screamed "TELEPORT" and the four of us (Me, Bella, Jane, and Alec) teleported away from Mr. Chocolove!**

Asahi: What? This is Naruto now?

**Chapter 31: Return to School**

**Suddenly like as if were teleported we were in the school. I was there with my wounds and Bella was there with her face and shit all burned and alec and Jane were there to.**

**"We will take Bella to the facility" said Alec. He puked up Bella with amazing speed and pushed everyone out of his way to the hospital. Jane cried like the hag she is and then teleported away.**

Cherry: This fic is makin’ me ship Alec/Bella.

**So then I had to go to class to find claritee because she was the only one who could be my friend since Jacub was in the pursuit and Tanishashanqua and Laicia wer .**

Briar: I’m impressed she is able to spell Tanishashanqua the same every time.

**Then I looked up at the clock and there was enough time left in the day to go to my next class wich was a math class. I hate math because I'm not very good at it because of Newton [AN: FUCK YOU AGAIN NEWTON].**

Cherry: Newton’s got nothin to do with ya sucking.

Asahi: I think you skipping the rest of your classes would be justified at this point.

**"I'm sorry I'm late sir I was busy fiting angela" I said to the teachor who was suppled to be Mr Clearwater but I acted a gasp when it wasn't! It was Hasmes the man whose arm was missing after he consumed Clear water!**

Briar: Hasmes is still alive? Wow.

**"PAY ATTENTION TO THE BOARD REBECCA" screemed Hames the Vampire teacher of my Calculus class as I perfectly sat to my seat. We were learning things like how to divide funktions and trickonometry. "YOU ARE THIEVING KNOWLEDGE FROM THE OTHER STUDENTS" he screamed wile waving chalk and shit around the class. I don't get why I even try its not like I'm asian or anything so fuck this shit.**

Asahi: Wow. Racist.

Cherry: Everyone’s gotta learn math, deal with it.

**"Psst Rebecca want to buy some weed" sad the boy to the left of my seet! IT WAS SERKADES! [AN: SERKADES IS ONE OF THE SNERKERS].**

Briar: Who from the what?

Asahi: No idea.

**He was a sit there and selling drugs to me and everything! I went all D: and then he Took out the dope and waved it in my fucking face. "I need it to pay for my props" he tried to say slidely.**

**"Mr Hames serkades is selling drugs!" I told the teechor but he was so busy reducing Clitoria that he didn't notice.**

Cherry: Ouch, clit reduction in a classrooms gonna be painful.

**"No I don't want any of your fucking drugs so stop before alicai sees you beside I am too far above the inner fluence" I told him. I was trying to help I mean if Alica saw this shit she would fuckign kill him for being on her turd.**

Briar: Fair point.

**"Your strong so I can not do anything to encourage you" sad Serkades because he just kept on trying to sell. "I'll call you when I'm selling cheap" he sed and swiped me his phone number for texting because nobody calls anymore.**

Cherry: That’s a lie.

**I riped it up because I was done being a bad person and I didn't even try to stab him so I felt good about myself just like it should be. In fact I was going to tell on him and do the right thing so he could sort his life out. Judah would want that.**

Asahi: It’s so weird seeing Rebecca be somewhat good.

**"Bye mr Hames I am going to the School police" I told Hames as I got up and left and he just stuck his middle finger up at my because she was busy kussing his lady bitch's face to notise his job. I walked down the fucking empty halls and located Arrow's room since his is a liutenant [AN: THE SCHOOL POLICE ARE IN ARROWS ROOM].**

Briar: So this school has a hospital and police.

Briar: All it needs is a bank and it’s a town of its own.

**But I heard mouning going on inside so I quickly opened the door to investigate!**

**"WHAT THE FUCK" I SCREAMED because I was scared. My old fiend Clarity Etude Symphonia was on the desk laying there and Arrow was on top of her as a Bat masticating on her body! He just kept going and going it was fuckign sick. There was blood everywhere like a volcano in Italy.**

Asahi: Disgusting.

Cherry: Repulsive.

Briar: Revolting.

**"Get off of her what the fuck are you doing!?" I screemed and took out my Katana and threw it across the room but the Bat dodged and I tried to get but I could because bats and its wings kept fapping.**

Briar: How the heck is it still jerking off while it’s flying?

Asahi: I don’t think we want to know.

**"You disgusting shit I will kill you" the bat said using Ekolocation to translate thoughts into me! "I have killed this worthless hunam and drained her of all of her blood" he translated loudly!**

Cherry: That’s not how echolocation works.

**"You sick fucker your wrong I am a vampire too!" Clarity screemed as she got up to kill Bat but he stopped her and went through her breasts to get inside her body! "FUUUCK" Clarity screemed!**

Cherry: I’m scared but what’s goin’ on?

**"I am now inside her body it is warm like a volcano's bakemeat. I shall nest in here" he said and then closed the entrance to her body so that he would be safe.**

Asahi: By the looks of it, we’re in Alien now.

**"Arrow stop trying to live inside of Clarity!" I screemed to protect my friend! I wanted to kill him but I couldn't not without killing clarity too.**

**"There is no use Rebecca" Clarity said now crying a lot not as much as Bella when Chadley had died but more than when Bella cried over Mikes dead body.**

Briar: Bella is a good gauge of how sad you are. Are you “My dad died” sad or “This kinda-friend who won’t take a hint died” sad?

**"He will nest in me and you cannot harm him without killing me first" she sed.**

Asahi: Time to take one for the team, Clarity.

**"Clarity you are my friend we will solve this predicament" I sad. "Esme will pay for this!" I also sad this time waving my fists towards the sun.**

Briar: What does Esme have to do with this?

Cherry: She’s just a mom who wants to raise kids.

**"No Rebecca you must know what I found out before…" She sad as she drew her gun from her bra. She was shaking because she was losing control of her body to the parasite Arrow inside.**

Cherry: Aren’t most men parasites?

Asahi: Hey!

Briar: Rude.

Cherry: Bad joke. M’bad.

**"The volutre are a diversion… Esme hired them to kill anyone on Cocolove's trail…" She was puking blood now because Arrow was eating her from the inside. She took out a jar of holy water. I was crying it was so traumetric.**

Briar: Probably should see some therapy.

**"He is the masterind behind everyting and he is connected to everything… You were not always supposed to…" she stopped and then her eyes rolled back like some weird chuky shit.**

Asahi: Chocolove is the beginning and end, he is everything and nothing, knows all, sees all.

Cherry: Chocolove the secret main villain?

**"NO! CHARLITY YOU ARE MY BESTEST FRIEND DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF THERES NO GOING BACK!" I scremed but it wasn't enough. "IF YOU DO THIS THAN YOU WILL BECOME THE GERATEST MONSTER OF THIS WORLD OF THEM ALL!"**

Briar: Exaggerating a bit there.

**"URGHGHGH GOODBYE" Clarity barfed and then she chugged the entire jar of holy water. Then her entire insides caught the fire and everything except for her bones and muscles and skin burned up she no longer had orgins to donate in case someone was going to dye.**

Asahi: A vampire probably can’t donate their organs, either.

**"AHAHAHAHA NOW I CONTROL HER!" Arrow said from inside Claritee as he piloted her like a giant mecha like in one of those animees. "IT IS I THAT CAN GRASP THE GERATEST MONSTER BY _BEING_ THE GREATEST MONSTER OF THEM ALL!" But the clarity I knew was dead inside arrow had masticated into her and then she had commited to suicide by drinking water and now she was hollow. "THANK YOU REBECCA YOU MADE ALL OF THIS POSSIBLE" He screemd and then using Clarity he ran out of the Office.**

Cherry: So _Rebecca_ is the final villain.

Cherry: That makes more sense.

**I ran out of the office too but I was crying because today had been really bad. Then Alicia and Tanishashanqua and Jacub and Edowerd all came to me. Except edowerd couldn't talk because he was typed up and his mouth was closed with duck tapes.**

Asahi: Ah. Jacob caught him.

Asahi: Good doggy.

**"What is wrong Rebecca?" Said Jacub. He helped me close very sexily I could even felt his nipples through his shirt.**

Briar: Stop sexualizing him.

**"Clarity just died" I sad.**

**"Aww that stinks" Said Alicia which reminded me of smoking da Mary J.**

**"By the way that fucker Serkades is trying to steal your turf where were yoy anyways!?" I questioned while flapping my raven hair with golden streaks in the dramatic sexy wind.**

Cherry: Ah, was wonderin’ when we’d get the hair in the wind.

Asahi: The _sexy_ wind, mind you.

**"I was getting a new hand" sad Tanishashanqua who now had a robot hand sort of like Luke Skywinkers from Revenge of the Jedis. "The surger was difficult but I pulled it through" she said.**

Briar: Oh, cool.

Cherry: That’s badass!

**"THAT FUCKER" Alicai said and took off into the school with a gun equipped to use on SErkades that turd. Alicai would settle him straite.**

**"But anyways Rebecca why are you so beat up" Jacub asked.**

**"Because wile you were away Angela attacked me Bella and Tanisha and then Bellas truck fell and Chocolove stopped the killings!" I told him. He nodded very quickly at first but then stopped and did it slowly. Suddenly it became raining and thundering outsied so I felt at home.**

Asahi: I’m surprised she didn’t yell at him for not being there.

Cherry: That sounds like something Rebecca would have done.

**"We need to investighat Chocolove" Jacub said. Tanishashanqua wasn't sure at first since this was her dad and this meant that he was a lying cheator on her mother because shes a year older than angela (Tanishashanqua is 18) so now she had a reason to rebel.**

Briar: Yikes, I feel bad for Tanishashanqua, in this case.

Briar: Her dad cheated on her mom.

**"Jacob you go find Alicia and do that." Tanishashanqua said while taking control of the situation.**

Asahi: Tanishashanqua is the true boss here.

**She was preparing to distance, I could really tell. Jacub ran off and then Edowerd Tanishashanqua and me were left. "We need to go find Alec and Jane, some is telling me that they are more into this than we think." Tanishashanqua said and with that we were off to go an interrogate the two.**

Cherry: Well, they are part of the Volturi.

**AN: I have decided on what I will do after kronicals I will write a prequel telling of how angela became the vampire bitch that she is today I hope you all red it when it comes out BUT THIS ISNT ADVETISING SO DON'T TAKE IT THAT WAY GEEEZE**

Briar: Why would you insert it in the middle of the story?

Briar: Why not at the end?

Cherry: Why ya think we want to know how she became a vamp?

**But Tanishashanqua and jacub couldn't do it so they caem back. Then we were the 5 crusdaers again because clarity was a robot for arrow who was piloting her quickly. The 5 of us were there to crusade against esme and shit so we went out to buy dresses and suits for the guys for the upcoming school dance.**

Briar: That’s nice of them, their buying the guys dresses and suits.

**I had a feel that esme would attack then because she is a mega fucking bitch who ruins everything he touches.**

Asahi: Esme just wants to be a mom and have a family.

**We went to the market district [AN: ITS FAR FROM THE GETTO ONE TANISHASHQNA DOESN'T COME OUT HERE MUCH BECAUSE SHES POR]**

Briar: Thanks for emphasizing.

**to buy fresses for the dance. I saw one that was fucking beautiful with maching pink laces on the gown and Alicai told me to buy it. But at first I didn't have any money but then I remembered that when I killed Chardly I stole his wallt too so I opened that up and took the money from it.**

Asahi: Wow.

Asahi: You kill the man and steal from him. That’s low.

**I felt bad for about a second I mean it was his fault he dyed the stupid fucker**

Cherry: Rude.

**so I took the money and began to use it to pay for the dress when then I saw who the casher was!**

**"CHADLEY WHAT THE FUOCK" I scremed! Jacub Edowedr Alicai and Tanishahsnqua all looked amazed and then scared and then worried. "I thought you died" I sed crying because this was so emenstionul for me.**

Briar: Wait? Charley is alive?

**"actuall you killed me swine" he sed.**

Asahi: She is swine. That is true.

**I looked at him and he was a vampire just like Edowerd and Alicai and Esme and Angela and all the others.**

**"WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKER YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT" I screemed! I mean geeze he didn't have to go do that if he was alive all along.**

Cherry: Your logic astounds me.

**"But wait we flamed the house" edowerd spoke to say. "how can you be?!"**

**"Esme saved me fool she took my body and vamped it out" he sed and then he stuck his arm out at me and graped my throat. It really fucking hurt but not as much as the payne in my heart from having to have to put down chadley again for being an abomeration.**

Briar: For starters, this is justified, you killed him. It’s called revenge.

Briar: Second. Abomination? Wow, that means Alicia and Edwards are abominations, too.

**I cut off his hand with my Katana and then engaged him in combat.**

**"fuck you" I said and then cut his head off. His body fell.**

Asahi: Can’t you just let the man live?

**"Yay way to go" Jacub chwrd and me but then he got all scared all of a sudden! "Rebecca look at the scene!" he said trying to warn me! I looked back and there was the head! It was floating and being!**

Cherry: Don’t you hate it when heads start floatin?

**"WHAT!? BUT I KILLED YOU!" I SCREAMED**

**"you did not kill me hard enough fool" he sed and then tore my dress in half with his zombie toeth. "Besides before I die I have to tell you the secret of what Esme is going to kill you with!" he scremed so then I stopped trying to kill him to listen. If he had disciplined earlier none of this would have ever happened it was all fucking chadley's fault!**

Asahi: She is a pro at shifting the blame.

Briar: It’s amazing, really.

**"what" I sed huffing expectantly**

**"Esme is going to mutate the town using radio waves from the radio station! And if you do not stop her than she is going to nuke everything!"**

Briar: Mutate and then nuke? What point is there in the mutations, then?

**then he finished and opened a portal and flew his head in and then the portal closed as I called him a fucker because right now hes being one goddamit.**

**"We have to fight aggrsively Esme will mutate the entire town if we do not stop the radio from spreading! She has the nuke and she will use it if we lose!" Alicai said taking out her gun. Tanishashanqua also took out her gun Jacub took out his ax and Edowerd his nales as the Crusdaer Crew got ready for battle.**

Cherry: Why’s Edward all in the clear now? Did we miss an apology or explanation?

Briar: I don’t think we did.

**We left the store but before that I all got my dance dress on because the chaser was dead wich meant free clothes!**

Cherry: That’s not how that works.

**When we got to the outside Esme was flying in the air. The sky was green from the radio's waves. Rose was flying too because she can be a fucking bitch.**

**"SUCK ON MY VOLCAN BAKEMEAT REBECA YOU SHIT MUFIN" Esme sop and Rose confom it**

Asahi: Volcan… Bakemeat…?

Asahi: What the Hell?

**That's when her army of zombies appeared and shit went residint evil on us the zombies were under esme's control so when she told them to attack they listened.**

Cherry: She’s gonna make me hate RE, ain’t she?

**Anya the bold and serkades were there too. But you know what fuck this shit I'm tired of these fuockers.**

**"FUCK YOU" I said as I took out my katana and cut off anyas head because guess what IM TRIED OF YOU RUNNING MY STORY WITH YOUR BAD INFLICTS ON EVERTHING GO BACK TO TH WHOLE YOU CLIMBED FROM!**

Briar: Because that is mature.

Briar: Real mature.

**Then I saw serkades but it was fine because Edowedr chopped his dick off with a chainsad they got from alicai.**

**"that is is Esme, Rebecca, we cannot die" I was told but there was too much fighting I culdnt tell who sed it. Whoever they are they were right. I took a gun from serkades because drug dealers have guns and shot it at Esme but her shield pooped up and she burned the shot to the ground! I fell distressed and dazzled because what the fuock can I even do in this situation.**

Asahi: You can die.

**"REBECCA!" Jacub shouted from afar "I BELIEVE IN YOU!" and with that I was better. Alicai my friend came running towards me wile Jacub and Tanishahsanqua fought zombies and shit.**

**"To defeat her you need to rock the fuck out" alicai told me as she handed me a rocking electic gitar made out of diamond from mars all for an awesome solo wile she took out an expensiv blood-ruby encrusted gold fiddle and got ready to fuck the rock out of me.**

Cherry: I’m sorry? What?

Asahi: Did this turn into a fiddle contest with the Devil?

**"take this… it is… a jew!"**

Briar: A…Jew?

**I looked at esme in the sky and punked the fuck out. We busted into a song that pursed the heavens of everything it had and bellowed to hell itself and then the core of the planet causing the molten iron in it to rush out like a Vulcan and bake the fucking shit off of esme's face which it did. The earth shattered in half braking apokalypticly because of my beautiful lyrics.**

Briar: I don’t think destroying the world is a good thing.

Asahi: It’s definitely not a good thing.

**"AAARRRGGGHHH REBECCA!"**

**"YES!?" I screemed to esme who was being fired and burned by the firey hot magma of my sin**

Cherry: Ya admit it’s a sin, at least.

**"FUCK YOU" she screemd and then teleported away but Rose didn't she got caught in the flames of ym torture and then the olten iron became a hand which dragged her down into hell.**

**"REBECCA SAVE ME" she screemed so I stopped my solo but it was too late Rossey was sicked into a molten spicy hellish land that is pretty bad but not as bad as what goes on in my heart mot of the time. Fuck you if you don't thnk Rebecca is deep.**

Asahi: I guess fuck me.

Cherry: She’s bout as deep as a puddle.

**Anyways after that we went home because seriously I was fucking done with everything today my dress was burned clarty was a piloted and angela was on the moon and now rossey's in fuckign hell which is just bad but I secretly thinks that she deserves it.**

Asahi: Really racking up those ‘good person’ points.

Cherry: Ah, it’s Hell. Practically vacation.

**  
chapter 32 - prom**

**It was the nite of the prom Anya Serkades and Chardley were all dead, angela was on the moon and rossey was in hell so for now all my problems wer solved.**

Asahi: Well, Esme is still around.

**Jacub showed up to the dor in a fucking sexy Indian outfit with only his you know what covered because that's what the indiens wore before we cockenered them.**

Cherry: This sounds kind of racist.

**Alice was also wearing something**

Briar: I would hope she’s wearing _something_.

**Edward had a suit on becauses hes an old school boy and jasmine was earing and Tanishashanqua was there too wearing stuff but not sa mine nice because she's a poor fucker.**

Asahi: Can you not be a rude friend for one chapter?

**We also had our instruments so that we could make a band at the dance because were going to play when we get there for the entire school.**

**"Wait Rebecca was what about esme?" Jacob opened his mouth and said.**

Cherry: As opposed to when he talks with his mouth shut.

**"do not worry I have a plan" I told him winking but no blinking because blinking is for emus.**

Briar: …Everyone…blinks.

Asahi: She’s just dumb.

**Anyways I rode Jacob all the way there and then got off when we got there. I also brought all of the instruments for our band its called " _Opposite feelings give double abstinency_ " and its about how Judah rocks and how we will speed his world to the word.**

Cherry: Ah, so basically Christian Rock.

**When we got ther the dance was full all of the surviving students wer there.**

Asahi: After everything they’ve been through, they deserve a dance to forget.

**Jacub was my date so I was going to paes religion class like Aro wanted**

Cherry: I forgot about that rule.

**and esme was there too she was standing on top of the tower loking down evily at everyone and thigns.**

**The everything was dancing like a whore with pneumonoultramicroscopicsili covolcanokoniosis and jetengining and shit.**

Briar: …Your diseases are fucking weird.

Cherry: I can promise ya that aint a real disease.

**I saw bella she was an emo shit so I smacked her on the way in. Everybody laufhged at that fucking whore so we went back to dancing.**

Asahi: I see we’re back to being horrible to Bella.

Asahi: The good could not last.

**It was a slow song called my heart will travel on and Jacub and I dancd and made out during the dance it was so cuuute.**

Briar I’ll take your word for it.

**The we stated playing our band for the prom so those shitty emo fucks could mosh the fuckers.**

_**Bullet given by bets boys** _

_**Given by all bet boys can do** _

_**Luzel try to prize up you** _

_**Willow tasted everything** _

_Asahi: Well that song sounds like shit. Maybe it’s because it’s in English? Maybe it’s just a shit song._

_Cherry: It’s a bad song._

**I could see satan in my mind trying to stop me from playing but I kept going on because THAT WEAK FUCKER CAN SUCK MY TAINT!**

Briar: Well, Satan just sucks.

_**Bawu go away to ERROR TRANSLATION CODE fc at 405e** _

_**[][]** _

_**[][]** _

_**[][]** _

_**[][]** _

_**[] JMLITE'SWID YIE CR** _

_**DRUGS TAKETO FLITE** _

Asahi: …What?

Cherry: Ah, I love singing “fc at 405e,” “[] [] [] [],” and “Jmlite’swid yie cr”

**The cowd rared as I busted out my epic gitar solo which also shok the foundations of the school and the earth**

Cherry: Can ya not summon Hell this time?

**. It didn't purse the heavens but it did cause the fucking obnockshis decorations to fall onto the prom comity which I thought was funny. But then something happened as I played the gitar began to grow and growand got fucking big and green and throbbing.**

Asahi: That is uncomfortable imagery.

**It throbbed so hard that heaven blew up I could see it from here. Then Hell too because half the planet was already gone it was weak from prevous strikes.**

**"REBEBCCA THANK YOU" people screemed astheir souls were saved by me, THE GERATEST PERSON IN AL LTHE WORLD**

Briar: I’m sorry, but you’re not.

Asahi: Not even close to being a good person.

**"YOU ARE WELCOME" I said to world walking the rabid truble that lay in my way.**

**Then the president of the school Esme came to satge to announce the winners of the election.**

**"hello dear children. Rossey is in hell so there will be no competition but before lthat lies we will talk about the prom king and queen!" she said and everybody cheered except me and my friends becuz we no fucking whore that esme.**

**"JACUB WINS PROM KING"**

Asahi: I don’t know how American schools work. Can someone who’s not a student win prom king?

Cherry: As far as I know, no?

**she screemd and jacub jumped into the stage and accepted his reward. He was shirtless and shit and he was so so fucking hot I mean fuck I wanted to have sex right there I even got a bit wet.**

Briar: For someone who’s so angry when people say they want to have sex with you, you sure are a hypocrite.

**"HOLY SHIT BELLA WON PROM QUEEN" she screemd with her middle finger up at me.**

Cherry: You earned it!

Briar: Good job, Bella! I voted for you.

Asahi: Same, she had my vote.

**But then wen bella got up on stag to accept her prom award we duped a bucket of blood onto her to humiliate her in the eys of the world. The world got up and cheerd because every fucking person hates that shitty bitch.**

Cherry: Didn’t you ever watch Carrie?

Cherry: That’s a bad thing ta do!

Asahi: Well, time for everyone to die.

**She cried and cryed and then Mark dragged her off the stage like a cow. But for some reason I felt a ping of badness in my hart. Why did this feel wrong? She deserted it!**

Briar: No one deserves that!

Briar: What is wrong with you?

**"NO ITS ACTUALLY REEBCEA" esme screemd**

Asahi: Why you do us dirty like that?

**and I got up to take my crown as my prize. I had on a beatufil fucking gorgeous dress and everybody thought I was the hottest girl in the rom everyone wanted to fuock me but I was saving myself for Jacob later tonight.**

Briar: What happened to waiting until marriage?

Asahi: Knew that wasn’t going to last.

**"yo motherfucker good job." I turned my head to see who the fuck called ME a motherfucker and It was Obomba he was here to give me my reward!**

Cherry: Look, I’m sure Obomba’s got plenty more important stuff ta do than be here.

**Obomba is the president of the country! He was wering a swhil traditional dress and shit.**

Asahi: I’m sure he’s rocking his dress.

Asahi: But this honestly is starting to sound like that R/ThatHappened.

Cherry: We just need peeps to start clappin.

**"you are an example for us all" Obomba sad and he put the crown on me because I was the president and empress of the danse! Everybody clapped their hands for me and even gave me a bouget of flowers they were fucking orange daisys.**

Cherry: There’s the clappin.

**"HELL FOOL YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!" I looked oer and it was Chocolove he was stating down Obomba!**

Asahi: “How dare you give _her_ flowers when it’s _our_ anniversary! You know orange daisies are my favorite!”

**"FUCK YOU BITCH YOU ANSWER TO ME" Obamba screemed and took out a breedsword and treated Chocoloev with me.**

**"NO OBOMBA DON'T DO IT HE IS UMMINE TO SORDS WITHOUT BLADE UNLIKE YOURS" I screemd but it was no use because Chocolove used his energy barier to atomic ombo's ass.**

Briar: Sword immunity? I could use something like that.

**As he died he outstretched his arms to Judah and said "god save me, my body!" but then he passed to the other side but then didn't because I had pursed heaven and freed all souls so he just lay their soules.**

Cherry: Right, cause making sure there’s no spiritual afterlife’s so great.

Asahi: Kind of sucks.

**But then chocolate love appeared and summond his Mick his jaarga and then became a lance to use against me! Chocolove took the lance and threw it at me**

Asahi: Is anyone else following this fight? Because I’m still not sure what’s going on and why it’s going on.

Cherry: Don’t look at me. I’m just pretendin’ it makes sense.

**"MY SPEAR ROD WILL PIERSE YOU" he screemed**

Asahi: Kinky.

**and then I dodged so it hit that fucking atrocious hag jane instead. She started grolowing and shit and then exploded into a booldy mess all over my fucking gorgeous dress. I WAS FUCKING ANGRY.**

Briar: I get the feeling she hates all the canon female characters except Alice and possible Rosalie.

Asahi: That’s probably an accurate assumption.

**But before I could do anything the moon started to crash into the planet! I looked up and it was ANGELA! SHE WAS PILOTING THE MOON INTO THE SCHOOL!**

Cherry: While that sounds freakin’ awesome, it’s completely implausible an I’ll use some science an facts to show why.

Cherry: It’s generally accepted that an asteroids gotta be at least nine miles ta do some extensive damage to Earth on impact. Hell, the Cicxulub impactor is estimated t’be be at least seven miles in diameter—though to be more precise, it’s from seven to fifty miles in diameter. No one really knows for sure cause no one was there to measure it when it picked a fight with the earth.

Cherry: That’s the asteroid that wiped out the dinos.

Cherry: The moon? The moons over a thousand miles in diameter. You can imagine what’d happen.

Cherry: Though speed of impact is a factor. Even if yer goin’ at a snails pace, you’re gonna do some massive damage.

Cherry:…What the Hell, can I keep this random facts thing after I leave the theater? I’d ace every test!

**"YOU FUCKER YOU THINK YOU KILL CAN ME THAT EASILY" she SCREAMED. She made a cross with her moon and then attacked chocolove with it and he tried to deflect with his hands! He was fast but she drove the moon like a fucking professional.**

Asahi: Not to mention it’s… well… the _moon_.

**"NO HOMIE DON'T KILL MY DAD HE'S ALL I HAVE LEFT" Tanishashanqua screemed as she got between Chocolove and the moon.**

Briar: Wait, if Chocolove is Tanishashanqua _and_ Angela’s dad, they’re sisters, right?

Asahi: Yep. Gonna be a fun family reunion between those three, Bella and Renée.

**The entire dance stopped to look at the scene it was so beautiful and we could touch it.**

Cherry: You’d think they’d be freakin’ out because someone’s bringing the moon to the Earth.

**Angela stopped and stared crying because all she evr wanted was to be runited with her long last dad after he mom dyed of AIDS when agela was only 5**

Cherry: Aww… I feel bad for her. Losing your mom sucks, specially that young.

**I also lafed when that happen the fucking whore.**

Cherry: What the fuck?

Asahi: Yeah, whatever good points she’s acquired for saving Bella, she’s losing all of them this chapter.

**Then something ajazing happened! Tanishahsnaqua's word touched angela and she stoped her rampage. She hot off the moon to go and hug cocolove and then the three embraced each other. They were a famil yagain it was a beautiful site to see!**

Briar: And then they directed their murderous rage at Rebecca.

**Then Jane came back from the beyond because I blew up heaven and hell with my music so she then told as "WE HAVE TO GO" quickly because the moon was coming.**

Cherry: Thank ya! Thank ya for noticing the freaking _moon_ is goin’ to collide with the Earth!

**"but why" I screemed**

Asahi: Because the _moon_!

**"Because Cocolove is going to try to kill you bitch" she screemed and then made magic with her fingers and screemed "METEOR". Then the moon got up and started attacking again and Chocolove took out his lance to stop it.**

Briar: …I’m just imagining that the moon sprouted some arms to fight with.

Asahi: Heh. That’s a funny mental image. Only way ‘the moon started attacking again’ makes sense.

**"WILD MOTHERFUCKER YOU AINT GOT NOTHING ON ME" Chocoloe scremed as he fought off the moon from the dance. Angela helped too "I will protect my daddy!" she screemed. But then piloted Clarity [AN: ARROW]**

Cherry: As if we forgot Green Arrow’s in her.

**and Mark and Cayus all appeared! They were the Volture!**

Asahi: Oh, no! They are?

Asahi: Who would have known!

**"IT IS THE TIME TO BATTLE YOU AND KILL YOU REBECCA!" Esme screemd "VOLTURE! ROLL THE FUCK OUT AND FUCK HER UP!" and with that we engaged them in a epic battle.**

Briar: We will have to take your word for it.

**Edward took out his nales and fought Cayus wile Alice took out her gun and stated to fight the robot Clarity while Jacub fought Mark with his axe.**

**"Tanishahsnqa help me figh esme!" I screemed as I pushed a student out fo the way of an e nergy beam. I took out a grenade and threw it as esme flew around the room shooting of kamehamehas and shit but it didn't' stop her!**

Cherry: What? We’re in Dragon Ball now?

Cherry: If I don’t see Vegeta showing up an’ curbstompin’ all of em, Imma revolt.

**"FUCK I CANT HIT HER!" I screemed!**

**"she is not immoral" Tanishahsnqua sad wile shooting her getto gun. It was a sene to see! Tanishashqnau's mech arm turned into a gatling gun and started machine gunning that fucking bitch**

Asahi: Yang?!

**"TAKE THISSSSSSS" she screemed! But then the fucking sluts sulpichia and nympho appeared and thired to use magic on Tanishashanqua.**

Cherry: The who the what now?

**"FIRAGA" bympho screemed**

**"BLIZARGA" Sulpy screened**

Asahi: Oh. Now we’re in Kingdom Hearts. _Yay_ …

**"NOOOO NOT MY SISTER" and with that Angela took the hit for Tanishahsnqua. Jane took the other one that hag and disintegrated so tht her soul could never return to her fucking ugly ass boody.**

Briar: Can you stop being rude? Please? Just for once?

Cherry: Honestly I liked Jane? She was actually pretty cool in the books?

**But angela was okay wich was polished good because Tanishahsnqua cant afford the operation to save angela if she died.**

Asahi: Polished good?

Asahi: What is with American slang?

Asahi: What does it mean? _What_ _does it mean!?_

**"Angela you are my sis put aside your differences and work with me to fight evil" Tanishashanqua said and esme was killing motherfuckering normal students with her kamehamehame's.**

Cherry: And you suddenly care?

**"I WILL TRY" angela said redeemed for all of her actions as she began to.**

Asahi: That’s the laziest redemption arc I’ve ever seen

Cherry: It makes me cringe.

**But then esme flew onto me and pushed me really fuckign far away but it didn't last because "TELEPORT" I heard.**

**Suddenly me Edowerd and Bella were all in a dark house.**

Asahi: For the love of—!

Asahi: Let Bella be out of this story so she can be safe and at peace!

**"were we go to?" Bella say. Then I thought as I recognized the house! It was… THE COLLINS MANOR!**

Briar: Because they live in a manor, the best way to avoid suspicion.

**"ITS EDOWERD'S HOUSE!" I screemed. "But who teleported us!?" I asked edowerd. "The Hag is dead!" Edowerd nodded and turned is back to me.**

Asahi: Can you maybe be respectful to people for once in your life?

Cherry: She’d die if she did.

**"I know who" EDowerd said. Suddenly…. CHOCOLOVE STEPPED OUT INTO THE FOYAY.**

**" Chocolove what are you-" bella began but then Chocolove took out a gun that was fucking huge and aimed it at us.**

Briar: Hey, Edward. Right now would be a good time to use that vampiric speed to save them.

**"The plan commences" he said and then blew bella's entire fucking head straight off and all of the blood got on me again.**

Asahi: That’s it!

Asahi: I’m rioting!

Asahi: Screw this! You killed the only person I actually care about in this story. How dare you?

**Everythign stopped.**

**AN: this chapter was edited by Kurshee aka Yammama who is the only one who fucking hels with this shit.**

Briar: How is it that people keep agreeing to edit?

**But I leaned from before that you can trust these fuockers so after this he's fird to. FUCK YOU YAMAMA**

Cherry: Well, that’s not very professional.

Cherry: Yamama was just tryin’ t’be nice by helping you with this awful fic.

**In that moment, things suddenly became clear. There wasn't anymore confusion in my mind. No, that's not true. I was paralyzed in shock still.**

Briar: How is it that the death of someone you hate and constantly abuse is what shocks you, but everyone else dying doesn’t even bother you?

**The blood from what used to be Bella's head was splattered all over me.**

Asahi: Screw you!

**This wasn't like when Alice used those non lethal bullets.**

Cherry: Hah. Yeah. _Non-lethal_.

**Bella's entire head was gone. Spread out over the foyer floor, never to be reassembled.**

Briar: Until she remembers there is no heaven and so her soul returns like Janes did when she was killed the first time.

Cherry: Consistence? TwilightRova don’t know her.

**Before I could even turn to look at her killer, another gunshot went off. It took a moment to register. A warm red liquid was seeping out of my abdomen. _He got me, too_. I tried to cover the wound with my shaky hands.**

Asahi: Hey, guys?

Asahi: Is it just me, or is this chapter actually… _good_?

Cherry: Yeah… there’s not been any spelling mistakes, at least outside the authors note. The story is plausible so far…

Cherry: Why the _Hell_ would ya fire Yamama if this is the kind of quality we get with them editin’?!

**"W-why?.." I manage to mutter. Blood is seeping out of my mouth. I might have been able to take this had Angela not done so much damage to me yesterday. I don't have much time.**

Briar: By the Gods, acknowledging the beatdowns that Rebecca has gotten in the previous chapters and it’s ill-effects it will have on her health?

Briar: I’m without words!

**"You should've played along when you had the chance, girl." My assailant caustically berated me from his position at the top of the staircase.**

Asahi: “Caustically”! I never thought I’d see that word used in this kind of story!

Asahi: And mentioning his position! The angle and distance that’s implied!

Cherry: Shit, this chapter is _good_!

**"Now, vampire. Finish her." I glanced at Edward as he was ordered around. His hooded eyes had turned a crimson red.**

Briar: Edwards working with Chocolove?

Briar: Wait, this explains why he attacked her earlier!

Asahi: Damn. That’s actually good.

**"Don't do it Edward!"**

**"Why shouldn't he?"**

Cherry: Honestly, I want Edward to kill her.

Asahi: Yeah, regardless of the jump in quality, and boy is it a jump, I still hate Rebecca. She can die.

**"Because... Because if for just one moment I don't keep up this facade of fake-perfection, you'll realize how empty I am on the inside. Yeah, empty would be the best word to describe it. You see Bella over there? She's empty too. She's dead. Chocolove _killed_ her." **

Briar: And you suddenly care? You constantly abuse her, you tried to kill her on multiple occasions, you stabbed and shot her. Honestly, if it wasn’t Chocolove, it would have been you who killed her.

**I stumble to the ground as I finish, blood and flesh searing from my wound. "I bet you he always planned it to, just like he and my mother did for me!" I was laughing maniacally now.**

Asahi: Oh? He’s connected to her mother? There’s more to her tragic backstory than what we know?

**The walls were beginning to pulsate in and out, blending and bending the fabric of the room together and apart. I'm being _pulled apart_. **

Cherry: I _like_ this line.

Cherry: I actually _like_ this line!

**"They hid me from the world for years so that when I was finally released, I would be a tyrant." Chocolove steadies his aim on me as he descends the stairwell; his face says it all. _Stop speaking at once or I will end you here and now._**

**But you know what?**

**Things are clear for the very first time for me. Something locked away has finally surfaced.**

**Fuck him.**

Briar: Damn.

Asahi: *Whistles*

Cherry: This chapter is makin’ me hate this story less and less.

Cherry: For once Rebecca is a _good_ narrator. Not a good character, but damn this is good narration.

**"Don't listen to this girl, Edward," Chocolove says with a certain smoothness to his voice. He extends his hand towards Edward while keeping the gun aimed at my head. In this moment, I don't even know where I am anymore. Things are wobbly, and I can barely see Edward. He's leaning closer and closer to Chocolove, considering which of the two of us to try and go after.**

Briar: The detail! The description! The way you can feel and see what’s going on!

Briar: This editor was a Godssend.

**I can't let Chocolove convince him to gut me. I can't let it end here. Anywhere but here.**

**" _NO!_ Don't you get it by now Edward!? I act the way I do because if I don't, then people will realize that I'm nothing!"**

Asahi: We knew you were nothing even with you acting that way.

**Every piece of my body screams out in a putrid agony, begging for relief. I can't stop though; if I stop for a moment then I lose my only chance at survival. I have to bring Edward back to his senses. "Deep down, I'm hollow inside. I was _made_ to be hollow. I was engineered to be hated from the very beginning, to give all of humanity something to hate together; to unite them under one common cause."**

Cherry: I don’t like how meta this is gettin.

Cherry: It _scares_ me.

**As Edward backs away from Chocolove, my tears litter the messy floor of the foyer. I'm failing. I have to keep convincing him that I'm not worth preying on. "My death." I couldn't stop myself from breaking out into laughter, interrupted only by sobs and blood I would cough up. I was cracking. I couldn't even tell if it's from the pain or from the despair.**

Asahi: Both.

Asahi: Now you know what we felt these past thirty-some chapters.

**Everything I had done in my life, it all hit me. Poor, poor Bella. Charlie. Jane. I've mistreated everybody around me. I deserve this fate. I deserve to die, alone and afraid.**

Cherry: Yes, you do.

**All I can do was collapse and cry.**

**"Edward, what I have done here is for the greater good. A monster such as Rebecca has no place in society. She is to be feared, not loved; despised, not pitied." The man preached with a twisted sense of conviction.**

Briar: I want to agree with you, I really do.

Briar: But you’re not entirely likable either, Chocolove.

Asahi: You’re just making us feel pity for her, now.

**Like a rubber band that had been stretched too far, something inside of me broke. The recoil echoed through my body, sending my slumped figure into a spasm. A burning sensation began to grow in my chest, and in a moment of clarity I grasped at my abdomen. The searing pain got worse and worse, and I was back on my side, screeching in agony. The realization that I was not simply shot had dawned on me. There was a hole through my body, as big as my first, running all the way through. I'm already dead.**

Asahi: Damn, the quality.

Asahi: I can’t get over how good it is.

**In an instant, the walls of reality came crumbling down upon me. Each breath in this world took years to finish, while every thought was over in an instant. Just as suddenly as I entered this trance, I left it with a conviction. There was not a thing holding me back anymore. I rose to my feet, gripping my Katana with both hands. Before he even had a chance to react, I charged Chocolove and ran him through with my sword. I kicked Edward with all my might, sending him flying back through a wall. This was the strength I was given by my creator.**

Cherry: Ah! The fourth wall! She kicked Edward through it!

**The strength to choose my own destiny.**

**"Up until this point, I have had the displeasure of trying to comprehend life here. Now I see that I was never meant to understand life as it is in the first place; this is because I was constructed to be a hollow being." I run him through again, pinning the scientist to a wall of the manor using his own daughter's sword.**

Briar: Oh, yeah. The katana was given to her by Angela. I actually forgot because it never got mentioned again.

Briar: A good throwback.

**"What you perhaps do not understand, Chocolove, is how genius your plans were. In fact, part of me wishes to commend you for them. Hiding me from the world for years so that when I was finally released, I would be a tyrant? Priceless. Literally engineering a child which would grow into a being that would be despised and ridiculed for its apparent mental illness? Utter brilliance. Revealing this all to me, however? I would say that I'm disappointed, but that would require me to be able to feel. Something which, according to you, I've never been capable of doing."**

Asahi: She’s right. She really does lack any feelings that aren’t self-centered vanity.

**He struggles to reply as I talk to him, locked to the wall by my blade.**

**"Throughout all your planning and deviancy, you failed to remember one important detail about what you were doing. You were making me unique, Chocolove. A Rarity. Something truly special. In your quest to create something that people would strive to exterminate, you developed a being unlike any other. A being made entirely out of weaknesses and flaws."**

**"You see Chocolove, even with the discord that would run through my head, I learned something important. No matter what, people can get by and change despite their flaws. It's one of the most humanistic traits I can think of. And yet, I had been just beginning to display those kinds of traits myself- Shedding that coat of superiority and stupor to connect with people who I never dreamed were so interesting! Does _that_ make me human, _Mr. Judah Chocolove_?" His eyes flare as he hears that name. **

Cherry: Holy shit!

Cherry: Chocolove is _Judah_!?

Asahi: Things make sense. Things are making sense at it is so disorientating.

**The name of the man who raised me. The name of the man who I had been conditioned to forget since day one. The name of the man who brought me into this world.**

**"No, it doesn't. Because according to you, a monster can never change. A monster has no potential to love, to learn, or even to live. Its only defining characteristic is that it is the antithesis to humanity." I twist the Katana ever so slightly. He bears the pain, only wincing.**

**"Somehow though, you created a person capable of experiencing every feeling across the spectrum, something that _directly contradicts_ with your definition of what a monster is! You _tortured_ them and _broke_ them and finally molded them into a being so heinous, so vile, that people would band together just to erase it and every trace of it from this world."**

**"If you had only given me a chance, _Judah!_ All I ever wanted to just to be loved- Nowhere was it written that I had to walk into that school every day of my life honestly believing that my actions had no consequences, that I had the power to murder people because I was some perfect sparkling princess. I didn't have to be that psychotic, foolish, selfish, ridiculously weak bitch- A twisted girl who only was warranted interest when she did something murderous!"**

**"Forget, for just a moment, about how you destroyed the life I never had, and try to consider the lives of all the people I've killed because you made me into this. Take a couple of moments. Good. What could you possibly say to make that better? I killed _Charlie_ \- the only adult who _ever_ tried to help me. You've killed Bella."**

**"It is nothing but one road bump in an otherwise flawless-" Chocolove began. I twist the Katana further. He lets out a small shriek.**

**"What am I going to do about this, you ask? I'll tell you what. I'm going to throw a wrench in your plan right now and end it." This is it. I want to see the fear in his eyes.**

**"You fool."**

**_What?_ **

**"Do not take me for a weakling due to my profession, dearest Rebecca."**

**_Where's the fear? I have him pinned. There's no escape!_ **

Briar: This is getting so good.

Briar: I don’t even know what to say.

**"There's no way to unite people without the common enemy, is there?"**

**"What are you-?" My sentence is cut off. He frees himself in an instant. He's fast, faster than anything I have ever seen. In less than a moment, we have traded places. I'm pinned up against the wall by a lance through my mid section.**

**"I'm starting anew, Rebecca. You are not my only experiment. It's time to clean up loose ends." He smirks, taking the lance out.**

Asahi: Oooh! This is good!

Briar: The dialogue, the suspense! The emotion!

Cherry: Are we even still readin’ the Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin? This is too good.

**This is my only chance.**

**I gathered up every ounce of might I had left in my frail body and tried to move out of the way. I wasn't fast enough. He drove the lance through my skull.**

**Darkness took over.**

Briar: Can we just end it here?

Briar: Please?

Briar: This was so good.

**AN: okay so frum now on this is the break in Kornicals. I will be trying a new story it will be better then this one you guys.**

Asahi: Not hard to surpass all the other chapters. But this one? This one is going to be hard to beat.

**It will start angela on her journey and then maybe when ie writen a bit of that i wil come back to Kornicals and continue witing it (i have idea of how to countie it but withu editor it will be betrayd SO REED IT wHEN IT COMES OUT BUT THIS ISNT ADVETISING JUST KINDA SO THINKS FOR REEDING! 333**

Briar: Okay, a lot of that didn’t make sense. Only that this isn’t advertisement and that the rest of the chapters won’t be edited.

Cherry: I’m scared.

**  
Chapter 34 – ALIVE AGIN**

**"what fuck" I sed as I got up shakily.**

Asahi: Ah, damn.

Asahi: Back to this crap.

Briar: I miss the beautifully written chapter.

**"wate what how the fuck!? I kill you but you survive that? mtoherfucker" chcolove sed to me.**

Cherry: I want the other Chocolove back, the one who was written like a suave villain and not a bitch.

**"I don't know gtfo you just killed me" You! I say and then do! Cocolove got his lance out and looked mega fuocking confused.**

Briar: We’re all confused.

**And then vamporized and dispeared into the darkness. I was in a graveyard and so was bella to. We were both fucing fuocking confused because last I remember I was killed by lance and bella was bullet by shot.**

Cherry: By all accounts, it doesn’t make sense.

**"just kidding, lol" bella say getting up now alive and better.**

Asahi: Thank God.

**She lauhs and smiles and says "I just pretended to die I can do that you know"**

Briar: Useful skill. Getting your head shot off and surviving, very useful.

**and then we hi 5 becaused this was a plan we had emergiencially planend out every since the beginning of the last chapter. Bella would fake dye and I would faek dye to make motherfucoker Chocolove reveel just how evil he was that raggot.**

Asahi: Yeah, that’s a lie.

Cherry: Smells like a liar.

**"Rebecca wtf your body it has changed!" bella say looking to me. I standed back and looked at myself and then I realized I was not me!**

Briar: Ah, those out of body experiences where you realize you’re not you.

**"it was my soul even though my body dyed my soul didn't go to heaven or hell so it found a new body!" I say. And then I realized!**

**MY BODY WAS BELLA'S AND BELLA AND ME WERE SHARING A BOODY!**

Asahi: Big yikes.

Cherry: Bella kick her out of your body!

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I scream becuz Bella and Bella I was had to share the femae genitalia that is my body!**

Briar: Technically it is Bella’s body.

Briar: You have to share _her_ genitals.

**"we have to fix this fucking fast you shitbitch" Bella say now no longer friend since mutual enemy in Chocolive was defeated.**

Asahi: Was he really defeated? Was he?

**"damn fast" I say. So then we went home to Cullen manner and I went to the bathroom and I started my moisturizing treatment because bella's face is filled with goddamn motherfucking acne and shit because she never fucking takes care of it.**

Briar: Bella is pretty stop making things up.

**Or was it my face now. Or was it Bella's? Who was even thinking this I no one don't even know at this uppity point somebody fucking put me back in my own body!**

Cherry: Or just exorcise your soul and let you die.

**"Rebecca's soul now lungers inside of Bella's" Jacob explained to Alicia, Tanishashanqua, Edowerd, Alec, and everybuddy else who didn't try to fucking _MURDUR_ me earlier **

Briar: When did they get here?

**[I explained, you do not want to kill me rite now trust me] after I explicated it towards him. But Jacob didn't expantiate it right and it was like he was trying to place some of the blame on me!**

Asahi: “Rebecca’s soul now lingers inside of Bellas” How is that placing the blame on you? It’s stating the facts.

Asahi: Your soul is in Bella’s body.

**Like it was my fault that my soul piloted into Bella's body afterwards and her fatass soul didn't get the fuck out of my way. Maybe if her soul stopped eating so many fucking pillbugs on the playground then she wouldn't be so fucking ugly that motherfucker.**

Cherry: Can you not be rude to her? You have to share a body.

**Edowerd said: "hello friend I will stick with you from now as a simple form of Rebella!"**

**"Yes Rebella is an excellent name for the organism" Carlisle the father Collin came in and said.**

Cherry: I mean, if it fits.

Briar: Becca would have been better, personally. Bella, Rebecca. Becca.

**"I love her she's even cuter than the real Bella!" Jacob squirted. Right then Bella's soul popped right out of her body and went into the doll on her desk.**

Briar: Of course it did.

Asahi: I hate this so much.

**Now I had Bella's body because mine dyed and now Bella was in an old doll because let's face it she has all the charisma and grace of a goddamn fucking dead ass doll.**

Asahi: Uuuurgh.

Asahi: all the character development of the last chapter. Gone.

**But this meant I had bellas fucing stupid ass brain that failed psychics class two years in a row so im fuocked inn school now.**

Cherry: Good.

**"You are so cute, Rebecca" Jacob said to me, because I'm not fucing bella anymore. I had taken bella's body in the ethereal struggle for life and that meant I was rightfully at the top of the fucking food chain.**

Asahi: Actually, it means you’re a body thief and deserve to be killed for stealing another’s body.

Briar: I’ve handled cases like these before. The remedy is surprisingly simple, the right herbs crushed and mixed together in an elixir, let the fumes fill the room with the subject in it for a few hours and the invading soul with be dragged out.

Briar: Otherwise, the more painful method involves words, magic, and a lot of stabbing.

Briar: since Bella’s soul in a doll and won’t be harmed, I would personally go with the stabbing option.

**"But my sword! It was broke in the fight!" I say. Then Angela step forward and tell me something.**

**"However to beat it, here is something! When I summoned the moon I made a new Katana. Take my Black Katane and use it's super power to fight the force" she say and then gtfo because Nobody wanted to fucking deal with the that shit of her and Tasnishashqna's dad being evil and crap.**

Cherry: Rude.

**"So Cocolove is evil we must kill that fucker" I said.**

Asahi: We kind of knew he was messed up, but I honestly didn’t expect him to be the final boss.

**But then angela came "Chocolove you do not need to kill that bastard, we would are evil through blood?"**

Briar: Well, you at least are evil.

Briar: You did murder a bunch of people.

**"No we must try to save daddy he is just confused!" Tanishashanqua say. She is so kind but I don't take that shit from no one so I smacked her getto ass face and she was all like "did u just fucing do that whore" and I was all like "fuck yeah you wanna go!?" and she pussied out. The ho.**

Asahi: Uuuuurgh.

Asahi: This hurts me as a reader, this really, really hurts me.

**"we are not worried you shouldn't worried about that" Edowerd say and we did not know why yet. He could tell us. He would tell us.**

Briar: Have to emphasize that bit, he could and he would.

**"we must now fight esme, the wolves, and now chocolate love. These are three many [AN" see!? Instead of 2many I have 3many!] enemies to fight of!"**

Asahi: That’s just… stupid.

Cherry: Why are you fighting the wolves now? I can understand Chocolove, and Esme, but the werewolves? I thought you were cool with them.

**"Do not worry about him what we must worry about is the wolves. They are cuming to start the final battle vs the Collins" Jacub say. "But you can change life's tide like the waters of a waterfall can change the course of a farm" he also say.**

Briar: The wolves fighting the Cullens is the only thing that makes any sense.

Briar: Even his inspirational line made no sense.

**"So if I direct the course of the farms I will be able to turn tide?" I say!? This was a chance!**

Asahi: Yes. If you go and change the way the farms are facing, you can change the battle.

**"yes I believe so" bells say.**

**"bella I am sorry this happned we will find a way to get u back in ur uglyass body" I say and then she cryed a teardrop of joy becuz someone was nice to her in her fucking life.**

Cherry: I’d be freakin’ delighted if someone finally treated me like a human being.

Cherry: Especially when I’m in this predicament because of the people around me.

**"we will deal with this nonsense hell tomorrow" edoweord say and we break the group of me, bella, Alicia, tanishahsnqua, alec, jacub, edowerd, and angela [but not really she will probably turn evil later don't spoil it though].**

Asahi: You _just_ spoiled it, though.

Asahi: I mean it’s a crappy spoiler and no one would have been surprised.

Asahi: But you’ve only yourself to blame for this spoiler.

**It was time to eat and shit and go to bed though. So I did. Bella went to slep in alicia's dollhose.**

Cherry: Ah, yes. Bathroom time for everyone, even the vampires who don’t use the bathroom.

**"Tomorrow I will fucking handle this bullshit" I say and go to bed.**

Briar: Tomorrow you will likely make it all worse.

**Chapter 35 – Working at McDonalds**

Cherry: Now that’s a weird change in story.

Cherry: Went from Vampiric-Werewolf war to Fast Food.

Asahi: Yet it’s not farfetched for this story.

**Today I woke up from my bed furiously.**

Briar: Waking up angry, happens all the time.

**I used spellcheck on my paper so that when people like my teechors tried to make fun of it they would b wrong. And they are. And so it shall be!**

Asahi: Good, now can you use spellcheck on your story?

Asahi: _Please_?

**"good morning Rebecca" doll bella not human bella said to me nicely. She is so nice ever sins she lost her boody bdecause she knows that I am trying hard to get it back!**

Cherry: If you’re tryin’ hard, you’d evict yer soul from her body an let her take it over again.

**Thenshe made me EGGS**

Asahi: A doll… made you eggs?

Asahi: What is this? Disney?

**"work harder you bitch" I say to her and she do. She is like the wicked stepmother.**

Briar: You really don’t understand what ‘nice’ means, do you?

Briar: Or wicked?

Cherry: She’s makin’ ya eggs when just openin’ the fridge must be hard as fuck, an your being a bitch to her!

**Com to think of it yes that is exactly what she is aftr what she did to me.**

Asahi: Bella. Did. Nothing. Wrong.

Asahi: If anything, you’re the wicked stepsister.

Asahi: Actually, scratch that. You’re literal Satan.

**But that is another story. It was soething too terribul to write down or say out loud.**

Cherry: Probably cause ya can’t think of a justifiable reason for why you’re this terrible to her.

**I didn't want to think abut how she sent chardly to kill me. Charly was my friend until became my fiend due to bells's influx.**

Briar: No? She didn’t?

Asahi: Charlie didn’t want to kill you. You wanted to take his keys and decided murder was the best way to get them! Bella had nothing to do with it!

**Then I realized I was so silly!**

Cherry: Everythin’ bout this is silly.

**We didn't have school today I laughed and sighed. It was Saturday which is a weekend day! Tomorrow would be Sunday! Then would come Monday the day we went back to school to graduate and enter the worl das adults. I am ready to be an adult.**

Briar: Oh, it’s that close to graduation already?

Cherry: I get the feelin’ she doesn’t know how the adult world works.

**Because it was not the weekstart I went to dairy queen to get siome ice creem because fuck u mainstream shits if you think ice cream is only eating at night.**

Asahi: Ice cream is a food you can eat at any time of the day.

**But no! I culdnt eat as much I wanted because bel;la's body was fucking fatass. Oh wait it was fat ass. Boys like fat ass so my ass aint gonna not stay fat you fuckers!**

Briar: So… your ass _is_ going to stay fat?

Asahi: I guess some guys like asses? I’m not really one of them, I guess.

Cherry: Oh? You’re tits man, then?

Asahi: Ah, no. I guess I just… don’t really care how they look too much?

**"Yo homie what's up?" sed Tanishahsqnua who works hard at derry queen when she is not at school or fighting evil with me. "what can I get for you?"**

**"I want a fucking mcflurry"**

Cherry: McFlurry?

Cherry: You’re at _Dairy Queen_ ya pleb! Go to McDonalds if ya want that trash.

**"okay just one moment that will be $600" she say.**

**"NO THAT'S TOO MUCH CASH" I say.**

Asahi: Yikes. That much? Well, I guess considering they have to go to McDonalds and buy a McFlurry so they can sell it to her, makes sense.

**"too bad bitch were in a recession" she sed to me but no! I took the mcflurry out of that whore Tanishashanqua's hands and left the store. What a bitch trying to steal my hjard earned cash. This was the money from chadley's life insurance how DARE she try to steal it from me! What did she who think she be!?**

Briar: So that justifies you stealing from a store?

Briar: Your logic is nonsense.

Cherry: I want to go back to the _good_ chapter this is too painful.

**Then I saw Alicia drug deeling behind DQ so I went over to her to talk to her and show her light of god [AN: Rebecca stil worshops Judah from the bible not Judah chocolove you sick fuockers].**

Asahi: As far as I care, they’re one in the same.

**"hey becca what's good" she say. She looked fuckign gorgeous in her red lipstick red cocktail dress. She say that it helps her to get all of the boys like Serkades before I fucing killed him for being dead earlier last arc.**

Briar: You killed him for being dead? Didn’t know dying was such a heinous crime that deserved execution.

**"not much" I sed sexily slurping my mcflurry. Unf I was so hot.**

**"Rebecca you don't do much. You should find a job. Try McDonalds down the street I think they are hiring!" she said fluently!**

Asahi: Thanks, Alicia, for pointing that out. Rebecca does absolutely nothing of value.

**I went to McDonalds to go an get a job. "I NEED WORK" I said to the bartenders and they were all like "okay you are overkwalified but okay"**

Briar: McDonalds isn’t a bar. It’s fast food.

**and so now I was behind counters! I waited for my fiorst customer when I saw him I culdnt believe who it was!**

**"bella why are you working at Mickey D's?" asked Rosally! She had escapd from Hell! BUT HOW!?**

Cherry: Cause it’s Rosalie. As if Hell could keep her down.

**"how be!?" I screemed at the top of my lungs! "I saw the molten sin drag you to hell, you cannot be!" I flummoxed!**

Cherry: _Cause it’s Rosalie._

**"if you think that will stop me you have a lot of think to still do" she sad. "give me a goddamn double cheeseburger" say.**

**"that is money" I say.**

Asahi: No. That’s a double cheeseburger.

**"how about I fucing kill everyone here!?" she escalated!**

Briar: That _is_ quite the escalation.

**"oh fuck that bullshit" I say and took my katan out and cut her gun in half but then she and I got into a martial arts routine and shit was flying everywhere the cops came to try and stop us but we wer moving at the speed of sound not quite light!**

Asahi: That’s one way to lose your job in one day.

**"THIS MOON POWERED KATAN BRINGS DEATH!" I screem and chop Rosalie's gun into half!**

Briar: Okay, very excessive and rididculous.

Cherry: Sounds like anime BS.

**"you fool I am not even using one tent of my power" she say and then her eyes turned red! Sort of like she was vamping out except not! We fught some more, and I dodged her bullits so they blew up the cash registurd!**

**"goddamit you have to pay for that" I say!**

Briar: Or you can, considering you started this.

**"fuck you I'm bringing the cash to Esme!" she say and then enacted her assasinial duties and shot my manager. The bitch. I get my $$$ from him!**

Cherry: Yer gonna end up fired, anyways.

**"Idiot, I did not even use my strength" she say. Her strengthened bullits were no match for me though! But then they wer!**

Asahi: And no one is surprised.

Cherry: She’s just so overconfident, and then she realizes that she’s screwed.

**Oh no what do now!? Then rose left with the cash and McDonalds was fucing ruined.**

**"Rebecca you are fired for not stoping her it is your civic duty to protect people" my manager say in deathly breath.**

**"wait how the fuock do u know I am rebecac and not bella" I ask.**

Briar: Because you have to introduce yourself when you get a job and you probably introduced yourself as Rebecca.

Asahi: Of course she’s going to try blaming Bella for this.

**"oshit" he say and dyied in my arms, a lover I never got to have.**

Briar: You don’t even know his name you’re a rather bad lover.

**"Okay seriously fuck this shit" I angrily shoke and I left Mickey D's and went to find a new job becuz this one sucked donkey balls. Maybe I could teach at the indiend restraint where Jacub worked because at this rate forks is a crime zone that nobody shuld have to live in.**

Asahi: You’re still a student, you need a teaching degree and I think a license to teach in America. You wouldn’t be accepted.

Cherry: Do you even know anythin’ to teach at a Indian school?

**Then it hit me like a semi! It was a semi actually but I am fine don't worry. As I flipped the biord to that fucing semi driver I had a thought and this thought was a good one!**

Briar: Unfortunately you survived being hit by a semitruck.

**I SHOULD BECOME A COP LIKE CHARDLEY BEFORE ME! I would take his mantle like the prodigigy I am and protect and serve all kinds!**

Cherry: I mean, it’s not a bad—

Asahi: Wait for it.

**Except Mexicans I don't fucing like them.**

Asahi: There it is.

**I ran off to the polise station with Jacub! THIS WAS MY CHANCE!**

Briar: Your chance to make a bigger fool of yourself? Yes, yes it is.

**AN: I m now repoening this sextion to commints.\**

Asahi: Oh, goodie. My favorite part.

**_"OMFG I can't believe Your writing skills! I like a good story Whether it's making fun of Bella or not I mean come on you are probably in 3rd or 4th grade I mean people like you shouldn't even be on this damn site._ **

Cherry: They’re not wrong. Ya need to be thirteen at least to make an account.

**_I know 4th graders that sound like Albert Einstein Compared to you. Get some brains and grow up._  
_-TheTruthDetecter"_ **

Asahi: Speaking the truth, oh TheTruthDetector,

**Im soree, how did the operashin to remove that _flagpole_ from your ass go you shitbrick?**

Briar: And another stunning example of maturity from TwilightRova. How can someone so mature withstand the people around her?

**AN: hahaha u fuckers srsly thugt that the old chaptr 35 was REEL u dumb shits!**

Asahi: Ah, yes, calling your readers dumb shits. Such a good move as an author, it’s a wonder why none of the bestselling authors insult their readers more often.

**It was may fools like april fools only more secret! Stupid shits.**

Cherry: Says the one makin’ up holidays to justify a terrible chapter.

**Chapter 35 – Saving Bella**

Asahi: Finally we’re going to save Bella!

Asahi: The girl deserves the world and more after all she has been put through.

**Today I woke up from my bed furiously. I used spellcheck on my paper so that when people like my teechors tried to make fun of it they would b wrong. And they are.**

Cherry: I don’t think teachers criticizing’ your work for its awful spelling are wrong.

Cherry: I’d have gotten F’s in all my classes if I handed in papers like this.

**Otherwise I wuldnt have straight a's on all of my report cards you dumb shits!**

Asahi: Chances are she’s sleeping with the teachers to get those A’s.

Asahi: Nothing we’ve seen so far would justify any intelligence beyond getting a D at best.

**"good morning Rebecca" doll bella [AN: not human bella] said to me nicely. She is so nice ever sins she lost her boody bdecause she knows that I am trying hard to get it back!**

Briar: If you were trying, _really_ trying, you’d put your own soul in the doll and let her have her body back.

Briar: So, no. You’re not trying at all.

**Thenshe made me EGGS! Eggs are my fucking favorite breakfast fud. But then she burned them so you know what? Fuck that whore.**

Asahi: You are in the negatives in terms of “I’m A Good Person” point. I didn’t think it was possible to score so low, but you’ve surpassed my expectations.

**"work harder you bitch" I say to her and she do. She is like the wicked stepmother. Com to think of it yes that is exactly what she is aftr what she did to me. But that is another story. It was soething too terribul to write down or say out loud. I didn't want to think abut how she sent chardly to kill me. Charly was my friend until became my fiend due to bells's influx.**

Cherry: We’ve already been through this. Is she just rehashing the same things she said last chapter with minimal difference?

Asahi: Talk about lazy.

**[AN: see!? It is really bella who is the problem, not Rebecca! Rebecca is so nice to even consider helping that ritzy biotch!]**

Briar: As people who have been reading this trainwreck of a story, that is far from the truth. In actuality, Rebecca is just the worst person in this story.

Briar: With the exception of Seth, a rapist.

**Then I realized I was so silly! We didn't have school today I laughed and sighed. It was Saturday which is a weekend day! Tomorrow would be Sunday! Then would come Monday the day we went back to school to graduate and enter the worl das adults. I am ready to be an adult.**

Asahi: Trust me, you’re not.

Asahi: Can you do taxes? Can you change oil in a car? Do you know how to pay bills? Do you have a job that will let you pay bills?

Asahi: Do you have the mental maturity to be an adult?

Cherry: An the answer to all of that is a big, fat, _no_.

**Because it was not the weekstart I went to dairy queen to get siome ice creem because fuck u mainstream shits if you think ice cream is only eating at night. But no! I culdnt eat as much I wanted because bel;la's body was fucking fatass. Oh wait it was fat ass. Boys like fat ass so my ass aint gonna not stay fat you fuckers!**

Briar: Please, oh _please_ change the story. This is the exact same thing from the last chapter.

**Anyways I brought the doll bella with me because if she druve a car it wuld be some fucing weird ass chucky shit**

Asahi: Finally some difference.

Cherry: Bella wouldn’t even be able to reach the steerin’ wheel _or_ the pedals.

Cherry: Not unless you, like, tape sticks to her limps so she can actually drive.

**"Rebecca you look sexy" sed jacub**

Briar: Since Rebecca is in Bella’s body, he’s technically saying Bella looks sexy.

Asahi: I approve of this. Bella is beautiful and wonderful.

Briar: I feel like you’re only saying it at this point out of spite towards Rebecca.

Asahi: And because it’s like after watching a puppy get kicked you want to give it affection so it feels better.

**as he came over to me. Jacub was looking even hotter than normal he was weering a soot. Soots are so fucing hot on men aren't they.**

Cherry: Ah, yes. It really brings out the “Chimney Sweeper” appeal when ya cover yerself in soot.

**I just wantd to fuck him on the table in the dairy queen but im in public so wtf I wouldn't ever do that! Fuck u if you don't think girls get hornly too!**

Cherry: Girls have sex drives too.

Cherry: But at the same time, why the fuck would you write it an then complain about it?

**"thanks stud I think you are smexy" I say and curdled with him lovinglee. We went to the park to go and find a bench to make the fuck out on when I saw something! It was Alicia selling her new drug. It was ten time better than pot so good that it stopped being pot, it became bowl.**

Asahi: If it doesn’t come in bowl shapes, I will riot.

Briar: Did she just abandon Bella at Dairy Queen?

Asahi: She had better have left her card, too, so Bella can charge it to the max.

**"Yo girl u wanna buy some bowl" Alicia offered. She is a function economy is this regard.**

Cherry: Alicia is basically God of the local drug trade at this point.

Cherry: No one’s gonna try musclin’ in on her turf.

**"No Alicia. You are wrong to pick this path in life" I say praying to my god Judah. She was so misled mayb I culd convert her back to normal one day.**

Briar: Don’t. Alicia is so much more interesting than you are.

Briar: And the economy will collapse if she stops.

**"I need to afrod rent" she say because ever sins esme tried to kill every fuckign person at prom I burned the cullins hose down to kill esme but it didn't wrok. Even since the house was burned down we have all been living in an apartment. Tht was what we wer in last chapter you shit.**

Cherry: An ya didn’t think ta mention that last chapter?

Cherry: It would have maybe been interestin’ seeing ya come to the conclusion that ya need to burn down their house.

**Suddenly an earthquick haped and Rossey climed up out of the crack in the ground! FUCK!**

Asahi: Hell _still_ can’t contain the raw power that is Rosalie.

**"you goddamn motherfucing cunt Imma fucing kill Rebecca" she say! Her hare was longer and her boobs bunced wildly because she had to eat her bra to not strave to deth in hell!**

Briar: As you do when you need to survive.

**"wate she does not know that I am not bells!" jacub quiced silently to me! He was right!**

**"she is in Armenia" I say quckly and then rosalee come to me.**

Asahi: Hopefully she will stay there.

**"I will protect you from that sitch, do no worry" she villanously say and then started to summon something! "because esme is too fucing week I WILL KILL REBECCA MYSELF!"**

Briar: Please do!

Cherry: We’re puttin’ all our hopes on ya, Rosalie.

**then a satantic pentagram appeared on her fourhead and she glowed all evil and red and shit and summoned shit! It was 2 guys and French fucker!**

**"this is talsy, Hawko, and troy" she exposed wildly. Her hare went from blonde to beautiful fire red and her guns culd shoot fire I culd tell! "they will kill people Rebecca knows until she is ded!" then fuck rose because she flew off with satan's powers to Armena!**

Asahi: Good.

Asahi: _Good_.

Cherry: This might be getting’ good finally. Rebecca’s days are numbered.

**"sest un farse" the frenchy one sed! He had fucking nasty ass gross green skin he wasn't fucking hot at all. His skin was that way becuz he fuckign vomits all over himself the frunken shit.**

Briar: Okay, that’s gross.

**"por hitler nous allons twoer tous les dos" and then jacub stabed that mothafucker in the face and talsy took out a baguette and fucked with it and hacub stopped that frenchy.**

Asahi: Okay, so maybe it’s not getting good.

Cherry: Time for more bullshit. Yay.

**"REBECCA GET DOWN" Alicia said and shot troy one two three for five six seven ayt nine tims and it was fucing gory. Then a tree fell on him! BUT HE GOT UP!**

**"we are imbucked with satan's blood you cannot defeat us!" they say except the freech one!**

Briar: Good. Now kill Rebecca.

**"NOOOO" I screamed! I was horrored by this situation! Then Edowerd appeared! And Tanishashqnua! And Angela too!**

**"I prithee protect thou life" EDowerd say! "BECAUSE I STILL LOVE THEE" and then edowerd went all claws and clawed the fucing shit out of Talsys bagette and destroyed her beray [AN: it's a Fench hat].**

Cherry: Ah. Fuck. The Edward/Jacob love rivalry in here, too?

Cherry: Fuck that shit.

**But troy stepped forward from his tree and it used vine whip to grab angela sort of like in hentai with the tentacles [AN: porn is wrong].**

Cherry: Porn is fine. So long as it aint incest, child, or rape porn.

**She yelled like a cat in heat! A female one!**

**"HELP ME!" she say!**

**"this is satan's wood it will fill you with his evil" Hawked say. "feel the evil overtake your daddy's blood girl". He was so evil! What a fucker you shuld go to his profile and spam hate messages. He is worse thana fucer he is a diseased excuse for an abortion!**

Briar: Ah, so this is a real person.

Asahi: Probably one of the people who pointed out how this story was utter trash.

**"EVIL" angela say and then she was once again!**

Asahi: Surprising no one.

**"fuck this shit" I waddled and then I took my new katana and slit troy's neck. His blood got all over my catholic schoolgirl miniskirt so I took off the miniskirt part and ran to my audi and got in it.**

Cherry: Runnin about with no pants. Now that’s just obscene.

**Jacub and Alicia and tasnishashanqua did to. But not edowerd. He wuld have to fucing dye right here if he ever wanted judahs forgiveness or salvashing.**

Briar: Rude.

Briar: But I mean, justified, too. He never did apologize for assaulting you.

* * *

The lights slowly flickered on. At long last the story, the madness, the nightmare itself that was the _Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin_ was over. It had felt like days, _weeks_ even since the story had begun, though it had likely been only a couple of hours at best. The three participants simultaneously breathed sighs of relief, tired, but grateful that their strenuous task was finally finished.

“So…” Asahi spoke slowly, looking at his two companions carefully. “Final thoughts?”

Cherry looked at him, her expression like that of a woman who had just climbed out of Hell. “Asahi, Asahi, Asahi,” she shook her head at him. “We’ll be here for months if we tried to list every crime an sin this story committed.”

He frowned, still feeling his skin crawl from having to read something so… so terrible. “Let’s just say it was garbage and go home. I still can’t get over how she needlessly abused Bella,” his frown turned into a scowl. “This fanfic has turned me into a Bella fanboy. I hate it.”

“For what it’s worth,” Briar began, speaking carefully as she ran a hand through her hair. “As awful as it was, it was funny with the absurdity. And it was obviously intentionally written to be awful. Take a look at Chapters Thirty-Three, for instance. The sudden improvement in everything. Either her editor, Yamama, is an actual God for being able to take something so terrible and make into art, or, the more likely scenario, the atrocity of the story before and after was intentional. Further proof being Tanishashanqua, majority of the time the mouthful of a name was spelt right. It’s hard to believe someone who can’t spell Edward right once can spell Tanishashanqua right ninety-nine percent of the time.”

“Ugh. You raise a fair point,” Asahi confirmed and sighed. “Which, brings up a good point, something that ought to be said.”

Cherry blinked, “Oh?”

With that, Asahi slowly stood up, staring at the screen where they could assume a camera was hidden.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone between. Allow me to tell you about trolls. A troll is someone who intentionally does things to aggravate and anger those around them. They will do anything and everything to get a negative reaction out of you, to get you mad and frothing at the mouth because they get a sick twist out of upsetting others. Trollfics are just another kind of it. Writers purposely writing something horrible or terrible, while denying knowing what a troll is. They _know_ what they’re writing is bad, that their spelling and grammar is worse than a kindergartener. It’s because they’re doing it on purpose.

“The best way to handle a troll is to ignore them. Don’t give them a reaction, eventually they’ll give up and try somewhere else. We did the opposite, but I suppose we wouldn’t really be the entertainment you are apparently looking for _if_ we ignored the bait. But, it’s best to just ignore trolls and trollstories, trying to rage against them is a losing battle.”

Cherry sighed, shrugging, “You’re right about that. We’re just givin’ the trolls exactly what they want when we yell at them. They’re weird like that.”

Standing up, Briar shook her head once more. “Anyway. See you guys next time.” With that, the Huntsman gathered the remnants of their wrappers and cups from the concession stand, tossing it on her way out, muttering about “McFlurries”, “Judah,” and “Unjustified Murders” as she left the theater.

Asahi grabbed his pile of books, tucking them under an arm as he gave Cherry a nod, making his way for the stairs and exit.

“Hey, Asahi?”

He stopped and turned, looking to Cherry who had a strange, pitying smile on her face. “Yeah?” he asked.

“I’m guessin’ this is probably a lot more painful for you than for Briar an I, right?” Cherry asked, but the way she poised it, it sounded more like a statement. “Yer the reader of the three of us, always with those books.”

Asahi was quiet for a moment, staring at her, trying to figure out some kind of double meaning, some kind of hidden intention. He found none. “Right,” he answered slowly. “I’m an avid reader, so these… poor attempts at writing are a rather serious affront in my perspective.”

“Thought as much,” Cherry nodded her head, her smile didn’t get any less sympathetic. “Don’t push yourself too much, okay? If ya can’t stand how offensive these stories get, don’t feel like ya got to force yourself to keep coming back.”

This felt like a bizarre conversation to him, and Asahi briefly wondered if Cherry’s brain got fried during that last story. “I’m well aware of that. I’m just as free to come and go as you are,” he reminded her carefully. “So, the same should be said to you. Don’t force yourself to come here if you don’t want to.”

Cherry laughed, grabbed her bag and her skateboard, “Right, right. Anyway, see you later, Asahi!”

He frowned as she bounded past him, pushing past the door with a hearty laugh. If he really tried, Asahi swore he could even hear the sound of her throwing her skateboard to the ground and taking off on it once she was on the otherside of the door. Though, it must have just been his imagination trying to compensate.

Briar and Cherry, they really were an odd bunch. Hell, the three of them were an odd combination for sure. But, Asahi figured that they made the stories bearable. No matter how awful the fics got, Asahi felt like he’d be able to stomach the crimes against literature if he had them around to help soften the blows.

But, for now, there really wasn’t any point loitering around in the now empty theater. He quietly ascended the stairs, stopping only to look at the empty seats one more time. Try as he might, he couldn’t really understand _why_ this was happening, this experiment, this convergence in realities. Why _them_.

Did it even matter?

Maybe not, Asahi decided. Maybe it was best to not think about it too much.


	5. Interlude I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look in the thoughts and life of one of the hosts between theater sessions.

“I’m surprised you’re going along with this experiment,” Banī mused as he leaned against the wall, taking a book from the shelf to flip through. “You’re willingly giving up a day to these… these weirdos. And to do what? Read bad literature—not even literature, _fanfiction_. The worst kind of writing out there.”

Asahi didn’t even look up at him as he sat on a chair directly in front of his apartments window, holding his camera in hand and carefully taking photo after photo. “That’s a bit of a…harsh statement,” he said slowly, carefully. Peering through the lens, he let the camera focus in, then took another photo. Damn. A little blurry. Oh well, it wasn’t _bad_. “The company isn’t bad, and they make the stories more bearable. Besides, that last one wasn’t _all_ bad.”

Laughing, the older man shook his head and threw the book aside to find a different one. “Wasn’t all that bad? Are we thinking of the same story?” he asked.

Banī was in many ways similar to Asahi in appearance. He should be, after all, he was Asahi’s brother. He was taller, as befitting a man of twenty-three. His hair a little longer, his face sharper. Unlike Asahi who preferred loose clothes for comfort, Banī almost always dressed as if he was ready for a formal evening. Even now, he was dressed in slacks, a grey button up with a black vest over it, while Asahi on the other hand was dressed in a grey sweatshirt and jeans.

“It was ridiculous, but it was written to be bad,” Asahi argued, taking another photo. “I mean, it obviously was, that’s the only real explanation. No one in their right mind would think that it’s fine to upload a story with that bad of spelling if it’s not intentionally made to be that way.”

“Or the author really was that bad of a writer and thought it was fine. I mean, come on. She’s probably American. Americans are dumb,” Banī answered with a shrug.

“That seems a bit generalized.”

“Just look at what’s going on over there and tell me I’m wrong.”

Asahi didn’t answer, didn’t feel as though he should bother giving the man an answer. Sure, America was… strange. Very greedy. Ridiculously so. Tended to value the rich keeping their money over human lives more often than not, but… well, Cherry seemed intelligent enough. She was American.

Then again, they were from different realities. Maybe her America is a lot better than the America of his world. He should ask her during their next meetup. Maybe he could ask Briar what her country is like… his country…er… _their_ country? Asahi wasn’t sure how to refer to the huntsman, what was appropriate, what was not. But, Briar seemed nice enough. Smart. Cherry was clever. Maybe he should ask them about their worlds.

“Seems like it’s more trouble than it’s worth,” Kuro said from where he laid on the floor, playing with a couple of action figures. Asahi turned his attention from the window to look at the child as he plaid, a ten year old, maybe eleven, he wasn’t sure. Kuro stared at his toys as he played, his gaze stoic, unbefitting a child. “You got all this other stuff you want to do instead, like what you’re doing right now. And instead, you’re going to a dingy theater where we can’t follow to read bad stories.”

“I’m getting paid for it,” Asahi pointed out, so it wasn’t as if he got nothing in return for participating in this… ‘social experiment’.

With that, Asahi turned back to the window, raising his camera and looking through the lens as he adjusted the zoom. Through it, he could see the apartment across the street, the focus put directly on a window on the third floor. A woman just a year or two younger than himself was moving, coming in and out of view from the window as she moved around the room.

9:10 A.M., Sunday. As always, with no class to go to, Mitsuru began her day later than usual. She had made herself breakfast at 8:30 A.M., rice and eggs, with a glass of juice, and now she would be getting ready to go out. Asahi always made sure to wake up before she usually was and had taken great care to get her daily schedule memorized to a T.

He smiled faintly as he continued to take more photos. Mitsuru paused in front of the window to look out it, watching some birds, watching the cars, the beautiful Sunday morning. She looked up and—

Asahi felt himself get yanked off the chair. He hit the floor painfully, but his grip on the camera didn’t let up, so at least that was safe.

“You gotta be careful,” Banī warned, glaring down at him and then glancing at the window. “She’d freak if she caught you.”

“Right, right,” Asahi agreed quietly, looking at the photo on his camera. It was so blurry from movement and focus that he couldn’t tell what it was supposed to be. “Going to have to delete this one.”

“I think you got plenty of photos of her in the apartment for today,” Kuro didn’t even look up from his toys as he spoke, and Asahi frowned, looking at the walls and ceilings of the small, almost barren apartment.

Every open space of wall was covered in photos of Mitsuru that he had taken, with plenty of space for more. They made him feel like he was closer to her. “I’ll get these printed,” he decided, carefully placing the camera on the counter separating the kitchen from the main room.

The apartment was rather simple, if not absolutely bland. There was a bookshelf stuffed full of books, a TV on a low stand, a cheap low table that he could sit on the floor and eat at. His bedroom wasn’t much different. It had his bed, a dresser, a smaller bookshelf, and a desk he could work at.

The most decorative—and in his opinion, important—part of his apartment were the photos of Mitsuru he had on every available piece of wall and ceiling. Of course, there were other designated spaces too for Banī and for Kuro, but they were just as empty as Asahi’s. A small box of toys for Kuro was always kept in the main room, and of course Banī had his collection hung on a wall in the kitchen.

But it didn’t matter what their home was like, it was just a space to sleep at and to occasionally work at, nothing more.

“Back on what we were talking about,” Banī said, watching Asahi move around the room. “You’ve only done two stories, they’re bound to get worse. I think you should seriously consider this before committing to this ‘experiment’ that’s going on.”

“I agree with Banī. It’s too suspicious and weird to just dive in without a care.”

To that, Asahi offered a hint of a smile as he ruffled the child’s hair. “Since when have I ever ‘dived in without a care’?” he asked in return.

But, the concern was understandable, and even appreciated. They were the only ones who had any concern over him in this reality, the same with the other way around, Asahi was likely the only one who cared about the two of them. But, their family life was neither here nor there.

What mattered was the Theater, this experiment, and his continued attendance.

It was something new to Asahi. This kind of responsibility, if it could even be considered one. He’s had responsibilities before, he _has_ responsibilities now. The coffee shop he worked at. Paying the bills. Keeping Mitsuru safe. His work as a photographer. Groceries, and so on. But outside of those precise bubbles of ‘Work’, ‘Home’, and ‘Loved Ones’, there wasn’t much else he did with his life, nothing he wanted to do with his life. He’d sit down and let things happen to him, rarely taking action himself, get dragged along by the desires of his brothers.

To make the decision of coming back or not, to decide to keep up with this project, to take action and do something that took place outside of his three core focuses, it was new.

The events at the theater were… unique. And that was putting it nicely. It wasn’t necessarily a _bad_ experience, but it was exhausting. Emotionally and mentally. He loved reading, it was the only thing he had that could be considered an activity he did for _himself_. He wasn’t being forced to come, the letters always were inviting, giving him the choice to refuse or accept.

Asahi knew there were reasons why he shouldn’t go back. Two that struck his mind strongly.

The first was his loved ones. Though he was only gone for a few hours or so once a week, a lot could happen in that frame of time. While he was in there, Mitsuru was out here, alone—he couldn’t watch over her. She could get hurt during his sessions at the theater, and if that happened, he would never be able to forgive himself. There were also his brothers. While he was in there, he wasn’t with them.

It was strange to be separated from them for such a long time, to not feel their presence so intimately close to him for a portion of the day. It was an unfamiliar feeling, one that he had yet to decide if he liked or not.

And then the other problem lied with his two partners in this sufferable experiment. Asahi wasn’t sure if he wanted to have anything to do with the two, and from what little he had gotten to know of them, they were… strange.

Not bad, not evil, just strange.

Cherry was lively, the energy she carried with her reminded him of Banī when he found something to catch his interest. He didn’t know her, couldn’t even pretend that he knew her, and what he worked with was just from what he could see. Cherry didn’t care what others thought, it was etched in her style, from dying her hair, to her rebellious fashion. She didn’t seem bad, and if given time, Asahi could see him coming to enjoy her company.

His other companion was more complex. Right off the bat there was the genderfluidity—Asahi had never met someone who identified as genderfluid before, he only ever saw it on TV or read about it in books, to the point it felt like some fictional notion. His first impressions had been that they was dangerous.

How could he not think they were dangerous? When he first met Briar, they grabbed him by the throat and nearly tore his arm off his shoulder. Of course, they had apologized and had grown warmer, they were still an enigma. They could likely easily kill both Asahi and Cherry without even trying, but never did. They seemed nice, polite, but reminded him of fall. Neither warm nor cold, edging between both.

There was no doubt more to the both of them if one looked hard enough, but Asahi hadn’t decided yet if he wanted to look.

While Briar and Cherry were good company so far, they were still very suspicious company all the same. And, with the cons it provided, why did Asahi keep consider going back?

Whoever was running this had likely been desperate if they had reached out to Asahi, and while it wasn’t a pleasant job, Asahi couldn’t help but shake the feeling it was the sort of mess that someone had to deal with—and he was that someone.

And, well, the money was nice. The most recent check for their last session had been bigger than his paycheck. So, there was that.

“Mitsuru’s leaving,” Kuro spoke up, packing his toys into the box. “If you keep spacing out, you’re not going to be able to go with her.”

Glancing out the window, he saw that the child was right. He could see Mitsuru grabbing her jacket and bag, no doubt heading out. Feeling his heart race, Asahi hurried to fetch his own shoes, keys and phone, heading out of his own apartment to follow her.

He could make his decision when he got home that night, after spending the day with Mitsuru. It was important to decide for sure if he wanted to keep this up, but, _she_ was more important than money and social experiments.

**Author's Note:**

> I was a bit sluggish and very tired as I did my last round of editing, so I won’t be surprised if I missed a few things here and there


End file.
